Speech by Tom

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tom
Speech Date: 16/06/2017 21:43:12

Well thanks dad, I hope you made the most of your speech. Because now you're a married man that's the last time you'll get to speak for 5 minutes without being interrupted!

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. I welcome you here today for Andy and Marisa's wedding and I hope you're having a fantastic time! If you're not, then I suggest drowning your sorrows. We now come to the main event of this fine day “the best man's speech” which I know you've all been waiting for so let's get on with it.

Firstly my name is Tom and I'm Andy's son and heir to the best jokes known to man.
It was an honour to be asked to be best man and I can only imagine he chose me as his brothers John and Dave were too busy washing their hair! (They're bald)
But I can see they've actually made it so (WHERE ARE YOU CHAPS, WAVE)
And speaking on scrubbing up well, you don't look too bad yourself dad. It's just a shame you've copied my outfit!

Can I just say thank you all for coming and that you all look fantastic today but not as good as the bridesmaids.
You've been a great help with Marisa's hen do and also today. So will you all join me please in raising your glasses to the bridesmaids.

I've actually seen a couple of pictures from the hen do and it looks like you had a good time. Not as much as the stag do though! 15 pints on the first day in the pub at 10.30am. Some of you are on target to beat that today lads, so keep it up!

Right I'm going to try and keep it traditional and let everybody from the bride's side of the family know what sort of man Marisa has married. 
So here are some of his best qualities, he is loving, caring, funny, charming, generous, successful – and…

Dad what does this say? I'm really struggling with your handwriting.

I actually decided that it might be a good idea to ask people what they thought of my Dad. So I spoke to a couple of his past & present work colleagues and apparently they refer to him as godlike..… He's rarely seen, he's holier than thou, and if he ever does any work, it's a bloody miracle. He does make a good brew though!
I also spoke to some other people and one person actually told me that they thought he was conceited, selfish, arrogant and insensitive….
Thanks for that Marisa.

If anybody knows my dad they will know he is a keen bird watcher. If you don't know, he's got a big bird feeder in the garden, loads of bird books and binoculars by the window etc etc. So it's not uncommon to walk into the front room on a Saturday afternoon to find him staring at a pair of tits through the binoculars!

He is also a big football fan despite the fact he supports Leicester city… So last year it couldn't have gone better with Leicester winning the Premiership and his 2nd team Burnley winning the championship too! My dad once told me that he could've been a football player but there were two things holding him back. His left foot and his right…Fortunately for my dad though he's found himself a keeper in Marisa. They are a wonderful couple and I think that's pretty clear to see with all the family and friends that have joined us here today. You've all come from far and wide such as Taiwan, France and even Lancashire! Although the free food & drink helps doesn't it.

But seriously Marisa I couldn't have hoped for a better match for my dad as you are very thoughtful, selfless, kind and caring. You looking absolutely beautiful today and I'd just like to take this opportunity to officially welcome you to the family. Well done dad!

Just a quick quote for the newlyweds: A good head and a good heart are a formidable combination, I'll let you all figure out who has what.

Well that's me done, thank you bearing with me.

Now If you could all stand and join me in raising a toast to the newly weds

ANDY & MARISA