Speech by Tony Bradley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tony Bradley
Speech Date: June 2002
On behalf of all the bridesmaids I would just like to thank Mike for his kind words. Can I say what a great job they've all done today and add how wonderful they are looking. The same must also be said about Carly. I think she looks absolutely stunning. And Lee, well he just looks absolutely stunned.

I'd like to begin by thanking Lee for asking me to be best man. I'd also like to thank Carly for allowing Lee to ask me. I've found out over the past few months that being asked to be a best man is like being asked to make love with the Queen. Its a real honour, but deep down, nobody actually wants to do it. I had to adjust that gag, as it used to be the Queen Mother.

In preparation of this speech I have studied some of the wittiest public speakers of our time, including Les Dawson, Bernard Manning and Roy Chubby Brown.
On a more serious note, this is a beautiful wedding and it reminds me of one of those weddings you see on the telly, like a soap wedding. I bet Carly didn't realise that she was getting married to Heywood's equivalent of the Dingle family.

‘When lee first informed me that he was getting married to Carly, my first reaction was to ask when the baby was due. He said "But there isn't one!" I said. "flippinheck That's posh!"

It is an honour to be asked to be a Best Man… as well as terrifying. But Lee promises me that if I do a good job I can be the Best Man at his next wedding!!
‘Of course, we've all heard about people getting cold feet before a wedding – but I've got to tell you, up until this moment I wasn't sure I was actually going to make it.
2 WORDS, World Cup…….…
I'm not bitter but I'm sure if Wigan were playing in the Challenge cup final we wouldn't be stood here today, Lee don't forget your roots.
Actually the only reason I accepted the job was for me to take the mik out of Lee. Let me start by saying that I think I know Lee better than anyone else in this room, even his parents, because there are a lot of extremely embarrassing things he's done that he has never told his parents. I just happened to bring a list of them. (Bring out list) Just kidding, I wouldn't do that to you Lee.

I've got plenty of stories, but the unfortunate thing is not one of them would be appropriate for the occasion. However, my memory tends to improve with alcohol, so if you catch me in the bar later, you never know what I might remember.
Anyway, for those of you present that might not know Lee as well, I will try to give you a potted history of the man himself.

Lee was born in April 1976, a significant year in History a year which not only saw the invention of first the advanced Microchip, but also had the hottest summer on record, which apparently significantly reduced the IQ of all children born that year……… apart from me.
This was the year that Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy fell in love, it's funny how history repeats its self, isn't it. Johnny Mathis also sang “when a child is born”.

Me and Lee have spent most of our childhood and Teenage years growing up together, which has been 25 years. I have known Carly for nearly 3 years………and it feels like 25 years.

Me and Lee went to the same Primary school (St Margarets), secondary school at Sutherland rd and Hopwood Hall College, so I am able to tell you that he was an ideal pupil that excelled in most subjects , Sorry I meant to say He was an idle pupil that was expelled from most subjects.

Lee didn't spend too much time studying, most of his time he spent playing football, playing on his computer and his favourite past time which was chasing young women. He pursued girls before I did, and this has had great bearing on his life. Lee will probably tell you that he went into Travel & Tourism to see the world and expand his horizons, but the only reason he chose that occupation was that it was full of dolly birds. No offence Carly.

I know its also traditional for the best man to mention the number of ex-girlfriends that the groom has had. But I don't want to get into all that, I think its vulgar and offensive to the bride. But, suffice to say, 63 turned out to be your lucky number after all……
Anyway through his great effort and luck he met the girl of his dreams in this occupation, and when this happened he promptly found another occupation, job done!
If there was one thing that I was certain of it was that Lee was going to get married, as he always been a bit of a love bird. But I recall years ago him saying that he would never marry, but if he did he would marry a woman with small feet. "why small feet?" I asked. " so she can get closer to the sink" he answered.
Enough crap jokes. It is an honour for me to be Lee's Bestman. Lee is closest friend and cousin I'll ever have, and it would be fair to say we are like brothers.

I remember when I dropped out at Uni, Lee was there, all the times I used to get in bother….Lee was there. When I broke my arm at school Lee was there, when I was bitten by an Alsatian dog and Grandma and Granddad's Lee was there. In fact thinking about it you are a bloody jinx Lee.
I have always wanted the best for Lee. I know when he met Carly and told me about her, it soon became obvious that she was the one for him. I recall talking to Carly when we were first introduced, she told me that the first time she laid eyes on Lee she thought that he was handsome from afar, but now she tels me, she thinks he's far from handsome……

You have to give credit to Lee and Carly in that they have been very wise in the timing of there engagement because long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable”
I just hope that Carly will get used to Lee's farting habits, saying that every time I've stayed at there place I have discovered that it's a joint Habit, its a match made in Heaven. There must something in those Wigan Pies..…

I know that Lee and Carly share the same core values and principles and I am sure that their relationship will continue to grow. Lee told me that he thinks of Carly often when he is away from her especially when he's playing on his computer…his a romantic bugger isn't he……..anyway, I know that no other woman has ever made such an impression.
Lee, this is the happiest day of your life, well at least that's what Carly told me earlier, and so it should be, for you have just married a most beautiful, humorous and successful woman – – – and Carly you have married…………..… this.

And now to the cards:

Read out cards (normal ones, plus the following)…
• Carly, we have tried Lee in every position and found him to be useless in all of them. Hope you have more luck than us. All the best from the lads at football !!
• “To Lee, we could have made a great couple”. From Dale Winton
• Fax from the White Rock hotel in kefalonia, where you will be spending your honeymoon. Congratulations to you both on this special day. We very much look forward to making your stay a special and memorable one. Don't worry if there is some delay on your arrival, we are putting something on for you…..the roof.

Lee, you are an excellent friend and a cousin and it has truly been an honour being your Best man. Carly is a lovely person, she deserves a good husband, and it looks to me as if she has found one in you.
I'm sure I speak for all the guests here today in giving thanks to the parents as well as the happy couple, for organizing and providing a great wedding and hopefully a great nosh up.

On behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those of you who have travelled long distances. I started planning this speech six months ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, but now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Lee and Carly, Mr and Mrs Halliday no less. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.