Speech by Tony Little

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tony Little
Speech Date: aug2002

I'd like to welcome you all to Justin and Jemma's wedding.

This is not my first best Mans experience, it's my third and it don't get any easier, one or two more and I'm told I get a full set of glasses!

Which is more than I've had so far today!

Before I start I'd like to run through the emergency health and safety procedures.

To the rear of the building you will notice that there are emergency exits. These have been pad locked to prevent Justin's escape before the wedding and your escape during my speech.

To the sides of the building you will see there are no windows only solid walls, this again had been arranged to stop Justin making a run for it, therefore in the event of a fire grab a large object and break down wall.

For this purpose you will see that the seating plan generally allows for at least one large object , Justins mates , sitting at each table, alternatively Ian Salisbury is sat on table 3.

For those not aware of the location of the toilets my advice would be to keep well clear especially if you happen to be going in there after the groom. I'm not saying anything other than he's a bit nervous today (produce brick).

For your information Jemma has asked me to keep the length of the speech down. When I asked how long she reckoned a similar length to the time Justin's takes to make love.

So with that in mind, I'd like to thank you all for coming and have a wonderful day. Sit down, get back up

Now my introduction.

For those who don't know me, do you not read the newspapers and to those who do congratulations!

I was a bit worried about doing my speech after Tony and that it could be very hard to follow.

I was right I couldn't follow a bloody word!

What can I say about Justin? (Produce a big bird)

The first time I met Justin he cut a strange and forlorn figure, well groomed, quiet and determined, to quote Jamie little, he looked like he'd just stepped out of a catalogue! Over the years I've got to know him really well though and now know him to be a very kind and generous young Man!

As for Jemma, I've known her as long as I've known Andrea, back in the early days when we met I was privileged to meet Jemma and her Family as a bonus to meeting my girlfriend.

I'd like to congratulate Justin on his wedding, and say how lucky he is to have a wonderful and beautiful wife, and propose my first toast of the day to them both in wishing them all the very best for the future.

I would also like to ask that at Justin's request during any toasting that you stick to one finger measure each at a time in order to prolong the wine.

To quote him

“I recon I could take a few home if we can cut down the measures”

I won't tell you the idea's he had about preserving some of the food , but if he had his way you would all be on a diet today !

To Justin and Jemma!

Justin or birdie as his close friends and enemies know him represents all the things that any parents or in laws could wish for. He is honest, steadfast and organised. He has a strong will to succeed and knows what he wants and how to get it. He is also friendly likeable and charming.

Question then ?

How does the tea boy from the work site progress to be all these things? Well I'll tell you.

By looking after himself, working part time, having sunbeds, manicures and plenty of rest. By walking tall in the knowledge that he looks good both on the inside and out. In fact he probably is the only bloke here who irons his socks and pants!

I'll let you in to a secret , Justin started getting ready for today yesterday morning and was still doing his make-up when we went down to the bar for a drink earlier.

In fact when he was asked what he wanted He replied “another ten minutes and a mirror please”

I can safely say that that he likes the good things in life, fine wine and Belgium chocolates spring to mind, he has progressed from Lambrusco to Cava from lager to cider and from being single to being married. I'd like a pound for the times we've been out together as a foursome, in all the best restaurants, bars clubs and café’s. And all the times Justin and I have been out on our own in all the best dives, Indians and taxi cabs!

The four of us know each other really well, Justin and Andrea are like brother and sister, Jemma and me are like sister and brother and me and Birdie are like a couple of pratts!

Most recently enjoyable part of my life was about five or six years ago when Andrea and I moved into the o'malleys for a short stay.

We would often wander off whilst the women of the house cooked Sunday Dinner. We would return three to four hours later in a ritual zig zag across the pavement in full song to be greeted with horror as we'd argue over who was taking the blame this week for leading the other one astray.

Those fine summer afternoons were great, me with my Essex boy lager top and Justin with his customary Del boy cocktail and boycee laugh.

I'm not supposed to talk about ex-girlfriends which is fine because before he met Jemma his longest relationship was with himself.

His Dad will know what I mean !

There are some amazing facts about this day !

August 17th 1962 the number one single in the Charts was

“The loco-motion” and it's Justins favourite song second only to the birdy song.

“It's the start of the premiership season today” and the blokes still look happy

It's the start of the rest of their lives.

Before the final toast I'd like to say a prayer.

Please close your eyes and put your hands together. You may also want to put your valuables somewhere safe !

Our Beer
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drunk
Thy will be drunk
I will be drunk
At home as it is in the local
Forgive us this day our daily spillage
As we forgive those who spillest against us
And lead us not into poncey wine tasting
And deliver us from alco-pops
For mine is the bitter
The ale and the lager
Forever and ever
Barmen.

With that in mind, please raise your glass once again and take your second finger measure out for a toast to Jemma and Justin