Speech by Trent Roberts

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Trent Roberts
Speech Date: Aug2005
GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYBODY, MY NAME IS TRENT if you see me at the bar later I don't mind if you call me “Trent what are you drinking“ I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK AND WELCOME YOU ALL HERE TO CELEBRATE LAURA AND PAUL'S WEDDING.
I ‘M SURE YOU WILL JOIN ME IN COMPLIMENTING LAURA ON HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOKS TODAY.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK PAUL ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS COURTNEY, DANNI, BECKY, JOANNA, STEPHANIE, AND THE USHERS JORDAN, JAMES, BEN, WILLIAM. FOR HIS KIND WORDS. I'M SURE YOU'LL AGREE THE GIRLS LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND THE BOYS VERY HANDSOME, AS DO ALL YOU LOOK HERE TODAY.

ITS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN CALLED A BEST MAN SO I NEEDED TO DO SOME RESEARCH INTO WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF ME. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT KNOW ME WILL KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT A BOOK, I LOOKED ON THE INTERNET. ITS FREE.

I ALSO WENT TO THE LIBRARY WHERE I FOUND A BOOK WITH A FEW DEFINITIONS OF COMMON WORDS ASSOCIATED WITH WEDDINGS
THE AISLE: THE LONGEST WALK YOU'LL EVER TAKE.
THE ALTAR: THE PLACE WHERE 2 BECOME 1
THE HYMN: THIS IS THE CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE
I THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE ONLY PERSON TO HAVE READ THIS UNTIL I HEARD LAURA AFTER TAKING HER VOWS SAYING AISLE, ALTAR, HIM, AISLE, ALTAR HIM.
I THOUGHT GETTING PAUL HERE TODAY MIGHT PROVE TO BE MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT WAS. PAUL'S STAG PARTY WAS AT NEWMARKET RACE COURSE. WE HARDLY SAW HIM ALL DAY WHENEVER ANYONE GOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO GRAB HIM HE WAS OFF. AT ONE POINT ON THE WAY HOME NEAR DUXFORD WE STOPPED THE COACH. PAUL WAS OFF UP THE ROAD LIKE A RACE HORSE HIMSELF AND OVER THE FENCE OF THE NEAREST FIELD. LUCKILY WE HAD DOUGLAS WITH US WHOM THEN PERSUADED HIM BACK ONTO THE COACH. WE ONLY WANTED HIM TO PUT ON THE INFAMOUS FLAMENCO DRESS. have you got it now mark

NOW IT ALSO SAID THAT IT WAS UP TO ME TO MAKE SURE THAT NONE OF PAUL'S EX GIRLFRIENDS SHOWED UP AND MADE A SCENE, I NEVER NEEDED TO WORRY ABOUT THEM THOUGH AS FOOT AND MOUTH SAW MOST OF THEM OFF. THE OTHERS ARE PROBABLY CELEBRATING AS I SPEAK.

IT SAID THAT I SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT PAUL'S FACE AND HAIR WAS IN ORDER. I THOUGHT IF GOD COULDN'T DO IT WHAT CHANCE DO I HAVE.

FINALLY IT SAYS THAT I SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS VERY FINE GENTLEMAN FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW HIM AS WELL
AS ME.
PAUL AND I FIRST BECAME FRIENDS WHEN WE WAS ABOUT FIVE I THINK. I CAN NEVER REMEMBER NOT KNOWING HIM. WE WENT TO INFANTS SCHOOL TOGETHER AND MY EARLIEST MEMORY OF US PLAYING TOGETHER WAS DIGGING FOR TREASURE IN THE PLAYGROUND, PAUL FINALLY FOUND HIS TREASURE WHEN HE FOUND LAURA A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. WATCH OUT LADIES I'M STILL LOOKING FOR MINE.
SKIPPING BY A FEW YEARS WE SEPARATED AGAIN FOR SENIOR SCHOOLS. I PHONED BARCLAY SCHOOL DURING THE WEEK TO ASK IF THEY COULD REMEMBER PAUL AND SPOKE TO THE HEADMASTER,

HE SAID HE REMEMBERED PAUL VERY WELL. HE SAID PAUL WAS AN IDEAL PUPIL AND EXCELLED IN MOST OF THE SUBJECTS BEG MY PARDON I MEANT TO SAY PAUL WAS AN IDLE PUPIL AND EXPELLED FROM MOST SUBJECTS.

AFTER LEAVING SCHOOL WE WORKED TOGETHER ON THE FARM AND FINALLY WE DECIDED TO WORK TOGETHER FOR OURSELVES. WE STARTED A LANDSCAPING BUSINESS.
WHAT PAUL KNEW ABOUT LANDSCAPING AT THE TIME WAS CULTIVATING A TWENTY ACRE FIELD, I DID SOME GARDENING IN MY OWN GARDEN FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND WAS NOW THE NEXT BEST THING TO ALAN TITCHMARSH.

I COULD PROBABLY TALK TO YOU ALL NIGHT ABOUT OUR EXPERIENCES LANDSCAPING, BUT ONE JOB SPRINGS TO MIND.

IT WAS IN LETCHWORTH AND WE WENT TO LOOK AT THE JOB TOGETHER, THE THREE OF US WALKED AND ADMIRED THIS LOVELY GARDEN,

THE CHAP SAID THAT HE WANTED AN ENGLISH COUNTRY GARDEN, AND COULD WE RECOMMEND SOME PLANTS , PAUL AND I JUST LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND SAID YES WHAT A LOVELY IDEA. WE NEVER LEAD HIM ON WHEN WE SAID WE DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT THE PLANTS AND FLOWERS ARE CALLED BUT WE DO KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. I THINK WE MAY HAVE SAID WE HAD OUR OWN COUNTRY GARDEN IN STEVENAGE.
HOWEVER WE DID GET THE JOB, BUT ON THE DAY WE WAS GOING TO START HIS GARDEN, PAUL DECIDED IT WOULD BE BEST FOR ME TO GO ON MY OWN. I COULDN'T FACE IT ALONE SO TOOK TONY WITH ME. i think this must've been about the only time Paul was prepared to do something on his own. YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED, WE ONLY WENT THE ONCE…IT WAS I DISASTER. makes a change not to get called back though
ON A SINCERE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY ON BEHALF OF ALL PAUL'S FRIENDS HERE TODAY ESPECIALLY ME. PAUL IS THE MOST GENEROUS, LIKEABLE, TRUSTWORTHY BEST FRIEND ANYONE COULD HAVE OR WANT TO HAVE AND THINK OF HIM NO LESS THAN A BROTHER .oh yes and perspective customers he is much better now.

NOW, WHILST I WAS DOING MY RESEARCH I HAPPENED TO FIND SOME TEXT FROM A 1950s HOME ECONOMICS BOOK AND THERE'S A FEW LITTLE POINTERS IN IT FOR LAURA. here goes then.…
HAVE DINNER READY, PLAN AHEAD EVEN THE NIGHT BEFORE TO HAVE A DELICIOUS MEAL ON TIME.
THIS WILL LET PAUL KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM AND CONCERNED ABOUT HIS NEEDS.
PREPARE YOURSELF. TAKE 15 MINUTES TO REST SO THAT YOU ARE REFRESHED WHEN PAUL ARRIVES.

TOUCH UP YOUR MAKE-UP, YOU MIGHT EVEN WANT TO PUT A RIBBON IN YOUR HAIR.
DON'T FORGET HE MAY HAVE BEEN WITH A LOT OF WORK WEARY PEOPLE.
HIS BORING DAY, MAY WELL NEED A LIFT.

AT THE TIME OF HIS ARRIVAL TURN OFF THE WASHER, DRYER, DISHWASHER OR HOOVER.
TRY TO ENCOURAGE THE CHILDREN TO BE QUIET.
GREET HIM WITH A WARM SMILE AND BE GLAD TO SEE HIM.
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE.
HAVE HIM LEAN BACK IN A COMFORTABLE CHAIR OR SUGGEST THAT HE LIE DOWN IN THE BEDROOM.
ARRANGE HIS PILLOW AND OFFER TO TAKE OFF HIS SHOES.
SPEAK IN A LOW, SOFT, SOOTHING AND PLEASANT VOICE.
NEVER COMPLAIN IF PAUL DOESN'T TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER

TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIS WORLD OF STRAIN AND PRESSURE, HIS NEED TO UNWIND AND RELAX.
AND FINALLY TRY TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.
TELEGRAMS AND CARDS FROM THOSE NOT PRESENT.
AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN FOR SHARING THEIR SPECIAL DAY.
I STARTED PLANNING THIS SPEECH LAST WEEK.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DELIVERING IT EQUALLY AS LONG.
IT GIVES ME IMMENSE PLEASURE NOT TO MENTION RELIEF TO INVITE YOU NOW ALL TO STAND AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES IN A TOAST TO PAUL AND LAURA, MR AND MRS KITCHINER NO LESS.
WE WISH THEM WELL FOR THE FUTURE AND HOPE THEY HAVE A LONG, HAPPY MARRIAGE
PAUL AND LAURA.