Speech by Victor Guy

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Victor Guy
Speech Date: Mar2007
Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.

On behalf of Debbie and Bob, I would like to thank everyone for coming such a long way in difficult circumstances STOP AND LOOK UP!!!!! and looking around it amazes me how far some people will go for a free meal! I can tell you its not the first time today that I've got up from a Warm Seat with a few sheets of paper in my HAND!!!!

!!!! Anyway, I would just like to say how lovely it is to see so many friends and family here today supporting the special couple. I know it is important to them that you are here and they are overjoyed that you could make it to help them celebrate their special day.

I was delighted and honoured when Bob asked me to be BEST MAN. I felt great! Then it dawned on me that I would have to stand up in front of all of you and make a speech! I am a little bit nervous as the last time I had to make a speech in front of lots of people I was found guilty I ONLY STOPPED TO ASK THE WAY!!!!!As part of my speech according to tradition, I am supposed to sing the groom's praises and tell you about
his many good points. Well, unfortunately, I can't Sing and I won't Lie !!!!!!!

As BEST MAN, I took it upon myself to make sure that Bob arrived at the Ceremony SOBER, ON TIME AND LOOKING GOOD. Well, 2 out of 3 isn't bad!!! Bob is a lucky man, Debs is a beautiful woman who deserves a good husband THANK GOD she married you Bob before she Found ONE!!

Bob was born today in 1956 and he is of course 50 TODAY. I tried to link this with some major event, but it seemed that nothing else happened on this day. ALTHOUGH, HOSPITAL STAFF DID SAY THEY REFER TO THIS DAY AS UGLY WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!! Seriously though, I am standing here today as a proud and honoured friend. Bob is my best mate, we have laughed and cried throughout the years: watching our children grow up, being there during the good nights out and sometimes weekends! and also during hard times.

I say this because, the person who should be here today is young Bobby, Bob's son. His absence today has been sorely missed, I KNOW HE WAS SO PROUD to be Bob's son and their relationship was as close as you can get. He loved Deb and I know if he were here he would definitely approve of his dad's choice. He would've wanted the two of you to be happy and look after one another.

So please be upstanding as we toast Bobby, who can't be here in person, but is definitely here in spirit. STAND UP

As you know Bob and I WORKED TOGETHER and his nickname at work was GOD. ITS TRUE!!! APPARENTLY HE MAKES HIS OWN RULES, AND IF HE DONE ANY WORK IT WAS A BLOODY MIRACLE!!!!

During our many years as friends, we have been mistaken for 2 Heavies from the MAFIA, a RICH GAY Couple which I'm sure Bob PLAYED UP TO! and BATMAN and ROBIN. On our bike ride in CHINA, we became very very GOOD FRIENDS I know Bob doesn't like talking about it much, but I have to thank him now, publicly, for THE USE OF THE VASELINE!!!!!!

Moving on, Debbie tells me that she wants a model husband, so being a bit na&#239ve, I looked up model in the dictionary and it says!!!! A SMALL MINATURE REPLICA OF THE REAL THING!!!!!!!!

I spoke to Debbie and Bob before the wedding and asked Bob what he was looking for in a marriage. He replied, love and happiness. When I asked Debbie the same question, she replied, A COFFEE PERCOLATOR. WELL, SHE ACTUALLY SAID A PERKY COPULATOR!!! But I knew what she meant!!!!

To make sure Bob's day went to plan, I took it upon myself to check Bob's MAIL. Turn to Bob I need to tell you Bob, that the carpet people cannot supply your CARPETt this weekend but you will get YOUR UNDER FELT TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!

Before I finish, I have a few cards to read out from absent friends:

READ FROM CARDS

I am very glad that Bob chose Deb to be his wife. I could go on about all the ex girlfriends that Bobs has had – but sadly, none of them made it through the BSE CRISIS INTACT!!!!!! In all seriousness though Bob, you've been a good friend to me over the years. Its been an honour to be your best man today and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and Happy Marriage.

I found this poem that seems to be perfect for today

A RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE A ROSE,
HOW LONG IT LASTS NO ONE KNOWS
LOVE CAN ERASE AN AWLFUL PAST
LOVE CAN BE YOURS, YOU'LL SEE AT LAST

TO FEEL THAT LOVE IT MAKES YOU SIGH,
TO HAVE IT LEAVE YOU'D RATHER DIE,
BOB YOU'VE FOUND THAT SPECIAL ROSE
CAUSE YOU LOVE AND CARE FOR THE ONE YOU CHOSE.

PLEASE BE UPSTANDING FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM.
TO DEBBIE AND BOB! XXXXXX