Speech by wallace

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: wallace
Speech Date: 10/09/2010 10:44:58

Greetings, Lords ladies family, friends, Romans, countrymen, in-laws, outlaws, moochers, beggers, bootleggers and commoners.

Now before I get started, I'd like to make sure everybody can hear me….can you  all hear me?…………………………………………Damn

Good afternoon everyone, first of all I'd like to thank you all for coming. Personally I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my job less nerve wracking.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Wallace and I'm an alcoholic (oh no that's Friday night.)

Standing up here I must look like lord blackadder but to be honest i feel like boldrick..… and the last time I had to stand up in front of a room full of people I was found guilty and fined £200… So I hope you will be a little bit more forgiving than the last lot .

Don't worry I wont be speaking for long and the bar is still open so don't be embarrassed about getting up for a drink and while your there get me one to help stop me shaking.

As best man 3 of my duties seem to be making sure Steve is– basically smart, punctual and sober!

I'll leave it up to you to see if I've achieved any!

Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, and double entendre's I've promised Steve & Helen that if there is anything slightly risqué, I'll whip it out immediately …

So what can I say about the groom, He's witty, intelligent, charming, and, (lean over to Steve) sorry Steve what does that say!!

So I turned to his work mates for some inspiration and they said, “Steve is a god” which I thought was nice, if not a bit dramatic, but they went on to say:

……………“as in, you can never see him…………….he makes his own rules ……………..and if he does any work it's a miracle”.

Normally, at this point of the proceedings, I would have to tell you all a story about Steve designed to degrade and humiliate him. Unfortunately, It seems that all the stories I could tell you have a similar theme and I've been racking my brains for one that doesn't start with “we were in the pub”, or “we'd been drinking all day”, and all the others are not worth mentioning so don't worry, I'm not going to bore you all with embarrassing stories as I'm sure all his friends will do that after a few beers anyway, obviously if anyone can still hear over ac beebies.

As most of you are aware, Steve has a keen interest in vehicles all shapes and sizes and you would be forgiven if you thought you had stumbled onto the set of a mad max film going into their back garden.

We've always appreciated quality cars from the 360  spinning Hillman imp to the hand painted anglia and the 3 wheeled reliant, I unfortunately had to crash. And I'm pleased to say he still enjoys that level of quality in a car today.

Steve has had an adventurous past, including hitching round France, joining the Army and fighting in the Gulf, moving to Manchester and various other escapades and finally coming home, but hopefully now he has it out of his system and live a relaxed normal life…..all be it one from 300 years ago….

Joking aside Steve you've been a great friend to me over the years and it has been an honour to be your best man today. We've have some great times together and I am sure we will continue to do so……………you are seriously one of the good guys

I wish both you and Helen a great honeymoon in North Wales Oh, you said you were going to banger after the wedding!

On a serious note now, I would like to thank Steve on behalf of the bridesmaids ******************* for his kind words and gifts. And I'm sure you will all agree that Helen and all the bridesmaids look stunning, (Steve just looks stunned). I would also like to thank everybody Who has helped to make this day possible with a special thanks to ****** and *********  for all the work they have done behind the scenes and to all you for coming today, especially those who have travelled long distances to be with us.. especially on a Wednesday!

Also the *********** for the wonderful setting and all the hard work they have put in.

One piece of advice for any man at a wedding is ABC XYZ always be charming  and xamine your zip

Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses for some very important people, with out them the today would not be the same,
Would you raise your glasses to…….

The bar staff!!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I now ask you to stand. Please charge your glasses in a toast to Steve and Helen, wishing them all the happiness in the world for the future

The new Mr and Mrs *****.