Speech by Warren Teichner

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Warren Teichner
Speech Date: Jan 2002
Good evening Rabbi and Mrs Baumgarten, Gavin and Sara, Ladies and Getlemen
Let me introduce myself, my name is Warren and I am Gavin's younger brother. And I stress the word younger. For many years I have had to put up with being mistaken for being Gavin's older brother. Hopefully a wedding ring and a wife will finally convince people that I am the younger brother.
First of all, I want to say a little bit about being the best man. I feel
the title "best man" says a bit too much. The way I see it, if I really am the best man today, what on earth is Sara doing with Gavin? So, I will be happy just being called a pretty decent chap, and Gavin can be the best man tonight.
When Gavin asked me to his pretty decent chap I was determined to take the job seriously and began to research what the job entailed. The first book I found was more than one hundred pages long and I began to feel quite nervous. I felt much better when I realized that the job is essentially comprised of 4 main tasks.

1. Organize the bachelor's party( no problem!, but the less said the better)
2. Help the groom dress (thanks, but no thanks, if he hasn't learnt by now, what can I be expected to do…)

3. See that any ex-girlfriends are kept at bay (that's easy, thanks to the new wing at Tara)

4. and probably most important offer a thorough character assassination of the groon in the wedding speech

So let me begin with a couple of my favourite stories about Gavin

One of my earliest memories of Gavin is of him returning from school aged 10 and being disappointed with a mark he had received in school. As a form of protest he promptly flung himself fully clothed into the pool. I would like to blame this event on youthful exuberance but only last year Gavin attended a party of one of his employees. The respected and dignified boss arrived at the party and seeing people he knew across the garden walked straight towards them. He soon found out that much to his disappointment unlike Joshke he cannot walk on water and promptly fell in the pool fully clothed. Sara tells me he drove home wearing just one of her little tank tops – oh what a sight that must have been!

Just after Gavin got his drivers license, my parents asked him to fetch my friend and I from a party and to take us both home. In the car Gavin told us that he was in a rush and would thus not be stopping when he dropped my friend off and he should thus prepare for a moving dismount. To cut a long story short Gavin was just a little quicker than my friend and promptly drove over both his feet.

Long before outsourcing become common business practice Gavin outsourced his domestic duties to our younger brother Shaun. I will never forget going shopping with them. Gavin would see a pair of pants he liked and Shaun would run off to the change room to try them on, on behalf of Gavin. He would return and pronounce whether they would fit Gavin. The negotiations between the two were often quite intense as they debated whether Shaun should be paid per dish washed or a flat fee for the month. Just when Shaun became a little expensive, Gavin started going out with Sara – not that I am implying anything untoward.

Recently Gavin returned from a weekend away with a toiletry set from the hotel. I came into Gavin's room and found him methodically applying the lip-ice from the toiletry set. A couple of minutes later he started to complain that the lip-ice was burning his lips. Gavin had succeed in smearing insect repellant all over his lips. It looks like Sara's medical degree will come in good use.

Jokes aside
Gavin is handsome
Witty
Intelligent
Charming
Er……Er….…

Sorry Sara, what's that say, I can't read your writing

Gavin's great loves (besides Sara) are M&Ms – Meat and Manchester United. He must really have wanted to get married in that he agreed to not having meat at his wedding in respect for Sara who is a vegetarian. As most of you know Gavin is an actuary and is thus a member of the FIA however in Gavin's case this stands for fellow for increasing accountants. When Shaun was deciding on what to study Gavin offered him a car if he did accountancy. Anyone who has seen Shaun's car will know he did not take the offer.

But seriously Gavin you are the older brother and friend any person dreams of having. You have fought through some tough times with incredible determination and courage and have been successful at everything you have done. You have taught me so many things. In particular you have shown me the determination and motivation required to achieve success. Our healthy competition has spurred us both to greater heights, although I thought it necessary to add that I did get the higher CFA mark. I love your sense of humour and playful nature. You are the only person in the world who makes me laugh out loud. We have shared so special memories together and I'm sure that there will be many more in the future. I look up to you in more ways than you can ever believe. Finally, I can only admire your good taste in women … which brings me onto Sara

I have been very fortunate to really get to know Sara over the last three years. There is no one that epitomizes the word selfless more than Sara. She is prepared to go to incredible lengths for her family and friends and there is simply nothing that is too much to ask. In researching this speech I tried to find some dirt on Sara but neither her brother nor her best friends could give me anything. As I'm sure you noticed I certainly did not have this problem with Gavin. Sara is well liked by everyone and I have never met anyone who has had anything but good things to say about her. Furthermore she is intelligent, creative and has a great sense of humour. You have had a huge impact on Gavin and we now speak of Gavin BS and PS (Before Sara and Post Sara) Let me just add that you look beautiful tonight and you only need to glance at Gavin to see how proud he is to be your husband.

Oscar Wilde once said that “ you can tell if a women is in love by what she is prepared to do for her man”. Last year Sara learnt the entire Springbok, Cats and Golden Lions team on Gavin's instruction. We would be sitting at the Friday night table and Gavin in mid conversation would say Tinus and Sara would shout back Delport. Even the Andres – Vos, Venter and van Niekerk proved no obstacle for Sara.

Sara has fitted into the Teichner family with ease and has even begun to use teichnirisms in everyday conversation. When you gave me the Teichner family greeting and spoke about being wrecked with disease when you had a cold and your love of loot, I knew you were ready to be an official member of the family. Sara welcome to the family.
I recently came across a most beautiful word – uxorious which the Oxford dictionary defines as “as a man who is excessively fond of his wife”. With a wife like Sara, I am sure that this is a word that we will be used to describe Gavin many times in the future.

So to round off then, I'd like to thank you all for your attention and for laughing in the right places.

If you could all please stand up and join me in a toast to Gavin and Sara:

May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever. To Gavin and Sara!