Speech by Zander Conway

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Zander Conway
Speech Date: Aug 2001
It is my great pleasure to thank you, D—, on behalf of the bridesmaids and I must add my own compliments as they both look wonderful and have done a great job today.
– I'm looking forward to them fighting later over which one dances with me
first (or last perhaps!).

Well it's a great honour to be chosen as best man, although I haven't relished the thought of making this speech but I realise that I stand between a hungry crowd and dinner so I'll keep it short.

I thought it was quite an emotional ceremony today, did any of you notice
that even the cake was in tiers?

I've known D— for 20 years. If I remember back to the first time I met him at the Muir Church playgroup in Irvine I think he was covered in sand, juice and you name it So I'm pleased to see he's made more of an effort today. But I'm not happy that he copied my outfit!

Speaking of outfits, I'd been hoping we might wear kilts for the day but
S— was keen for D— to wear a suit because as of tomorrow she'll be
wearing the trousers.

It's traditional to tell some funny stories and there are plenty:

There was the day before his year in the US that D— and I decided to climb onto the roof of Glebe primary school for some reminiscence only to be chased through the playground and graveyard by a van full of police.

D—‘s birthday is 5th November and one year we had a bonfire jumping
competition, which D— won, not by jumping the highest but by jumping
straight in!

The clothes he burnt were not in fact his own, but D— G—‘s so on handing in the charred relics we were swiftly ejected from the house.

This was a common theme for young D—, if I remember correctly, he was:
* Thrown out of the Magnum on a weekly basis,
* Banned from the climbing frame at school for a year
* Kicked off the Kaimes outdoor course before it even started for
passing wind during the briefing session
* Dismissed from the school Glasgow Garden Festival Dance team for
adding his own moves, or karate kicks as they were more commonly known
* Thrown out of the school puppet show as ‘Sampson’ for further
misbehaviour and subsequently started a strike, encouraging no-one else to
take over his part – it wasn't actually the sign of support he thought,
quite simply no-one else wanted to do it!
* And of course he has had many ejections from different amusement
arcades, or ‘Puggies’ (his favourite hobby), including one time with myself
in which we taunted the manager of Seagate Leisure from outside the windows
knowing full well he could never get out the double doors to catch us before we had run, So we thoroughly deserved it when he sneaked out of the back door and bashed our head off the window

…but hopefully S— won't have any reasons to throw you out of 22 G—
Avenue, or bash your head off a window.

CARDS

Well I think that I might get hurt if I go on any longer so I will finish
off by saying That D— is a lucky guy to have married S—, so beautiful, warm, loving and caring. And S—, you've got… D—.

Seriously though, I know that when I've stayed with them before in their old house and now in their lovely new one, I've been aware of a couple very much in love.
However D— and S—, I've been assured that this condition, while rare,
can be cured by marriage!

Please remain upstanding for a toast to the happy couple, Mr and Mrs T