Speech by Allan Saunders

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Allan Saunders
Speech Date: 05/08/2012 15:59:47

Good afternoon, everyone.

Moira and I would like to welcome you all and thank you for coming to this very special occasion in celebration of the marriage of our daughter Emily to Rupert. If you do not recognise those names, there is a fair chance that you are at the wrong event.

It is a particular pleasure to welcome Rupert's parents Nick and Patti, along with his brothers, Ollie and Rory. And a special mention for the third best man, the second Ollie. Whether you have played a large or a small part in the lives of Rupert and Emily, thank you for coming and also for providing such a dazzling sartorial display; the suits are beyond smart, the dresses beyond chic and the ladies’ hats beyond words.

Absent friends, I am sure, will want us to make this the best of all celebrations.

The experts in these matters say that a father-of-the-bride speech should above all be personal and heart-warming. I have to admit that heart-warming is a bit tricky for someone who spent most of his working life as a tax inspector, but I'll do my best. In addition, speeches should be kept reasonably short (but what that means is unclear). Thankfully, the father-of-the-bride's speech does not have to be witty and entertaining; that is the job of the speeches that follow. So, basically this is a warm-up act. And the speeches that follow will be like Kylie Minogue, short and entertaining. Incidentally, I did say to Rupert it was OK to be brief. Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was only ten sentences long.’ He muttered something about his wedding day being a lot more important than the Gettysburg Address, and I can only agree.

Before I get to the personal, heart-warming bit, I would like to say a big thank you to all those who have contributed in any way to the setting up of Rupert and Emily's special day, above all John and Moira, Nick and Patti and, of course, Rupert and Emily themselves who, apart from anything else, have worked their socks off organising things. The father of the bride is supposed to be the bloke who nearly has heart failure every time a champagne cork goes ‘pop’. Thanks to the generosity of others that should not happen on this occasion, and the father of the bride will not be heading for the bankruptcy court or passing the begging bowl around. I must also thank my wife Judy for organising me and struggling against insurmountable odds to make me look presentable.

It will not surprise to you to be told that I have always been proud of Emily. I may be biased, but I think the personal qualities I take pride in are plain for all to see. And it is those that count, more than any other source of pride, such as her academic achievements. She is a beautiful, intelligent and caring young lady. She is also outgoing, sociable and fun to be with, attributes which, I hasten to add, she acquired from her mother rather than from me. These are difficult times, particularly for young people, but it is less of a worry for a parent when you have a daughter who is so resourceful and quietly determined. If you want proof of her determination, ask her how many times she took her driving test!

My pride in my daughter knew no bounds as I accompanied her up the aisle today, with her looking more beautiful than ever in that stunning dress. It was a joy to see her married in a traditional ceremony in the church that Nick and Patti were also married in. A lovely old church and a ceremony honed through years of tradition, certainly give a church service a bit of an edge over the competition.

Some fathers include in their speeches embarrassing anecdotes about their daughters, but that seems a bit risky to me for a multitude of reasons. I am certainly going to draw a veil over the pea-stuck-in-the-nose incident. If you want to know more, see me later.

On behalf of Rupert's new in-laws may I say that we could not wish for a better son-in-law. Who would not want a son-in-law who was amiable, smart, courteous, kind, considerate, and charming, in short, a gentleman? My favourite definition of a “gentleman” is someone who can play the banjo, but doesn't. And I am sure that if Rupert could play the banjo, he wouldn't. However, the definition that best fits the bill in his case is someone who puts more into the world than he takes out.

I was especially pleased that Rupert observed the traditional courtesies before proposing to Emily. OK he did not call me ‘sir’, but we can work on that. And what could demonstrate his feelings for Emily better than the way he went about making his proposal, the key elements being Venice, a gondola and St Valentines Day? Who said women do love and men do lager?

An added bonus in having Rupert as a son-in-law is that I gain a fellow sports fan. Inexplicably, he still seems to have soft spot for Ipswich Town football club, but you can hardly say he is a typical tractor boy supporter; otherwise the vegetarian option this afternoon would have included a plate of raw carrots.

It is traditional on these occasions for the speaker to offer to the young couple some words of wisdom about what makes a happy marriage, but that seems pointless to me. As George Bernard Shaw said, “Like fingerprints, every marriage is different. So I would just like to offer some practical advice from the great American humorist and poet, Ogden Nash. He said:

                                                To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever your're wrong admit it;

Whenever your're right shut up.

All you young men seeking to win the favour of a young lady would also do well to heed Mr Nash's advice on wooing:

                                                Candy's dandy,

                                                But liquor's quicker.

Before I conclude, I would like to share with you all a piece of totally useless information. Today is the 84^th anniversary of another major cause for celebration. On 7 July 1928, sliced bread went on sale for the very first time. Today really is the best thing since sliced bread! And it will not be beaten!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a radiant bride, we have a handsome groom. Please be upstanding and join me in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Cottam, Rupert and Emily!