Speech by Andrew Watkins

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Andrew Watkins
Speech Date: Sep2004
Good afternoon ladies and gentleman.
For those of you that don't know me, please let me introduce myself, my name is Andrew and I've had the privilege of being Rob's best man. I would like to thank Rob for building the expectations of my speech to a level that I cannot possibly hope to achieve. Anyway I hope you have all enjoyed the day so far and think you would all agree that the bride looks absolutely stunning.

Applause

Rob on the other had looks a little stunned!

Rob I would like to congratulate you on a truly magnificent speech. I always knew it would be difficult to follow one of your speeches, and I was right I didn't follow a bloody word of it.

You can't deny that it hasn't been an emotional day… even the cakes in tiers.

I am only going to be here for a few minutes because of my throat Claire promised me that she would cut it, if I was here too long.

Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I've promised Rob and Claire that if there is anything slightly risqu&#233, I'll whip it out immediately!

I hope you all agree that my first job of getting Rob here on time and sober was a complete success, now it's time for my second job the speech this is the bit I've really been looking forward to.

So Rob and Claire have finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Rob couldn't have done any better and Claire couldn't have done any worse!

So now to start on Rob's character assassination, honestly Rob I'm not here to embarrass you, you did a fine job of that on your stag night.
I first met Rob in work around 5 years ago now although I meet him in work it was always very rare that you would see him do any work. He did however pull me out of a little trouble in work one day. As we walked into the room his first words were “what ever you do don't hit the stop buttons” I replied “yeah no problem”. When I was climbing back down the ladder from being up in the ceiling I accidentally slipped and hit the stop button. The fact that I had 10 pints the night before had nothing to do with it. Rob rushed out from behind the machine only to hear the whole plant down powering. I can't tell you what he said to me but he wasn't very sympathetic. After the way we were both treated i'm quite pleased to say that production was taken down for 5 hours, and resulted in a total loss of 㾽5, 000.

After speaking to a couple of Robs current work colleagues, they tell me that his nickname in work is, THE GOD, it's true, apparently he makes his own rules, and if he does any work it's a bloody miracle.

When Rob and I were in our single days we both liked going out for a drink or two, the only problem was that by the end of the night I would have had about 12 or 13 while Rob would manage to get drunk on 2 shandys.

One sporting activity that Rob had used to keep fit was motor biking Rob you must be the only guy in the world to snap you ligament while riding over a mole hill. After strict instructions from you know who! He has since tried to take up the less dangerous sport of golf. Despite what Rob would tell you, I personally think that he would be a lot better off taking up the javelin, as he can throw his clubs a lot further that he can hit the ball. His French is also improving rapidly. I keep telling Rob that his main problem with his golf game is that he stands too close to the ball..… Usually after he has hit it!

Rob always set out with good intentions on a night out to get me drunk so that I didn't stand a chance with the women and for him to stay sober ish anyway. It all started with a night out in Newport I think anyway! And with the help of Lucy and I we finally managed to get both of them together. You know Claire tells me the first time that she set eyes on Rob she thought he was handsome from afar… Now she thinks he's far from handsome. But never the less she fell for his boyish charms.

Although I could go on character assassinating my good friend all day, I only think it's fair that I say a few words about Claire…
Whilst lying in bed the other night with her, I asked her what she thought of Rob. She said, she thought he was a great guy, but was surprised why he asked me to be his best man. I replied ..… Actually, you don't really need to know this, it's the Claire sat here that we are talking about today, and not my girlfriend who also happens to be called Claire.

Brian has done a great job in summing up his daughter, but I feel I should get my two pennies worth in whilst I still have the chance. We all know Rob needed someone to point him in the right direction in life, but Claire not only points him in the right direction, but also tells him what time to set off, where from, where to, how long he will be, and to make sure he phones at least three times.

So back to the happy couple, I now need you to both to participate in my speech. Claire please put your hand on the table… Rob place you hand on top of Claire's. You enjoying that Rob, you should be it's the last time that you will get the upper hand in this relationship

In all seriousness though Rob you have been a great friend to me over the years. It really has been an honour to be your best man today, with all my heart I hope you both have a long and happy marriage.

You're a lucky man Claire's a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she deserves a good husband. Thank good you married her before she found one.

But you know its funny how history tends to repeat itself.… 29 years ago Claire's parents were putting her to bed with a dummy, and it's happening all over again tonight.

Now onto a more serious note, Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to thank you all for attending, and helping make today an even greater day for the newlyweds, and with great pleasure I would like to ask you all to charge your glasses and be upstanding to join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

“May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last for ever”

Raise glass The toast is to Rob and Claire, the new Mr and Mrs Morgan.