Speech by Anon

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Anon
Speech Date: Jun2005
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,

On behalf of Maureen, Linda and Frank, and myself, I would like to welcome you all on this wonderful occasion of the marriage of Colette & Mark.

Thank you all for coming. It's a delight to see you. I know that many of you have travelled some distances to be here today and I would especially like to thank those who have travelled so far; such as Mark's brother Andrew and Sarah who have travelled from Torquay, Irene and Kevin who have come from Norwich, several of you who have travelled from the London and Surbiton areas, Maureen who has come from Kildare, Tony, Janet and little Erin who have flown from Belfast, and our longest distance traveller Emma who I am told returns to New Zealand in the morning; and of course, Donna and Sheldon who have come from the other end of Mill Lane!

I won't keep you long with my speech, ladies and gentlemen, because of my throat; Maureen has promised to slit it if I carry on for too long!

Two people who we would love to be here today but can't be, is Colette's Uncle John and Mark's Nan. Another guest who should be sitting amongst you is Colette's friend Maria, who chose this very day herself as her wedding day. So Maria is sitting at her wedding reception at this very moment somewhere in the Wirral. So we send Maria and her new husband Jon our best wishes.

Today, I was a very proud father to escort Colette down the aisle. Colette, of course, has always been the light of our lives; simply because she has never learned to turn off a light switch!

But Colette, “You are a shining example of what a daughter can be-
love and laughter, beautiful and good, honest and principled, determined and independent, sensitive and intelligent. You are a shining example of what every parent wishes their daughter to be – and we are so very proud of you.”

Mark. When I first met Mark I thought what a polite, well mannered young man he was. That was until today – when he stole my seat on the return journey from the church in that Cadilac! (I arrived in a cadilac and returned in a minibus!)

Another stain on his character; I learned some time ago that he is a West Ham United supporter! I never realised that West Ham were a real football team. I thought they were something dreamed up by the script-writers of the Alf Garnett Show!. And I was astounded to read the other week that they had won a place through the back door and into the Premiership. So I shall look forward to some interesting discussions with Mark when they play the European champions – and we all know who they are!! But Mark, Maureen and I are delighted to be your new in-laws!

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't see from where you are sitting, but Maureen is starting to sharpen a knife under the tablecloth, so that's my cue to finish!.

So can I ask you to be up-standing, raise you glasses to our new bride and groom, and wish them long life and happiness together……

Colette and Mark