Speech by Anon

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Anon
Speech Date: Jun2005
Chantelle and I, would like to welcome all of you, as our guests today, and thank you for coming, to help us celebrate this happy occasion.

We'd like to congratulate both Serena, and Steve, on their exchanging of vows, and welcome Steve, formally into our family. We love you both. We are pleased to have met, and formed new friendships, with Steve's mum, brothers and friends. I'd like to say, how proud we are, as Serena's parents today. She looks radiant, and is clearly, a very enthusiastic bride.

I thank both Serena, and Steve, for the huge amount of work, they put into organising this wedding. They are excellent organisers, and make a wonderful team. Serena, can actually be, super organised. Only a fortnight ago, she asked her mother, if she'd like to call in one afternoon, on the way home from Ma's place, have afternoon tea, assist with a bit of sewing, go for a walk, twice around Lilydale Lake, do a little shopping at Chirnside Park, do a little more sewing, watch Home and Away on television, do some gardening, under the outside spotlight, attend a wedding practice makeup session, have cake and scones, help hang some curtains, help prepare some thankyou cards, have another cup of tea ……..… with all activities, allocated a precise time, in her diary. On one occasion, in reference to organising the wedding, I overheard Serena refer to Steve, as her, …………………… assistant. Don't tell Steve.

That got me wondering. Who is going to wear the pants in this relationship? That question, reminds me of an old story. A young couple, about Serena and Steve's age, were in their honeymoon suite, on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a strong, macho, blokey type of man threw his pants to his bride, and said, “Here, put these on.”

She put them on, and the waist, was twice the size of her body. “I can't wear your pants,” she said. “That's right!” said the husband, “and don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in this family!” This was no sensitive new age guy. This was a blokey bloke. By today's standards of political correctness he was a real dinosaur.

With that she threw her panties at him, and said, “Try these on.”He looked at her incredulously. “Go on! She urged. “Go on.”

He reluctantly tried them on, and found he could only get them on, as far as his knees. He said, “Hell, I can't get into your panties!”

She said, “That's right, and that's the way it's going to stay, until your attitude changes!”

Steve, as a sensitive new-age guy, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, but that does sound like the sort of thing Serena might say.

THAT LEADS ME INTO SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT SERENA:

This special relationship, that we are celebrating today, started seven years ago, on the 11th of April 1998, at the Offshore Music Festival, at Torquay.
Through a mutual friend of Courtney Taylor's, Daniel, Serena meets Steve.
Steve had something about him, that caught her eye.
Serena felt, a certain attraction. A certain, body chemistry.
Not being one, to beat around the bush, she asked, “Are you available?”

The next day, Steve thought he'd make some conversation with Serena. He said: “Hey babe, what's your sign?” Serena, being Serena replied: “Do Not Enter.” Well, I wonder how long that sign lasted. As they were leaving the Offshore Festival, Steve said to Serena, “I'd like to call you. What's your number?” Serena answered: “It's in the phonebook.” “But I don't know your name,” said Steve. Serena replied, “That's in the phonebook, too.”

A few days after moving in together, at Chirnside Park, Steve asked: “how do you like your eggs in the morning Serena?” Serena, being Serena, replied: “unfertilised.” Well Serena, we're all wondering, what the expiry date on that answer will be.

When I asked Serena, whether she was going to keep her maiden name, Curtin, and have, a hyphenated married name, she told me she'd thought it through, and decided, that she was going to go conventionally unhyphenated, and throw the maiden name right out the window. She told me the alternative, Serena Curtin-Stains, with Stains as a noun, sounded a bit, tarnished. I suggested to Serena, that she reverse the names, stay with the hyphen, and go Serena Stains-Curtin, using Stains as a verb. No, said Serena thoughtfully, that sounds unhygienic. She said it can only be, Serena Stains.

NOW SOME MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR MRS. SERENA STAINS:

Serena, Agatha Christie once said, the best husband a woman can have is an archaeologist; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Let's hope there's a little archaeologist in Steve. A little “Raider, of the Lost Ark”.

Serena, true love, is when he puts the garbage out, ……….., and she goes with him.

Serena, don't let Steve look back in a few years time, and say “When I married Miss. RIGHT, I didn't know her first name, was ALWAYS!”

NOW SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT STEVE:

Nine months ago, on Saturday the 26th June, Steve invited Serena to a special dinner, at a French restaurant in the city, called Bistro One. After dinner, he took her back to a romantic suite, on the 15th Floor, of the Crown Towers, where they spent the night. They watched TV from their spa, with a 180 degree view of the Melbourne skyline. After the football had finished, around 11.00pm, Steve, dressed only in a bath robe, got down on his knee, and asked Serena, ……………………….… to be his wife.

Steve is not just a sport fanatic, he's a romantic sport fanatic. He's a very well read, romantic sport fanatic, with a wide general knowledge. He's not just keen on football and cricket. He likes golf too.

You can learn a lot about a man, on the golf course. I've only played one game of golf with Steve. It was actually in his backyard. Steve's backyard is called the Chirnside Park Country Club. When it comes to golf, I noticed, that he is very different, to his father-in-law. He has a slow, gentle swing, and is very composed. He doesn't swear, or become hysterically upset, when he hits a bad shot. These are signs of maturity. Serena, you have obviously chosen well.

There was a time though, when I wasn't sure that Serena had chosen well. The first time Steve ever visited our house, seven years ago, he was picked up by the Travis-My-Son Taxi Service, from the Geebung Hotel. After he'd destroyed our teledex list of phone numbers, in a spectacular manner, he went off, to watch Serena play netball, at Jell's Park. Before he went in to watch, he knocked off a few Bourbons, with Travis and Daniel, Courtney Taylor's friend, in the netball centre carpark. He only lasted a few minutes inside, before the head umpire came up to Serena, and suggested rather strongly, that she should ask her loud and ennebriated friend, to leave the Netball Centre, as drunks, were not welcome inside the stadium.

It just goes to show, how a person can mature, over seven years or so.

I witnessed this maturity up close, three weeks ago, at Steve's buck's night. It was actually a buck's day-nighter, as it started around lunchtime, at the Mooney Valley Racecourse, and continued at the casino, until 1.30am, when our private bus, hired by the Best Man, Peter Jackson, headed for home. Steve is so mature, that when the bus driver insisted, on dropping him off two kilometres from his home, at 2.30am, rather than outside his front gate, on the grounds that he didn't know the road there, Steve took it very calmly, and without protest. Steve is so mature, that when the driver insisted on giving him four huge bags of empty bottles and cans, as he got off the bus, even though he still had a fair distance to walk home, he took them quietly without argument.

NOW SOME MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR STEVE:

Steve remember this; “there are just two times, when a man doesn't understand a woman, ……………………… before marriage and after marriage.”

Steve, if you want Serena, to listen closely to you, and hang on every word you say, ………………………………………… talk in your sleep.

Steve, don't let Serena look back, in a few years time, and say a husband is a man, who buys his concert tickets, four months in advance, and waits until December the 24th, to do his Christmas shopping.

NOW SOME MARRIAGE ADVICE FOR OUR HAPPY COUPLE:

Happy marriages begin, when we marry the one we love. They blossom, when we love the one we married.

Serena and Steve, as you drive on, through your marriage journey, remember, that for some people, marriage can change the demeanour of the driver – the further they get into their marriage journey, the more likely they are, to mistakenly assume, that there is no longer, any effort needed, to keep both hands, on the wheel.

A great marriage, is not, when the perfect couple comes together. It's when an imperfect couple, learns to enjoy, their differences.

A wise person once said “The secret to a happy, and long-lasting marriage, is a secret.”
Another wise person, once said: “The secret to a happy, and long-lasting marriage, is a good sense of humour, ………………..… and a short memory”

Marriage is made up, of two toothbrushes, …………………………….… but a single tube of toothpaste. Marriage can be a delightful form of combat, where even if you do fight, over the single tube of toothpaste, you still get to sleep, with the enemy.

Khalil Gibran, in his book The Prophet, has these words to say, about marriage:

Let there be spaces, in your togetherness
And let the winds of the heavens, dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be, a moving sea, between the shores of your souls.
Stand together, yet, not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple, stand apart,
And the oak tree, and the cypress tree, grow not, in each other's shadow.

Be close, but also, give each other space, and room to grow.

If love is blind, then marriage, is definitely an eye-opener. Marriage, is the continuous process, of getting used to things, you never expected. S. T. Coleridge, once said, “The most happy marriage, I can imagine to myself, would be the union of a deaf man, to a blind woman.” Serena and Steve, I'm going to leave you with that thought, and suggest, that you develop your relationship, in such a way, that there is no advantage to either of you, in losing one, of your most valued senses.

Serena and Steve, may your love be modern enough, to survive the times of today, and old-fashioned enough, to last forever.

May you grow old on one pillow, and may your joys, be as deep as the ocean, and your troubles, as light as its foam.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you charge your glasses, but remain seated, for our second toast, to the happy couple:

Ladies and Gentlemen, to Serena and Steve