Speech by Brian Jeffrey

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Brian Jeffrey
Speech Date: sep 2003
DEIRDRE & TOM'S WEDDING
Today brings for me personally, a very wide range, of emotions. I feel very proud when I look at Deirdre and her mum, I feel excited for Deirdre and Tom. However, no matter how great are the plans that have been made and festivities that have been organised for today and no matter how much fun we all have it is still tinged with a little sadness when I think of Deirdre's dad missing out on such a wonderful day. Most of all, I feel very humbled, to have been asked to stand in for such a wonderful and very gentle man. I hope that you all have a sufficiency of drink because I am going to depart a little from the tradition now. Can I ask you all to charge your glasses and be upstanding for an additional impromptu toast? I know that there will be other guests here whose day is also tinged with a little sadness at the loss of a loved one and so for us all the toast is, “Absent Friends”.

So on to my speech proper.

It is going to be a short speech on account of my throat. Deirdre has threatened to cut it if I go on too long. This is indeed a very auspicious day. 30th November is of course St Andrew's Day. You may also be aware that it was Winston Churchill's birthday. Churchill was famously once asked to address a prep school and he got up before his very excited and expectant audience and said “Never, Never, Never give up!” then he sat down.

Well you are not going to get away quite as easily as that, but I will try to be brief. I feel a bit like a Sheik entering his harem, I know exactly what I have to do but I'm not sure where to start. Here goes anyway.

Distinguished guests, those of dubious distinction and those of no distinction, family, relatives, in-laws and outlaws, young and old, friends, friends of friends, freeloaders and hangers-on – on behalf of my mother in law Muriel and Tom & Deirdre (that's Dee to most of you) can I extend a warm welcome to Tom and Deirdre's wedding reception celebration. Some of you have travelled very far to be here, a particular thanks to Dee's Auntie Jan who has quite literally travelled half way around the world. I know that for Dee and Tom, the presence of each and everyone of you helps to make their day extra special.

I wish to acknowledge a very special thanks to Fred & Helen for providing the venue and for extending some unprecedented hospitality to me and mine by quite literally giving up their home to us for the past week. A very generous gesture indeed that is most sincerely appreciated. A word of thanks also to Mary for all the hard work she's put into the preparation for today's festivities. The dresses and table decorations are indeed a credit to her.

It is custom, as I understand it that in this speech the groom is welcomed into the bride's family. Well now that we have a certificate I am happy to formally welcome Tom the Proudfoot clan. I was myself welcomed to the clan 22 years ago and I am happy to recommend it to you Tom, as a wonderful, supportive and loving environment, which I am certain will be all the more enhanced for your inclusion. I know that Dee's father heartily approved of her choice, he often spoke very highly of Tom, and he admired his sense of moral and family values, his work ethic and his obvious and unfailing desire to make Dee happy. I witnessed all of these attributes first hand this summer both on holiday and when we lost Dad. The certificate I mentioned earlier is a formal sign of his commitment to our family as part of his own but in truth he has long since, by his actions earned the right to be included and I know that Mum and the rest of the Proudfeet are more than happy to endorse his adoption as a member of the clan.
I'm very pleasantly surprised that we've managed to get this far without ant major hiccups. Deirdre and weddings don't normally mix. As a child she came all down to London as a flower girl for her cousin Merle's wedding. Safely reaching Kings Cross Station only to step onto the platform and get knocked down by a porter and his trolley. To add insult to injury the porter enquired, “Are you alright son”. She went on to tear her flower girl's outfit at the wedding itself. A similar story at my own wedding where she reduced her flower girl's dress to shreds playing on an old tractor. She recently bought an extortionate designer dress and tore it only the second time she wore it. She has been almost manic in the run up to today's event worried about ruining her wedding dress.
Deirdre of course has been a great source of pride to her parents and is a continuing one to her mum. I think that Tom would be first to agree that he could not have built their business without her. It takes a great deal of effort to start a business from scratch clearly Deirdre's contribution will help to ensure that this venture goes from strength to strength.
I asked Tom recently what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually perhaps a family.
When I asked Dee the same question. She replied “A coffee percolator.” Well, she actually said a “perky copulator” but I knew what she meant…

A few words of advice for the happy couple from a 22 year veteran.
To Deirdre –
Never go to bed in the middle of an argument, stay up and fight, but be diplomatic and magnanimous when you let Tom have it your way next morning.
If you want something from Tom, ask for it. Remember he is a man – hints do not work.
Deirdre, from now on you will find that you make all the minor decisions while Tom makes all the major ones. Tom, you will find that all future decisions will turn out to be of a minor nature.

It is true though Tom, that a man is incomplete until he takes a wife, after that he is truly finished.

It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership…I don't know who made this statement but whoever it was they knew very little about marriage and even less about fractions.
And Tom – remember the words of Oscar Wilde, ‘Women are meant to be loved, not understood.’
Marriage will bring you many things – loyalty, self-restraint, obedience and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldn't have needed had you remained single.
Remember, now that you are married, Dee will have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards is, by default, the start of a new argument!
Remember also Tom that when you buy her flowers it PROVES you are guilty. (But of course remember the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers!!)
And lastly remember these two invaluable words – “Yes Dear”.

We all wish you a wonderful marriage and hope you have a really great honeymoon, which, Tom, you will find is the period between ‘I Do’ and ‘You'd Better.’
I can see Deirdre is eyeing the knife in front of her rather ominously so I think it is time I sat down, but before I go, some genuine, sage advice, “Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love and they blossom when we love the one we married.”

Ladies and gentlemen it is very obvious that they have found in one another a perfect match, their happiness shines like a beacon. Please charge your glasses and be upstanding once more. To the beacon of their love – may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial. The toast is, The Bride and Groom.