Speech by Chris Pooley

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Chris Pooley
Speech Date: sep 2003
BEGINNING
Get up mobile phone in hand – "Well thank you Vicar it is a bit inconvenient at the moment I am just about to start the speeches".
I'm afraid there's been a bit of a hiccup in the proceedings, the vicar has just phoned to say that we have to do the registry signing all over again. It appears that Mark's pen wouldn't work so he borrowed the vicars. He was still having problems so the vicar said "put your weight on it" I'm afraid Lorraine that you are now Mrs 12 stone 11 pounds.
I've tried to memorise this speech, which isn't easy when you have the memory retention of a goldfish, so forgive me if resort to my notes… every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far..… And neither does my eyesight
As Father of the Bride, it is my privilege to welcome you all here today, There are a couple of people who I wish could have been here but hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar.
I'd like to begin by offering my sincere thanks and appreciation to all those who have worked so hard and long to help put this day together, a day which, I am sure, Lorraine and Mark will cherish for the remainder of their lives together.

We had a wedding rehearsal on ?————–? And the vicar noticed that Lorraine was in some distress and so he asked her what was wrong. She said she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The vicar told her that she need only remember 3 things.
First the aisle because that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the altar because that is where you'll arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While Lorraine and I was walking in to the bridal march our family and friends were horrified to hear her mutter under her breath Aisle, Altar, Hymn (I'll alter him) (I'll alter him) (I'll alter him)
Mark has always been welcome but now I would formerly like to welcome him into the family. BUT. I would just like to say that no matter what happens there are no returns or refunds even with a receipt.

Apparently it's traditional for the bride's father to offer some worldly thoughts and advice about marriage. During the last 31years, I've learned a few things about it, so here goes .…
To Lorraine, the definition of a perfect wife is one who helps her husband with the dishes.…
And to Mark, remember, man is incomplete until he finds a wife – then he's finished!
Mark, never go to sleep with an unfinished argument hanging over you. Be a man! Stay awake and fight to the bitter end! You're going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it over and done with!
Proper Advice? Well, just keep four things in mind.…
The first is love, closely followed by friendship, then tolerance, and then communication. Easy to say – but they can be quite hard to carry out. You must both realise that marriage isn't easy, but it's not impossible. Many of us know that everyone faces ups and downs in a life commitment. There is no secret to a happy marriage. You'll both have to work at it, like many of us.
There is no challenge in a marriage that cannot be overcome by the following three, three-word sentences. These are:
I was wrong!
You were right!
I love you!
I started planning this speech month's ago, …and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, But at last I'm nearly at the end and I only have a few words left to say…

Marriage is the meeting
of two minds…
of two hearts… and
of two souls.

May you be blessed with happiness that grows…
with love that deepens.… and
with peace that endures.

I wish you fun and excitement for today.…
hopes and dreams for tomorrow.…
and love and happiness forever.

Ladies and Gentlemen please stand, raise your glasses and drink a toast with me to the health and happiness of our
Bride & Groom
Lorraine & Mark
Health and happiness.
Thank You

Chris Pooley
27 September 2003