Speech by Dave Webb

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Dave Webb
Speech Date: Oct2004
Distinguished guests, those of dubious distinction and those of no distinction, family, relatives, in-laws and outlaws, young and old, friends, friends of friends, freeloaders and hangers-on, let me extend a warm welcome to Katie and Dave's wedding reception celebration.
I've tried to memorise this speech, which isn't easy when you have the memory retention of a geriatric goldfish, so please forgive me if I resort to my notes, probably every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far… And neither does my eyesight.

Now I'm only going to speak for a few moments because of my health, Katie said she'll kill me if I talked any longer.

I know I speak on behalf of Sue and the rest of our family when I say how proud we are today to see Katie looking so beautiful, finally married to Dave.
Being daddies little girl, Katie has always held a special place in my heart, and I hope that she'll always have a special place in Dave's heart.
During the time we have known him we have come to realise how special he is to Katie, and everyone can see how they are made for each other.
He is really likable and easy going, and we are happy to welcome him formally into our family.

At this point in the proceedings, it is traditional to bring up an embarrassing moment from Katie's past or to highlight strange character traits so that you can have a laugh at her expense. I'd try some of the blonde jokes, but Katie wouldn't get them anyway, and I'd risk a back hander from Sue. So on the basis that she has as much on me as I have on her and in the interest of self preservation I am just going to skip that.

But I will tell you about the time she put an advert in the Evening Post that read “Husband Wanted” and she got 97 replies all saying the same thing…..”You can have mine!”
Dave also tried hard before he found my daughter. I understand that he sent a photo to the lonley hearts club but they sent it back saying “we're not that lonely!”

I would like to offer up a few worldly thoughts and advice about marriage. I've been married for 29 years and feel I am just about getting the measure of it, so here goes……

Remember, a marriage certificate on it's own is not a qualification. It doesn't mean you have achieved something. It comes with no guarantees of quality and it makes no mention of the length of the marriage.

Marriage is not only about finding a perfect partner, but also about being one.

To Katie.… If you want something from Dave, ask for it. Remember, Dave is a man, hints do not work.
You will find in your marriage that you make all the minor decisions, whilst Dave makes all the major decisions. Dave, you will find out that all future decisions turn out to be of a minor nature.

And finally to Katie, the definition of a perfect wife is one who helps her husband with the dishes..…

To Dave..… You must consider the words of Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved, not understood.”
Marriage will bring you many things, loyalty, self restraint, obedience and a whole host of other virtues you wouldn't have needed had you stayed single.

Now that you are married, Katie will always have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards is by default, the start of the next argument! Always remember as a great philosopher once said “A man who gives in when he is wrong is a wise man, whilst a man who gives in when he is right is married.
Remember, when you buy her flowers…..it proves you are guilty (but of course, beware the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers).
Put the seat down after you.
And remember those two invaluable words “yes dear”.

Proper advice? Well, just keep four things in mind……

The first is love, closely followed by friendship, then tolerance, and then communication. Easy to say – but they can be quite hard to carry out.

You must both realise that marriage isn't easy, but it's not impossible. Many of us know that everyone faces ups and downs in a life commitment. There is no secret to a happy marriage. You'll both have to work at it, like many of us.

There is no challenge in a marriage that cannot be overcome by the following three-word sentences.

These are;
I was wrong!
You were right!
I love you!

Katie and Dave
Here's to the past for all that you've learned

Here's to the present for all that you share

And here's to the future for all that you can look forward to together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding, and raise your glasses to Katie and Dave