Speech by David Glass

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: David Glass
Speech Date: 30/10/2014 08:59:50

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those who do not know me I am John, Mary's very proud Dad.

I should probably make you aware from the start that I lack any real practical experience as a speaker. Having spent over 30 years of my life living in a house with three women there have been few opportunities when I have been allowed to speak and even fewer when anyone has actually been listening.

Today we are celebrating the love that has united Mary and Tom in marriage and the families and friends that have influenced the lives of these two very special people. So Janet and I would like to extend a warm welcome to Tom's Mum Judy, and to everybody here today.

Now about our darling Mary, what can I say.

It seems only yesterday that Mary was being sick and crawling around on all fours – but the less said about her wine consumption the better.

We have been taking Mary to venues all her life from nursery and school, through dance and music lessons to Rainbows and judo classes, then waiting in the car for Mary to appear. But I have been dreading this day because I have always known that Mary will not emerge from here to get into the car beside me.

From a very early age Mary has brightened up our days – by constantly leaving the lights on throughout the house before going out.

Earlier as the car stopped at the church, a memory filled my mind. Whenever we as a family were on long car journeys Mary would constantly ask “ARE WE THERE YET?” Well I can now say – “Yes Mary we are most definitely there”.

You know, it brought a tear to my eye seeing Mary standing in the church, my little girl all grown up in her wedding dress saying “I will”.  That'll be the first time she's said that without throwing a strop!

It is my obligation and great pleasure to formally welcome Tom into our family. I think you have been with Mary long enough to know what you are letting yourself in for by joining us so to be honest mate I have no sympathy for you.

If I can court danger for a moment may I say, Tom that Mary has inherited a lot of your new mother-in-law's traits so now that you're actually married to Mary – well good luck.

Now, it's customary on these occasions for me to offer the happy couple some worldly advice on marriage. As if there is a husband alive who has ever fully understood the female mind. But I have learned this, whenever you're wrong, admit it and whenever you're in the right just stop talking!”

My late in-laws George and Mildred were married for 54 years and I once asked Janet's Dad if he had ever thought of divorce. “Divorce never” he replied “but murder? Every single day”

One final piece of advice to the happy couple. – Your Mum and I have been together for almost 35 years, and I haven't got a clue how we did it or what the secret is – but we did it!!  One thing I can tell you, getting through the difficult times together will make your love and your marriage stronger.

Now a wedding is a time for celebration, with friends and family gathered to see the happy couple off as they start their new life together. But it is a time when our thoughts inevitably turn to those people who have meant so much but could not be here today.

So please raise your glasses to toast those absent relatives and friends who we dearly miss….

TO ABSENT LOVED ONES!

Before I finish I'd like to share a story with you all, Which I think suits this occasion.

A two strangers, a man and a woman found themselves sharing the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment had passed they both managed to fall asleep with the woman on the top bunk and the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leaned of the edge of the bunk and said “I'm sorry to bother you but I am terribly cold and was wondering if you could possible pass me another blanket?”

The man looked up with a glint in his eye and said “I've got a better idea – why don't we pretend we're married?” “Why not giggled the woman” “Good” he replied “Get your own blanket!”

I think I have ticked all the boxes and I can see Tom eager to stand up so, ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses for the new Mr & Mrs Smith.