Speech by David Hanson

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: David Hanson
Speech Date: Jul2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, David just asked me "Would you like to speak now.… Or shall we let our guests enjoy themselves a little longer?"..… Well, I'm afraid we decided that you'd had enough fun for a while!

So.… good evening everyone.

First of all, on behalf of Rebecca and Rob, Lynn and David, and Mary and myself, I'd like to warmly welcome you all to R&R's wedding reception.

This doesn't mean, by the way, that I'm in any way responsible for the organisation of this marvellous event.

Far from it! All of the planning and organising has been done by R&R themselves – and a really excellent job they seem to have made of it!

They, of course, also chose this fascinating location for the reception..… And what a great location it is – and how lucky that the weather's been good enough for us to appreciate the impressive views.

By the way, as you may have noticed, I know them as ‘Rebecca and Rob – so if you happen to know them as ‘Beccy and Rob’ or ‘Beccy and Robert’ or even ‘Rebecca and Robert’, or maybe something completely different (!), you know who I mean!

I wonder if many of you know that Winston Churchill was once asked to address a Prep school.…

He's reputed to have stood up and said "Never, never, never, give up!" and then sat down again.

Well, you're not going to escape quite that lightly, but I will be fairly brief! …….…

Firstly, a few pieces of trivia.… You'll be fascinated to know, I'm sure, that today, the 9th July, is a notable day, not only because it will for ever more be known as R&R's wedding day, but also because on this day a variety of notable people were born….…

Dame Barbara Cartland, Sir Edward Heath, David Hockney, and Tom Hanks….… to name but 4

I've uncovered a variety of fascinating quotes from this motley crew..… But no..… They're really not quite fascinating enough to read out here!!

Also, apparently, lightning struck York Minster Cathedral on this very day 21 years ago.… (look out of windows worriedly!). But hopefully we'll escape that fate this evening!

So, today I gave away my daughter.… And what a great pleasure that was…… and how easily those words can be misinterpreted!

What a strange concept that is – ‘giving away one's daughter’…… As though she were some possession of mine to dispose of as I wished!

I'm pleased to say that Rebecca has always very much had a mind of her own and it was a very long time ago (I believe I even had a full head of hair then!) when I realised that I had only the most limited influence on her actions!

I'm sure every father believes his daughter is perfect (or very nearly anyway!) – and I'm no different. We've both been proud of her since .… Well, since she was born probably!

I could bore you (and embarrass her!) by recounting details of her many achievements… this certificate, that exam, this award, or whatever – when she's given us every reason to be proud..… But I'll resist the temptation!

And anyway, it's not just that sort of thing that's been such a source of pleasure – it's been her contribution to us as a family as well.

Her insistence on fascinating experimental cookery for us all at home for example – usually involving half a dozen obscure (and inevitably expensive!) ingredients to be acquired for some exotic recipe she'd discovered – the unused 90% of the ingredients of course then disappearing into the larder never to be seen again!

Of course, it's traditional to make comments about smoke alarms and such like when referring to one's daughter's cooking, but I shall refrain, as despite going through the "what obscure ingredients can we use for this one" phase, Rebecca became a very accomplished cook.

She's even been known to prepare some excellent meat dishes occasionally!! (NB. She's a vegetarian!)

That interest started surprisingly early in life. She was less than 2 years old when we came down early one morning to find her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor surrounded by broken eggs and flour!

She'd apparently been trying to mix them in a bowl which she was then carefully placing in the oven! I'm not sure what she thought she was making, but luckily she hadn't yet learned to turn the oven on at that stage!

So, although we can see the makings of the proficient cook from those early toddler days, it's difficult to see the makings of the present day successful actuary.…

I have no recollections of her carefully putting aside a percentage of her pocket money each week towards a future pension for example (far from it, in fact!)…

But, become an actuary she did.…

And it was with great pleasure and pride that we attended the formal presentation ceremony the year before last, after she qualified.…

There may be one or two of you still not quite sure exactly what an actuary is, or does.… so I thought I'd share with you the formal definition which I came across recently..…

(Aside) Don't yawn Oliver, you never know, it might be interesting!

So this is it ….…

An actuary is a person who passes as an expert on the basis of a prolific ability to produce an infinite variety of incomprehensible figures, calculated with micrometric precision, from the vaguest of assumptions, based on debatable evidence, from inconclusive data, derived by persons of questionable reliability, for the sole purpose of confusing an already hopelessly befuddled group of persons who never read the statistics anyway!

Well, perhaps it isn't the official definition, but it sounds plausible!!

(Aside) There you are – I told you it would be interesting!

Somewhere between the first experiments with cooking at the tender age of a year and a half, and qualifying as an actuary, Rebecca met Rob.

We've known him for many years now – indeed, he already seems one of the family – but it was apparent from their early days together how well he and Rebecca got on, and how well matched they were – in everything but height of course!

He clearly has good taste (!)…… and combines a sharp wit and quirky sense of humour (which you may have already appreciated when reading your invitation!) with an enthusiasm for life which matches Rebecca's.

She, of course, has sought to train him in a variety of ways (as women do!) but they are also well matched in having minds of their own – and in respecting that attribute in each other.

They do have many interests in common however, one of the more topical being that of wallowing in mud at Glastonbury!

It is, I believe, traditional for the Bride's father to offer some worldly thoughts and advice about marriage.… I'm sure I should have learnt something worthwhile in the past 33 years, but Mary might not agree! ……

Some notable person once said – and I've completely forgotten who it was – "Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!"

And to bring that up to date, I would add that a GPS wouldn't be much help either!

So, to Rob in particular..…

Always do your bit around the house, Rob.… Apparently there has never been a recorded case where a wife has shot her husband while he was doing the washing up.

And more importantly, always remember the words of Oscar Wilde, "Women are meant to be loved… not understood!"

And one little thought for Rebecca..…

If you haven't discovered it already, if you want something from Rob, best ask for it. Hints really don't work on men!

Well, finally I'd like to return to Winston Churchill and his excellent advice….…

Never, never, never, give up – on loving each other, and on working together to make your marriage last and become everything that you'd both like and deserve.

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses to R & R as we wish them the greatest health and happiness for their future life together

To R & R!