Speech by Dennis O’Gara

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Dennis O’Gara
Speech Date: Aug2005
Distinguished guests, those of dubious distinction and those of no distinction, family, relatives, in-laws and outlaws, young and old, friends, friends of friends, freeloaders and hangers-on as father of the bride – let me extend a very warm welcome to Kate and Damian's wedding reception celebration.

Before I start can I just ask who knows me ?
For those that said no how do you know it's me then ?
Apologies are in order for those guests who didn't come today eg Madam Clara the world famous and renowned clairvoyant who was invited but couldn't make it due to unforeseen circumstances !
My grandfather would have loved to be here today but he was killed at the Battle of Lttle Big Horn…..he was camping in the next field and went over to complain about the noise and they shot him !
As Henry V111 said to each of his wives in turn, ‘I'll try not to keep you very long,’”
Knowing I like a bet I was told someone is running a book on the length of my speech so can you put me down for 28 minutes 37 seconds ?

As father of the bride, it is my privilege to make a speech but I have to say, making this speech is a bit like being invited to go to bed with the Queen
It's a great honour but it's something you don't really look forward to.

As George Nathan ( USA author and drama critic ) once said .… Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery.

Funny thing marriage though, did you know they carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men live longer than bachelors do? Apparently, there's absolutely no difference it just seems longer when you're married

I'll let you into a little secret Kate was very tense when we had the wedding rehearsal on Thursday evening so the vicar tried to calm her down with some useful advice.

She said “don't worry all you have to do is remember three things when you get to the church you just walk up the aisle with your dad until you reach the alter where I'll be standing, then we all sing Hymns so just Remember the AISLE the ALTER and the HYMS.
I don't know if any of you could hear her but when we walked up the aisle Kate kept saying “I'LL ALTER HIM”

You will all have heard the saying the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach so it will be interesting to see how Damian copes with Kate's cooking as she is the only person I know who uses a smoke alarm as a timer !

Anyway, I would like to give some words of advice to the newly weds never go to bed on an argument, stay up all night and fight.
Damian; don't do what a Friend of mine did on his wedding night. Getting undressed for bed he threw his trousers to his bride and said try these on. She did and burst out laughing, saying they're much too big for me I look ridiculous. He said to her exactly; now we are married don't forget who wears the trousers.

Well she gave him his trousers back and then threw her knickers at him saying put them on.
He said I can't get into them.
She said “exactly …and don't even think about it until you change your attitude !! “

Some time ago I asked Damian what he was looking for in a marriage and he said love, happiness and companionship. I asked Kate the same question and she said she would like a coffee percolator. She actually said a perky copulator, but I knew what she meant.

Kate tells me Damian has a head for money …..It's got a slot in it !
Ann and I are very proud today, to see Kate looking so beautiful, married to Damian a handsome and very dashing groom.

During the time we've known him, we've come to realise how special he is to her; and anyone can see that they're happy together and made for each other.

Kate was born in 1980 and in that year :-
Who Shot JR? is talked about heavily from the TV show Dallas. On November 21, the conclusion draws more viewers than any other show in TV history up to that point.
Summer Olympics in Moscow, USSR, The US boycotts
Post-It Notes are introduced by 3-M
John Lennon is assassinated by Mark David Chapman
Ronald Reagan is elected, defeating Jimmy Carter.
Sadam Hussein launches war against Iran for close to a decade over oil rights.
I remember the day Kate was born as she arrived so quickly I couldn't get out of the delivery room and had to stay and witness the whole thing which to be honest I didn't really enjoy !
I'm sure Mel will have some funny things to tell us about Kate but one really odd thing about her that's worth relating is the fact that when she couldn't sleep rather than play relaxing music or read a book Kate would watch a video of the big ending scene of the “FULL MONTY”……Why ??

I would like to thank all the people who have helped and provided all kinds of assistance and support to make today so special. You know who you are and you are too numerous to mention in detail but on behalf of Ann, Damian, Kate and myself I thank you all.
I would also like to thank the staff of Hamiltons for the organisation and the meal. A very special thank you must go to Andrew and Gaynor for allowing us to use their field and putting up with all the upheaval.
As a man you realise that weddings are something that require a massive amount of organisation and planning, and you think that you are contributing. The reality is you are an innocent bystander. You are allowed to ask the odd question now and again!! As long as it isn't “HOW MUCH ?”

So that's it and it only remains for me to say :-
Here's to the past, for all that you've learned.
Here's to the present, for all that you share.
Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to TOGETHER.
Ladies & Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to toast Kate and Damian.