Speech by Don

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Don
Speech Date: 25/06/2013 09:17:37

 (Shout) FORNICATION…Sorry I'll begin again it's just nerves… For An Occasion like this, it is customary for the father of the bride to say a few words, and for you to listen. Let's hope that we both finish at the same time.

Distinguished Guests, those of lesser distinction, and those of no distinction at all, family, relatives new and old, inlaws, outlaws, friends and friends of friends. Welcome to Fiona and Colin's Wedding.

It's been a great day, so far, and my great day started when I saw Fiona in her dress for the first time, She looks beautiful, she took my breath away. Her Mum and I are extremely proud of her. 

There are a few people I would like to thank. For instance, Colin for turning up today. I can honestly say, that without him, the day would not have been as good or happy.

It has been a great pleasure to welcome Colin into the family, and if Fiona fits into the Raeburn family as well as Colin has into ours, then her Mum and I have nothing to worry about.

I've actually congratulated Colin already. ‘Colin,’ I said to him, ‘Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.’ Fitting words, I thought, as he set off for his stag night.

A big thank you, must go to both Jim and Jenny for the contribution they have made to the wedding. It has been a pleasure organising the wedding with them. They have made it a very easy and happy task.

Today has shown that this is a love match, Pure and Simple. I thought when I looked at them standing there in Church, that Fiona looked so pure, and Colin… looked great in his kilt.

moving on…

<Thanked the minister and the lady who did the flowers>

Also the hotel staff deserve a special mention for the marvellous service and food we have all just enjoyed. Or, in my case, would have enjoyed, if I didn't have to make this speech.

I would also like to show my appreciation to the people who have made a special effort to be here with us from far flung places such as London, Hereford, Hamilton and Motherwell, and also to remember the guests who couldn't make it because of illness or frailty.

Now you may have noticed that there are no favours on the tables today. This is deliberate, Fiona decided that she would prefer to donate the money that would have been spent on them to Cancer Research. So don't have anything but Cancer Research does.

And last but not least I would like to thank Margaret, my wife, she has always been there for Fiona and given help and advice where and when needed. For instance, Fiona asked her mum, if she knew of something meaningful, she could get engraved, on the inside of Colin's wedding ring. Margaret suggested “Put-it-back-on!”

This years events in the Cunningham household have been very happy and chaotic. I said to Margaret that Hollywood could make a film of it. “Who would you pick to play you?” she asked me. I thought about it for a minute, then answered, “George Clooney, of course” “What about you?” “Well in that case, I'll just play myself.”

As proud parents we have done the embarrassing bit and shown Colin the pictures of Fiona lying on the hearth rug, half naked, gurgling and blowing bubbles. That was a helluva 21st, wasn't it, Fiona!

I have no idea where he took Fiona for their first date. But Fiona told me that he said “If you were on the menu you'd be McGorgeous.”

As many of you know it took a long time for Colin to propose, and being a man, he doesn't take the hint easily. When they were buying a Chinese carry out, Colin asked how she would like her rice, Boiled or Fried? Fiona looked him straight in the eye, and said “Thrown!”

I asked Colin what he wanted out of marriage and he said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Fiona the same question and she replied “A coffee percolator”. She actually said ‘a perky copulator’ but I'm sure I knew what she meant.

Before the wedding the minister said that it was important to know what matters to each other. “For example,” he said to Colin, “do you know your new wife's favourite flower?” Colin answered, “I think it's Be-ro Self Raising.” So he has a lot to learn.

Before I finish I would like to give them some advice. Live each day as if it's your last and each night as if it's your first. And I hope that when you look back over the years you will realise, that today was the day, that you loved each other, the least.

Fiona was born, I blinked, and then I was walking her down the aisle, and now I am proposing a toast to her and her new husband. But as you toast them both, please also, toast each other.

You have come to help us celebrate this special occasion, of those we love, and those who love each other. Guests, please raise your glasses to Colin, Fiona and love.