Speech by Garth Sharpe
Hello my Daughter got married three weeks ago and with the help of your web site a managed to put together a speech which to my surprise and delight went down well!! so well in fact I got a standing ovation Many thanks for the help I got
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Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Garth Sharpe
Speech Date: Aug2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some bad news @ after writing and re@writing, editing and re@editing, the very shortest I could make this speech is one hour and sixteen minutes. But don't worry, I'm not going to do the whole thing right now … instead, here are the worst five minutes.
2
This takes me back to the last occasion that I was called upon to say a few words at a wedding. It was twenty five years ago this December and it was my wedding to Linda's Mum Carol. I recall being totally lost for any thing of any consequence to say. A feeling of total inadequacy descended upon me. It was a new experience to me. I was young and really knew nothing about being inadequate.
I hope my daughter will permit me to offer her a few additional words of advice as to how to look after her husband in the years to come. Firstly, you must remember the drill: Gin and tonic at the front door, wine on the dining table, and a large brandy for the armchair PAUSE and when your husband comes home from work, he can help himself to a small drink as well.
Actually, NAME OF BRIDEGROOM, the best advice I can give you, in all seriousness, is: Be supportive, be a good listener, be sympathetic @ and for goodness sake, don't leave soap suds on the plates when you rinse them.
was getting a little sentimental and decided to get out a few old photograph albums. Tears welled up in my eyes as I turned the pages and the one picture that stood out from the others was the striking photograph of my darling daughter lying on the rug, as nature intended and gurgling at the lens. What a poppet she looked as she kicked her little legs in the air. PAUSE Yes, it was her 18th/21st Birthday…
ADDRESSING BRIDEGROOM Give and take, INSERT NAME OF BRIDEGROOM. That's the secret of a happy marriage, I have found. Give and take. They're the key words. The wife gives the orders and you take them.
1 Get Yourself Properly Introduced
Guests at every function love to exchange gossip and greetings, so when the time arrives for you to speak, it's likely that there will
generally be quite a lot of noise in the room. Before you speak, you will need to attract and retain your audience's attention.
Everyone will have to settle down. And the person banging the toastmaster's hammer, or the silver spoon on the tabletop, should
never be you. Find someone else to introduce you, preferably a friend or a colleague who speaks with authority or has a big voice.
When the noise has died down, stand up. But don't rush it. Take a few extra seconds for the noise to dip right down. Begin speaking
when you feel ready to do so @ not when the audience wants you to!
2 Know Your Audience @ and Speak To Them!
Your Speech@Masters writers once scripted a famous BBC TV entertainment show. Guests included acrobats and ice skaters from
a world famous Soviet circus.
The producer decided it would look good if the performers joined the audience on set. We all looked forward to the big laughs and
surprises. The show began, cameras rolled, the dancers came on and sat down. The presenter read out his script @ but nobody
laughed. Oh dear! Why hadn't the Soviets found the show the slightest bit funny? The answer was … None of the entertainers
understood English!
So the moral of the story is: Know Your Audience. When you speak, make eye contact with people. Move your head round the room,
from left to right. People listen if you address them in person.
3 Brevity @ Leave Them Wanting More
A famous actor, who made it big in Britain and Hollywood, was noted for enjoying his privacy. And anyone calling his telephone
number at home was left in no doubt that he'd rather not have been troubled at all.
When his answerphone clicked in, callers were greeted with a simple message: ”I'm out!” Then the tone. That was it. He kept it brief
@ and everyone got the message!
It's a discipline that's well worth remembering when you come to deliver your speech. If you are being asked to speak for a set time,
practise your speech in advance, read it out loud and time it. If you're speaking for too long, cut the text back to make it fit. Your guests
are human @ their attention span is limited!
4 Make Yourself Heard And Don't Race
Before you open your mouth, look up and cast your eye around the room. Pick out one or two people in the very back row @ and then
start talking to them.
It doesn't matter whether you're at an intimate family reception, or addressing the Trades Union Conference. Always make sure the
members of your audience at the back are receiving you loud and clear. This is especially important if you are trying to raise a few
laughs. If they can't hear you at the back, they won't laugh!
Never gabble or canter through your text. Always speak clearly and slowly. And don't be afraid to use the pause. On your memory
jogging cards, write the word ”Pause” for yourself, to act as a reminder to yourself to stop talking.
5 Cards and Notes You Can Read
If your speech has been written by Speech@Masters, which obviously we hope it has !, paste it up on cards. Two tips here: make
sure the lettering you use is sufficiently large for you to be able to read the text at a glance. Avoid scribbling re@writes or arrows
around the page.
Make sure you allow yourself plenty of time to practise your speech in advance of your big day. And even if you think you know it off by
heart, make sure you keep your cards handy at all times and keep up with your text as you read aloud.
Audiences are always most forgiving when they see reference being made to notes. The only person who thinks it looks bad is you.
6 Structure
It's not a bad idea to carry a notebook, so that you can jot down ideas that come to you for your speech. Collate these in the run@up
to your speech day and then plan yourself a structure for what you want to say. You don't have to write your speech all in one go,
but it's a good idea to section off the various points you want to make and then write them one at a time.
7 Confidence And Breathing
One of the knacks involved in delivering a speech in style is being able to keep a secret. What secret? The secret is that you're feeling
nervous! And it must remain your own little closely@guarded secret.
Before you stand up to speak, concentrate on steadying your nerves and breathing deeply and easily @ and, above all, keep smiling.
If you haven't spoken in public before, then practise with your friends before you have to deliver your speech.
Many first@time speakers become flustered when they are called upon to give a public address. But if you have planned a few
rehearsals with some friendly faces in advance, then the day won't seem quite so daunting when it finally arrives.
8 Research In Time
No matter what subject you're speaking on, your audience will always respond well to what you have to say if your speech appears
to them to have been well researched. If you have done your homework and have discovered some interesting and informative
data, then don't be afraid to tell your audience that you have been busy researching. Say: ”Last week, I did my research and I found
out so@and@so”.
They will appreciate the hard work you've put in. Remember also: you are creating a speech for your audience's enjoyment, not
really for your own. So take your friends” comments to heart and don't be afraid to make changes to your text.
9 Nerves
Everyone suffers from nerves but the way to beat them is to remember that practise makes perfect. If you have read through your text,
practised with individual friends, and in group session, if you have made changes and feel that the final draft you have prepared now
incorporates your colleagues” suggestions, then there is no reason why you should suffer from nerves.
10 Fluffs
Don't worry if you fluff your delivery, lose your place or find your mouth going dry. Your speech isn't a race against the clock even
though that's how you might feel and want to get it over with as soon as possible!. Your audience will be patient, so have a sip of
water, take a deep breath and repeat the line.
Don't worry about the expectant silence. It only feels like a long time to you. People sometimes welcome mistakes and will be
more on your side if they see that you are only human! Above all, try to enjoy it. It really is surprising how getting a good laugh can
inspire confidence.
Ladies and Gentlemen
As father of the bride, it is my privilege to make the first speech. Somebody should tell my knees that it's a privilege!
I want to start by apologising for Gary & Sam being late. It's taken them more than 9 years to get here today! Their ”lightning” romance puts me in mind of the story about the couple who were engaged for 30 years. Eventually the wife@to@be laid on a nice candle@lit dinner for her intended @ with champagne, the works @ and whispered romantically "Isn't it time we thought about getting married?" "Good heavens," he replied, "who would have us now?
Gary's not like that, of course.
In fact, I can tell you a true story about the first time I ever laid eyes on him @ perhaps a year before he and Sammy started going out. He turned up with a couple of mates at the cricket club dinner, as drunk as a newt already, and making a lot of noise. The good news was that he soon calmed down. The bad news was that he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the dining table first.
I remember thinking "I hope to goodness my daughters don't end marrying somebody like that!"
To be honest, we were hoping she'd marry somebody with a bit of class, so obviously Ringmer cricketers were completely out of the question. Was it Groucho Marx who once said he wouldn't want to join any club that would have him as a member?
Many of you will remember that Sam was only just 16 when Gary first asked her out. At the time, we hadn't realised Gary was the "Chunder" hero of the cricket club dinner @ or you probably wouldn't be here today.
In fairness, Gary isn't the type to get drunk and honk on his dinner @ he normally just falls asleep in it.
I believe that marriage will teach Gary loyalty, self@restraint, and control. It will develop in him a sense of fair play… and many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had stayed single.
Some time ago, Gary asked me what it would cost to get married. I had to admit @ I just don't know. I'm still paying.
So I asked him what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually a family.
I asked Sam the same question. She replied "A toaster."
Handing Sam over to Gary reminds me of what my own father@in@law, Geoff, said at our wedding:
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
And if all it does is @ just sit in your house, messes up your stuff, spends your money, eats your food, uses the telephone all night, and monopolises your TV…
You either married it, or gave birth to it!
Before getting to the toast, I'd like to say a few words about Sam's mum, Hazel. The real head of the family.
I know you all think of Hazel as being quiet and sober.… but that's not the whole story, of course. She's quite a deep, thinking person @ you know, the philosophical type @ which is how we came to be discussing marriage, the other day.
I tried a few loose definitions on her, which I thought were quite clever…
"Marriage is the difference between painting the town and painting the porch"
"Marriage is like a steaming hot bath. Once you're in it, it's not so hot."
To be honest, she wasn't amused, so I tried teasing something out of her on the subject.
Interesting word, isn't it, marriage? "Would you say it's an ”institution” or just a word?"
I think she must have misheard because her instant reply was "I'd say it was more of a sentence."
I remember asking her if she'd ever thought of divorce. "No" she said "only murder!"
Funny thing marriage. Did you know they carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men live longer than bachelors. Apparently, there's absolutely no difference @ it just seems longer when you're married!
As you may know, I haven't been too well lately. I went to see the Doc last week and he suggested I gave up half my sex life. "Which half," I asked, "talking about it or thinking about it?"
Seriously though, I can honestly say that Hazel and I are delighted to welcome Gary into the family. As his friends rightly told us, Gary genuinely is a nice guy and @ although I've never asked his parents, Keith and Carol @ I can see how proud they are of him.
And Gary and Sammy are extremely well suited, aren't they? Both easy going except Sam, both respectful to their parents except Sam, both able to deal with disaster and triumph in the same way except Sam, the drama queen. Never mind, we love her to bits and she knows it.
I was telling Sammy the other day that, because I was worried about choking up, I wouldn't be able to say nice things about her today. She put her hands on her hips and said: "Well somebody had better say something nice!"
Whatever, they're happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together @ and I am not the man to dispense advice in public. In fact, according to Hazel, I'm not the man to dispense advice at all!
And what about the bridesmaids? Didn't they look lovely, in the church? How many people in this room can say they love the bride and 2 of the bridesmaids @ and fancy the other one! Poor Sharon is sitting there now, wondering whether to be flattered or insulted!
Sharon, do you remember when the second eleven won the league, and that drunken pervert tried to pinch your bottom? He chased you across the village green, over to the Anchor, round the village hall… Goodness, he must have chased you half@way round the village…
I never did catch you, did I?
As for the guests…
Welcome to you all. Today, we on the top table are surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have travelled hundreds of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Keith and Carol, Gary and Sam, Hazel and I @ We welcome you all and thank you sincerely for your friendship and support over many years @ and for sharing this special day with us.
And now for the toast… to two very special people, Gary and Sammy.
