Speech by Geof Walker

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Geof Walker
Speech Date: 12/08/2013 12:16:51

Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who may not know me, I am Geof, Nicola's dad.  As father of the bride it is my honour to give the first speech.  I looked online and traditionally the father of the bride speech is supposed to last about 6 minutes.  Mine is only 3 minutes, so please don't applaud at the end as I will be reading it twice.

I would first like to welcome you and thank all of you for coming today and sharing in our celebration.  I would like to take a moment to remember all those who are not here today….because they weren't invited.  It is lovely to see Paul's parents, S and R, other members of Paul's family, his friends and all Nicola's friends and family.  I want to thank S and R and other family members who contributed towards the cost of this wedding.

Thanks to my wife L and daughter V for all the running around they have done, especially this last week.  My last thank you is for my daughter S for all the hard work she put in organising not only this day but also Nicola's hen do.  She has done a wonderful job in making this day so special and memorable for Nicola and Paul.

At this point I would like to formally welcome Paul into the W. family.  It feels like he has been a member of the family for some time.  He comes round for Sunday dinner every week and is certainly not a fussy eater.  He eats everything that is put in front of him.  We have lost three salt cellars so far this year.

I would like to say how much I enjoyed Paul's stag day.  First we played pitch and putt and since I have been playing golf for around 30 years I was feeling pretty confident.  Little did I know that Paul had invited a right dodgy bunch of mates and somehow I just managed to finish up joint winner with G, his best man, who claimed he had never played golf before in his life.  Yeah right.

Then in the evening we went to a roller disco.  I used to be a good skater when I was a boy but that was several decades ago.  I thought I could still show these youngsters how to do it, you know, break a hip.  As it happened, I was not the one to break something.  (Groom fell and broke his thumb). Alright Paul.  (thumbs up).

I see my friend Steve is here.  Steve has got a lovely large family, which is nice to see in this day and age of 2.4 children.  Steve missed out the decimal point and is going for 24 children.  He is almost halfway there.  He named his children after the places they were conceived, which is pretty romantic.  There is a Hilton Smith, Butlin Smith and young Travel Lodge Smith.  My hat goes off to his wife Alison for coping with all those children.  I bet you could do with a lie down.  What am I saying, cancel that, don't lie down or we could end up with a Holiday Inn Smith.

Wedding are all about family.  We have met Paul's mum and dad a couple of times and other members of his family.  They all seem great and Paul was obviosly brought up the right way.  When he asked for Nicola's hand in marriage he did it the old-fashioned way and went down on one knee.  I said, ‘Don't be silly Paul, get up, of course you can marry her’.  My wife is more direct and she said, ‘If you ever hurt her, I'll stab you’.  That's her sort of welcoming speech.  She wasn't picking on you, she's said that to every boy who's ever come into our house.

As for my own family, how lucky am I.  I've got a gorgeous wife and three lovely girls, all of whom I love to bits.  Nicola was cute baby but boy, she could wee for England.  She would come into our bedroom first thing in the morning with a huge inflated nappy hanging round her knees.  How it could hold so much liquid I don't know.  If they'd had some of those nappies on the Titanic it never would have sunk….and Leonardo Di Caprio would still be here today.

I can still picture her now, taking all her clothes off and running round the garden, weeing on my wife's foot while on holiday and wearing her swimmers and goggles when she went out to play in the street.  You know, a typical teenager.

Nicola was always good with money.  When she was little and close to the ground she was always finding money on the floor.  Even today, for her ‘something borrowed’ she asked for 300 pounds.

Nicola and I have always had a special relationship.  We share the same stupid sense of humour.  We used to play football in the garden and she found it much more fun to kick me in the shins rather than kick the ball.  And I let her because I just loved to see her laugh.

I have always been proud of all my girls but today is Nicola's day and I want to say how lovely she looks and that it was one of my proudest moments walking her down the aisle to be married today.

Nicola has turned out to be everything a father could wish for.  She is funny, caring, hard work….sorry that should be hard working, she has a lovely personality and is just beautiful.

Oh dear, I can see my wife is filling up….with vodka and coke.

Now we come to Paul.  I have several pages about Paul's qualities and achievements and what a great guy he is….but unfortunately I can't read your handwriting Paul, so I'll have to leave it to the best man to embarrass you.

Finally I would like to give you both some fatherly advice.

Paul, if you haven't already done it you need to let Nicola know who is the boss.  So when you get home just look her in the eyes and say ‘Honey, you're the boss’.

When you communicate with each other, make sure you make it clear what you mean.  Some time ago I told my wife that I liked black underwear and ever since then she's stopped washing my boxer shorts.

Work as a team.  Remember there is no I in team, unless you went to Millbrook school like my wife did.

Always keep your house clean and tidy.  There is nothing worse than for the man of the house to go to have a wee in the kitchen sink and finding it all clogged up with tea leaves.

Sometime in the future we look forward to hearing the patter of tiny feet in your house.  This does not mean you should go out and buy a pug.

No seriously, if you are considerate towards each other, have a laugh, plenty of hugs, love and care for each other, you two will be fine.

So please join me in a toast to the bride and groom, a long and happy marriage, Nicola and Paul.