Speech by Gerry Sanger

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Gerry Sanger
Speech Date: sep 2003
IS THE BIG LIGHT ON……….??? RIGHT….…
As father of the Bride I have the honour, privilege and advantage of making the first speech at this auspicious occasion.
That is I get to use all the quotes, anecdotes, funny stories and jokes that both Mark and Lee, have like me, extracted from friends, relatives and off the internet.
AND
If you see either of them suddenly turn white and start franticly scribbling away you will realise that we have duplicated some part of our speeches.
RIGHT Firstly:

The Reverend Stephen Evans, Distinguished Guests, Those of a lesser Distinction
and those of no distinction at all.
Family, Relatives, New and Old.
In-laws.
Outlaws, Friends and Friends of Friends,
Freeloaders, Gatecrashes and Hangers On AND the Founder members of The Big Slipper Club.

WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO SARAH AND LEE'S WEDDING RECEPTION.
AND THANK-YOU FOR ATTENDING.

Winston Churchill was once asked to address a Prep School Assembly on a character building topic

The famous man got up and said,
“ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Then he sat down again.
Well you are not going to get away quite that easily, but I will try to be brief.

Today, we on the Top table, are surrounded by our friends and families, that have all been very important to us during most, if not all of our lives.

Some have travelled many miles just to be here with us today and some we have not seen for many, many years.
Some dear relatives are not with us on this happy occasion, but are thought of at this special time and are here in spirit and in our hearts.

I think particularly of Lee's Grand-dad, who passed away earlier this year and of Sarah's Grandma; who because of failing health could only attended the church service.

Please raise your glasses to keep their memory and their love alive at the special time.

They are remembered both in our memories and in their lasting spirits.

Dear and absent Relatives.

NOW:

Clearly large family events like today do not JUST HAPPEN. They take a considerable amount of hard work and organisation and it would seem an appropriate point, therefore, for me to ask you all to join me in a toast to:

THE PRESENT MRS SANGER
(That should keep her on her toes)

As without her constant hard work and diligence today would not be the success it has been.

SYLVIA.
THANK-YOU.

AND
For all the help and assistance in the preparation of the Church, the Flowers, the Tables, the dresses, the suits and everything relating to the success of the Day. The trumpeter and the Singist.…
Thank-you.

A big thank-you to Lee's mother, Mary
And to all friends and relatives who gave their time and effort.

To the beautiful Bridesmaids and as some would say equally beautiful BUT not every-bodies taste the Best man and Groomsmen.
And to every-one who helped in the preparations.
Thank-you.
To the Big Slipper Club, I hope the wine was to your liking.
We tried for boxes, but they only do bottles.

To the vicar, the REVERENT Stephen Evans,
who we got locally

and

LOCAL IS BEST.

HE ACTUALLY CAME WITH THE CHURCH rather than through “ RENT A VICAR . COM”

WHICH IS A VERY WEB DUBIUS WEB SITE AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED. GIRLS IN HABITS, ORGAN PIPES AND ALL SORTS OF THINGS…….…

ANYWAY………
WE THANK-YOU.

AND ALL WHO TOOK PART IN A WONDERFUL SERVICE.

Thank-you All

Lee and I have also done our bit:
BUT with any luck that will have gone completely unnoticed.

Every Wedding has to have a HICCUP and WE have tried to SUP ENOUGH STUFF THROUGH OUT THE PREPARATIONS TO ACHIEVE THE RIGHT SORT OF HICCUP.

HOW'S YOUR BODY HAIR LEE????

NOW………

……….At this point in the proceedings, it is traditional to bring up an embarrassing moment from the brides past or to highlight a strange character trait, but as Sarah has more on me than I have on her, AND in the interest of self preservation, I'm just going to skip that……….BUT………………………IN SARAH

I remember a self determination that would have brought together nations or forged continents in a young and sometimes vocal toddler. A tendency to set upon a course of action, that once started would not be deflected by either parental guidance or chastisement.

A very loveable child who learned from an early age to escape the high sided cot by standing on top of a large teddy bear and throwing herself up and over the top rail and dragging the teddy out with her……..to be of assistance later for the return manoeuvre or further obstacles on the stairs.

It's like I always taught BOTH MY GIRLS and it has kept them in very.… very good stead:

“ BE PREPARED AND KEEP YOUR HAND ON YOU HALF-PENNIES”

AND NO MATTER WHAT………… DON'T DO SERIOUS!!!!!!

There was another maxim that Sarah picked up, I am not sure where from,
HER MOTHER I THINK.
It was about:
When getting into difficulties with boys in the play-ground, self defence
and
KICKING THEM IN THE GOOLIES, but we will not go into that……

I just hope LEE NEVER GETS ON THE WRONG SIDE of EITHER SARAH,
MRS NIGGLE
or
HER SELF DEFENCE TACTICS.

AND

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE HIM SOME ADVICE:

“ BE PREPARED,
(BUY A BATTER'S BOX)
AND KEEP……YOUR HAND…….ON YOUR COINAGE”

OR IT COULD GET VERY SERIOUS……INDEED.

NOW Lee
I thought today would be a re-run of your favourite OLD FILM… ………SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS.

I DID AT THIS POINT THREATEN TO GO INTO SONG OR DO AN INDIAN RAIN CHANT,
BUT I COULD NOT FIND 6 OTHER PEOPLE DAFT ENOUGH TO DRESS UP.
HAVING SAID THAT ….IN THIS GEAR STICK ON A PAIR OF 6 GUNS AND A STETSON AND YOU ARE FULLY IN CHARACTER.

For those of you that don't know the story I will give you a short summary:

Amid much singing, hooting and howling, thigh slapping and prancing about and general wild west shenanigans; it is a poignant tale of true love.
With Adam the eldest of seven brothers coming down from the mountains to court and marry MILLY before taking her back to the family cabin to care for his extended family.

When the other brothers see the benefits of a having a woman around to wash and clean, they device a GRAND plan to kidnap a shed load of females and get snowed up for the winter. Now there's a thought….…

I don't know if it is the HOOTING AND HOWLING or the dressing up in leather chaps and big hats that Lee really likes, BUT the original excuses he gave for having to STAY OVER at Freckleton was

BECAUSE THE PASS WAS BLOCKED WITH SNOW.

Somehow it did just did not hold true.
As it was the middle of SUMMER and where we come from a pass was something you get stamped on the back of your hand, if wanted to go for a fag at the Disco. (but that is showing my age).

Any how

With the PASS blocked with snow, Sylvia and I put Lee up in the barn and stayed up all night with the scattergun, sitting in the rocking chair on the porch…..The kidnap raid never arrived.
AND
SADLY FOR LEE WE DON'T HAVE A BARN EITHER.

I also recall the night Lee was instructed by Sarah, with my priming, to ask me for her hand in marriage.
The women folk,
see we are back to Seven Brides again,
had gone into the kitchen to prepare vitals and Lee sat there nervously playing with his lap-top working his way around every subject except marriage.

After half an hour and much prompting from the kitchen the deal was done.
With out Lee once mentioning anything about hands, wedding or Sarah.

BUT he did agree to copy me a number of CD's from TINANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fair trade really, as in true western style it could have cost me upteen beaver skins, an ELK and enough chewing tobacco to fill a 2 gallon spittoon

I did try TWO FOR ONE to include AMY,
BUT BLOND FUR SKINS DON'T COME CHEAP.

AND

THANK GOD.
( SORRY VICAR )
THAT A FUR COAT IS ONE FASHION ACCESSARY AMY AND SARAH HAVE NOT TAKEN A FANCY TO.

REMEMBER…..…
BOTH OF YOU.
AND FOR LEE'S SAKE TOO.…
FUR IS OUT !!!!

UTILITY CLOTHING IS GOOD.

BALDING EAGLE HAS SPOKEN.
SORRY GRAHAM.

Well finally I would like to return to the words of Winston Churchill and offer both of you some advice:
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP ……..ON LOVING EACH OTHER

AND ON WORKING TOGETHER TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST AND BECOME EVERYTHING THAT YOU BOTH WANT AND DESERVE.

AND
In concluding

I would like to give these words of wisdom:

NEVER GO TO BED ON AN ARGUMENT………..…
STAY UP ALL NIGHT IF NECESSARY AND FIGHT…..…

LIFE LIKE YOUR ARMS IS ALWAYS TOO SHORT.

IT NOW GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE AND IT ALWAYS HAS, BUT THAT MAY BE THE TABLETS I'M TAKING AND MY AGE.

I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST TO THE HAPPY COUPLE

WITH AN EXTRACT FROM THIS NORTH AMERICIAN WEDDING PRAYER:

NOW YOU WILL FEEL NO RAIN, FOR EACH OF YOU WILL BE SHELTER FOR THE OTHER.

NOW YOU WILL FEEL NO COLD, FOR EACH OF YOU WILL BE WARMTH TO THE OTHER.

NOW THERE WILL BE NO LONELINESS, FOR EACH OF YOU WILL BE COMPANION TO THE OTHER.

NOW YOU ARE TWO PERSONS, BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE LIFE BEFORE YOU.

MAY BEAUTY SURROUND YOU BOTH IN THE JOURNEY AHEAD

AND THROUGH ALL THE YEARS MAY HAPPINESS BE YOUR COMPANION
AND YOUR DAYS TOGETHER BE GOOD AND LONG UPON THE EARTH.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE UPSTANDING AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES TO SARAH AND LEE.
THE BRIDE AND GROOM.
THANK-YOU.