Speech by Graham Harland

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Graham Harland
Speech Date: SEP 2004
Wedding Speech Kelly & Stephen 6th December 2003

This is the forth time in the last hour I have stood up from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand!
I will apologise for those from further a field if the accent is difficult for you but translators throughout the audience will help I am sure and the speech will be posted at the rear of the room later with copies on the internet tomorrow!!
The light isn't reflecting off the shinny bits is it, now I have covered all the bits I think I can be heckled for I will begin.
I would like to welcome John & Anne who are Stephens parents all relatives and friends of both families (when I wrote this and checked it I had typed fiends looking around I could have been right the first time), to this very happy occasion. There are several people who I and others wish could have been here but hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar and above.
I would like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids for looking after Kelly, the vicar for the lovely service, his boss for improvement in the weather cheers, Stephen for having us dress for the conditions!! and the staff at the Spartan Hotel for great food and service.
These large family events like today don't just happen, they take a considerable amount of work organisation and sleepless nights, it would be an appropriate point therefore to ask you in joining in a toast to Kelly for all of the above and a great deal more I am sure, for making today a resounding and hopefully a continued success.
On the way to the church I sat in the back of the car when a mixture of pride and fear swept over me, at this point I went into a trance like state thinking of all the things that could go wrong and stared out of the window, looking at the centre of the road seeing the white lines and the occasional cats eye, I then thought how they had been invented, which was for those that don't know is reputed to have been during the black out when a cars lights reflected in a “moggies” eyes giving the inventor that great idea, I wonder if the cat had been facing the other way he would have invented the pencil sharpener!
This day has come sooner than I was expecting, that is not to say Kelly has rushed into this! It's just that you have a brand new daughter and the next thing you know she is a young woman starting her own life.
I was proud man today giving away my beautiful daughter, she is a lovely woman and deserves a good husband, and Stephen you're lucky she's married you before she found one! I saw Stephen earlier at the church studying the Marriage Licence it looked as if he was trying to find a loophole!
I feel extremely lucky and humble in being able to say I have three great children and two special grand children and to have them all here together gives me a sense of pride. I called in on Kelly and Stephen on Wednesday to see Lauren as she had just had her plasters removed; it was probably the best wedding present they have received. These are special occasions meant to be savoured and treasured, it marks a milestone in my life of which I will never forget.
Kelly some time ago told me that after many years of seeing Stephen as a friend their relationship had evolved and they were now seeing each other as a couple, the thought of seeing me of a prospective father in law filled Stephen with some trepidation as he saw me as Kelly put it “intimidating” the bald head and my chosen profession being the cause, after making me wear this Kilt Stephen be very afraid!!

I must mention the “Kilts” and Stephens choice to wear them, those that know him are aware that John Stephen's dad and Stephen enjoy outdoor pursuits, Stephen spends many a happy hour looking a crampons, pitons and Gore-Tex jackets to protect himself from the elements, So why I have to ask does he choose to wear this apparel that give the said elements free access to my nether regions. This brings me on to my next topic, when I was trying these on the man in the shop the little man gave me a leaflet to help when I was getting dressed, I noticed that the Tartan was described as an unnamed clan, so we need a name for this clan!! after a great deal of thought and deliberation what “aboot” breaking into jock for a moment to get into the spirit of the occasion “Mc Freezemenuts” or “Mc Windaroundme” I better stop there! any suggestions from out their answers on a post card please to?
I had the task this morning of delivering the flowers to John's house, Stephen arrived as I was leaving and we were discussing the flowers and to where they were being delivered to, this was the point when he delivered the statement of the day quote “I don't want to wear a flower I will look stupid!!” unquote not many things leave me speechless but he succeeded their.
The occasion of a wedding presents itself as a great temptation to pass on some advice to the happy couple, and I cannot resist temptation.
There are many things that go into making a marriage happy: Love, fidelity, trust, someone who will listen, persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, tenacity and stamina (not long Stephen), forgiveness or failing that a defective memory. It also helps if the husband is always prepared to take the blame.
Kelly never goes to bed in the middle of and argument, stay up and fight, but be diplomatic and magnanimous when you let him have your own way.
Stephen consider the words of Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved, not understood” Now that you are married Kelly will always have the last word in any argument, any word that you come out with afterwards is by default and the start of a new argument.
The honey moon traditionally comes after the wedding for Kelly and Stephen this is a night in a hotel which is a gift from Linda and Chris, and I know they are very grateful, that reminds me of the story of couple who went to a lonely part of Scotland by a Loch in a log cabin, it was owned by an elderly gentleman who after settling them in did not see them for a few days. Being the concerned proprietor and afraid that they may be in distress he knocked at the door and asked if they were all right. A weak voice came from within saying they were fine and living on the fruits of love, at which point the elderly Gentleman replied that's Ok but can you stop throwing the skins out of the window their chocking the ducks!!
It's the best mans privilege to spill the beans on the groom and I am sure Stu is waiting with baited breath or is he just trying to catch his breath, they say being a best man is like being asked to sleep with the queen a great honour but no body wants to do it.

Before I pass you back to Stu I would like to say Kelly and Stephen
May you live as long as you like, and have all you need for as long as you live,
May the road you choose be smooth, and your burdens light,
May your joys be everlasting, and may all your pain . . . be champagne.

Ladies and Gentlemen can we please be upstanding and toast,

Kelly & Stephen