Speech by Huw Westcott

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Huw Westcott
Speech Date: Aug2006
BEFORE I START , COULD I TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY , AS THERE ARE SO MANY HERE
IT WOULD BE SUCH A PITY TO WASTE SUCH A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE
WOULD ANYONE BE INTERESTED IN BUYING A MOUNTAIN BIKE ?
IF SO – PLEASE SEE ME LATER.

I WAS GOING TO START WITH , LADIES &amp GENTLEMEN
BUT LOOKING AROUND – I'M GLAD I DIDN'T

DISTINGUISHED GUESTS – THOSE OF LESSER DISTINCTION
AND THOSE OF NO DISTINCTION AT ALL
FAMILY , RELATIVES , NEW &amp OLD
IN-LAWS , OUT-LAWS
FRIENDS , FRIENDS OF FRIENDS ,
FREELOADERS &amp HANGERS – ON
I THINK THAT COVERS EVERY-ONE

GAYNA &amp I , WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE TODAY ,
ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU – WHO KNEW THAT I WOULD BE SAYING
A FEW WORDS , IT'S VERY TOUCHING THAT YOU STILL DECIDED TO COME.

THANK-YOU FOR YOUR PRESENCE , FOR ACTING AS WITNESSES ,
AND FOR ASSISTING IN CELEBRATING THIS SPECIAL OCCASION

YOU ARE ALL – TO BE CONGRATULATED
YOU HAVE SCRUBBED UP REALLY WELL.

THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU , WHO HAVE TRAVELLED
A LONG WAY – TO BE WITH US TODAY
IT'S SURPRISING WHAT SOME PEOPLE WILL DO – FOR A FREE MEAL

I ALSO WANT TO THANK ANDY'S PARENTS – ADRIAN &amp BETHRYN
FOR ALL THEIR HELP IN THE ORGANISING OF TODAY
THANK YOU VERY MUCH

WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS WEDDING FOR OVER 2 YEARS NOW
AND THE BAD NEWS FOR YOU – IS YES – I ” VE HAD OVER 2 YEARS
TO PREPARE THIS SPEECH.
I THOUGHT THAT I – JUST AS WELL DO A LONG SPEECH – WELL
WE ARE HERE UNTIL AFTER MIDNIGHT , SO WE NEED TO PASS THE TIME SOMEHOW.

WEDDINGS ARE A MARVELLOUS EXCUSE FOR A BIG PARTY
AND TODAY IS NO EXCEPTION
WE HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE , PARENTS ,GRANDPARENTS , AUNTS
UNCLES , COUSINS , FRIENDS ,
AND A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE I RECOGNISE ,

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING.
I WILL TRY NOT TO SPEAK FOR OVER 30 MINUTES – AS I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY THROAT
I'VE BEEN WARNED BY GAYNA – IF IT GOES OVER THAT – THEN SHE WILL CUT IT.
BUT WHEN IS THE LAST TIME I LISTENED TO HER. ?

ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS , IS THAT YOU CAN STAY HERE ALL DAY
RELAX AND ENJOY IT , NOT HAVING TO RUSH SOMEWHERE ELSE
WHICH YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO IF YOU GOT MARRIED IN A CHURCH
ALSO – YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH HYMNS TO SING
AS PART OF A CHURCH SERVICE
NORMALLY &quot LOVE DEVINE – ALL LOVES EXCELLING &quot
OR WHAT WE HAD IN OUR WEDDING
&quot FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT – WITH ALL THY MIGHT &quot
SO AS WE ARE HERE ALL DAY CHILL OUT RELAX &amp ENJOY

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THE MEAL
I THOUGHT IT WAS EXCELLENT
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE FOLLOWING FOR THEIR HELP
IN ARRANGING TODAY'S FESTIVITIES

DE COURCEY'S FOR THE VENUE – THE FOOD &amp DRINK
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
THE LADY WHO MADE THE WEDDING CAKE
AND THE WEDDING CARS

THE STATIONER FOR THE INVITATIONS &amp FAVOURS
THE REGISTRAR
THE MENS SUIT HIRE COMPANY
AND THE FLORIST

THE BEAUTY AND HAIR STYLISTS
THE STRING QUARTET
THE JOHN LEWIS STORE
AND THE BUS HIRE COMPANY

THE JEWELLERS
THE COPTHORNE HOTEL
AND THE TRAVEL AGENTS FOR THE HONEYMOON

&quot STAGE – FLIGHT &quot WHO WILL BE PROVIDING THE EVENING ENTERTAINMENT
THE DRESSMAKER &amp THE CANDLESTICK MAKER

AND THE ENDLESS No. OF SHOPS WE ENTERED – IN THE SEARCH
FOR A – MOTHER OF THE BRIDE OUTFIT
FROM BRISTOL TO SWANSEA – AND EVERY PLACE IN – BETWEEN
IT'S BEEN AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE DEALING WITH THEM ALL.

TODAY HAS BEEN A LONG TIME ARRIVING – BUT WE MADE IT.

WELL – 1980 – WHAT A YEAR
MARGARET THATCHER WAS PRIME MINISTER
RONALD REAGAN WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE US
JOHN LENNON DIED
THE OLYMPIC GAMES WERE IN MOSCOW
KRAMER V KRAMER WON BEST PICTURE AT THE OSCARS
AND BJORN BORG WON WIMBLEDON – AGAIN
AND YES 1980 WAS THE YEAR THAT KAREN BRIGHTENED OUR LIVES
WITH HER PRESENCE
WHAT A TERRIFIC DAY , 5 WIMBLEDON TITLES IN A ROW.

WHEN I WAS PREPARING THIS SPEECH I DECIDED TO GET
OUT SOME OLD PHOTOGRAPH ALBUMS TO REMIND ME OF KAREN'S
YOUNGER DAYS , AND ONE PHOTO MADE ME SMILE
MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER LYING ON A RUG , DRIBBLING AND POINTING
AT THE LENS , SHE DID ENJOY HER 21st. BIRTHDAY

IT DOESN'T SEEM LONG AGO
THAT KAREN WAS RUNNING AROUND THE GARDEN
WITH NO KNICKERS ON – EATING MUD
I'M GLAD TO SAY – THAT SHE'S – STOPPED EATING MUD

KAREN WAS THE KIND OF CHILD ANY FATHER WOULD BE PROUD OF
SHE ALWAYS OBEYED HER PARENTS , WAS RESPECTFUL TO SENIORS
AND WELL LIKED BY ALL THOSE WHO MET HER
SHE EXCELLED AT SCHOOL , WAS EXTREMELY DILIGENT
PASSED ALL HER EXAMS WITH FLYING COLOURS
GCSE &amp A LEVELS WITH THE HIGHEST GRADES
ACHIEVED A FIRST CLASS HONOURS DEGREE AND
QUALIFIED AS A VET
GAYNA ARE YOU SURE SHE'S MINE ?

IT WAS OBVIOUS FROM AN EARLY AGE THAT KAREN WOULD
QUALIFY EITHER AS A DOCTOR , OR A VET
YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND HER HANDWRITING
WHICH OF COURSE – IS ONE OF THE QUALIFICATIONS

WE HAVE KNOWN ANDY – FOR ABOUT 7 YEARS NOW
JUST BEFORE KAREN WENT TO BRISTOL UNIVERSITY
THOSE 6 YEARS OF STUDY WERE VERY DIFFICULT
FOR , KAREN , ME &amp GAYNA BUT ALSO FOR ANDY
WE SAID MANY TIMES DURING THAT PERIOD
THAT IF IT WASN'T FOR ANDY'S SUPPORT
KAREN MAY NOT BE A VET TODAY
AND IF THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS LASTED THROUGH THAT TIME
THE FUTURE MUST BE PLAIN SAILING

WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER GETS MARRIED AND LEAVES HOME
THEY SAY , TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER
THINK OF IT AS &quot NOT LOSING A DAUGHTER – BUT GAINING A SON &quot
IT HAS FELT THAT ANDY HAS BEEN PART OF THE FAMILY
FOR QUITE A LONG TIME ALREADY
HE NORMALLY MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME IN OUR HOUSE
AND PINCHES THE SETTEE AND REMOTE CONTROL
WITHIN 10 MINUTES OF ARRIVING

IN THE RUN UP TO TODAY , KAREN &amp ANDY HAD A BIT OF AN ISSUE
WITH THE SEATING PLAN , BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T DECIDE
WHO TO PUT WHERE. SO AS FATHER OF THE BRIDE , I OFFERED TO STEP IN AND HELP
WORK SOMETHING OUT . WHAT WE FINALLY DECIDED WAS , TO USE THE WEDDING PRESENT
LIST , AND PUT THOSE WHO GAVE THE BIGGEST NEAREST THE FRONT , AND WORK
IT BACK FROM THERE , SO IF YOU CAN HEAR ME AT THE BACK
THANKS DENISE FOR THE OVEN GLOVE.

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT KAREN IS LOOKING STUNNING TODAY
AND SO – ARE THE BRIDESMAIDS
IT'S NICE TO SEE WHAT THE DRESSES LOOK LIKE – NOW THEY'VE BEEN COMPLETED

ANDY IS EXCELLENT AROUND THE HOUSE
HE DOES THE CLEANING , HOOVERING
IRONING , WASHING AND EVEN
COOKS FOOD IN TIME FOR KAREN COMING HOME FROM WORK
IN FACT IT'S PEOPLE LIKE HIM – THAT GIVES THE REST OF US MEN – A BAD NAME !

HOWEVER HE DOES HAVE HIS LIMITATIONS
DON'T ASK HIM TO CHANGE A FUSE
HANG A PICTURE ON THE WALL
OR PUT AN IKEA CABINET TOGETHER
IF YOU DO , YOU COULD HAVE A MAJOR DISASTER ON YOUR HANDS

KAREN'S EXCUSE – NOT TO DO MUCH HOUSEWORK
USED TO BE THAT SHE WAS TOO BUSY STUDYING
WELL NOW THAT SHE IS QUALIFIED
SHE SAYS THAT SHE WORKS LONG HOURS
SHE DID HOOVER ON MARCH 8th. APPARENTLY
AND COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW POWERFUL
THE NEW HOOVER WAS
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD USED IT
SINCE IT WAS BOUGHT IN NOVEMBER
AT LEAST THEY BOTH WORK WELL TOGETHER

KAREN ACTUALLY HOLDS A WORLD RECORD
THE FASTEST PERSON – TO MAKE A ROOM LOOK UNTIDY
1 MINUTE 27.4 SECONDS AFTER ARRIVING IT'S TRUE

THE RESPECTIVE HEN AND STAG DAYS WERE A BIG SUCCESS
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU – WHO PARTICIPATED
EVERYONE ENJOYED THE ENTERTAINMENT PROVIDED
THANKS TO ALISTAIR &amp LORRAINE FOR THEIR ORGANISING
THERE IS STILL SOME DISPUTE ABOUT THE WINNER OF THE MEN'S GOKARTING
APPARENTLY ANDY WAS GIVEN THE FASTEST KART
SO IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM – NOT TO HAVE WON
I'M SURE THERE WILL BE MORE SAID ABOUT THAT LATER

APPARENTLY , IT IS TRADITIONAL THAT I SHOULD GIVE ANDY SOME ADVICE ABOUT MARRIAGE
WHAT AM I – AN EXPERT ?
NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT GAYNA
HE'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT FOR HIMSELF

I ASKED ANDY , WHAT HE WAS MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO – IN MARRIAGE
HE REPLIED – A NEW TOASTER

KAREN HAS BEEN A WONDERFUL DAUGHTER TO GAYNA &amp MYSELF
AND TODAY SHE WILL BE PASSING INTO
ANDY'S KEEPING , WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK HER FOR ALL THE 23 YEARS
OF JOY SHE HAS GIVEN US – I KNOW SHE IS 25 , BUT WE DON'T COUNT THE
FIRST 2 YEARS , BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING JOYFUL ABOUT CHANGING HER NAPPIES.

I WOULD LIKE TO PUT THE RECORD STRAIGHT , AS I UNDERSTAND THERE WAS A BET
GOING ON , WHETHER I WOULD HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES
WHEN I WALKED KAREN IN HERE FOR THE CEREMONY TODAY
WELL I DID , BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS WORRYING WHAT
TO SAY TO MY BANK MANAGER ON MONDAY MORNING.

I'VE HEARD A FEW PEOPLE COMMENT – ON HOW TRIM I LOOK IN THIS SUIT
IT'S ACTUALLY THE RESULT OF A FITNESS REGIME , THAT'S SEEN ME DO
ABOUT 20 PUSH -UPS A DAY FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS
NONE OF WHICH HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL – I'VE JUST BEEN COLLAPSING
WITH THE COST , NERVES AND STRESS.

MY BANK RANG ME UP THIS WEEK
AND ASKED ME IF I'D LOST MY DEBIT CARD
BECAUSE IT HAD BEEN USED SO MUCH LATELY
IT TOOK ME 30 MINS. TO CONVINCE THEM – THAT IT WAS ME
THAT WAS ACTUALLY SPENDING ALL THAT MONEY

IN A RECENT SURVEY – TO ESTABLISH WHETHER MARRIED MEN LIVE LONGER
THAN BACHELORS , THE RESULT WAS
THAT THERE IS – ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE
IT JUST SEEMS LIKE LONGER

WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 84 YEARS NOW
IF YOU MULTIPLY EVERY NORMAL YEAR – BY 3 MARRIED ONES

SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT MARRIAGE IS A 50 / 50 PARTNERSHIP
IT WAS OBVIOUSLY SAID BY SOMEONE WHO KNEW NOTHING
ABOUT WOMEN – AND EVEN LESS ABOUT MATHEMATICS

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A ROAD , YES , THAT'S RIGHT A ROAD
IT CAN BE NICE AND SMOOTH
SOMETIMES THE SURFACE IS SLIPPERY
THE ARE SOMETIMES OBSTACLES IN THE WAY
WHEN YOU GO ROUND IN CIRCLES , YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP
NOW AND AGAIN , YOU TAKE THE WRONG TURN
YOU OFTEN GO ROUND THE BEND
CONDITIONS CAN BE BUMPY , AND YOU CAN'T SEE THROUGH THE MIST
BUT THINK , BEFORE YOU CROSS THE LINE
BE AWARE OF ALL THE SIGNS
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL – GIVE WAY

THE 5 POINT PLAN TO MAKING MARRIAGE WORK IS :
HAVING RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER
BE HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER
KEEP TALKING &amp LISTENING TO ONE ANOTHER
GIVE EACH OTHER SOME SPACE
AND TRUST ONE ANOTHER
I KNOW – BECAUSE I READ IT IN A BOOK

No. 3 IN THAT LIST WAS – KEEP TALKING AND LISTENING TO ONE ANOTHER
ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING – COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION IS VERY IMPORTANT

SOMETIMES HOWEVER THERE ARE COMMUNICATION – BREAKDOWNS
AND HELP IS NEEDED
SO I'VE GOT A LIST OF USEFUL CONTACT No's FOR ANDY
IF HE NEEDS THEM IN THE FUTURE :
FAMILY PLANNING ASSOCIATION 0800 222 123
MARRIAGE GUIDANCE SERVICE 0800 268 452
AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS – THE SAMARITANS 0800 456 999

19th. AUGUST WILL BE A SPECIAL DATE NOW FOR KAREN &amp ANDY
THE DATE OF THEIR MARRIAGE
A DAY THAT EVERYONE HERE IS ABLE TO CELEBRATE
AND REMEMBER FOR YEARS AHEAD

I WENT TO A WEDDING A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO
WHICH WAS ATTENDED BY A VICAR AND A CURATE
WHEN THE VICAR WAS OFFERED A DRINK FOR THE TOAST
HE REPLIED &quot I'LL HAVE A LARGE WHISKY PLEASE &quot
WHEN THE CURATE WAS ASKED WHAT HE WOULD LIKE
HE REPLIED &quot NO THANKS , I'D RATHER HAVE A SCARLET WOMAN , THAN
TASTE THE EVIL OF DRINK &quot
THE VICAR PROMPTLY PUT HIS DRINK BACK ON THE TRAY , AND SAID
&quot I DIDN'T KNOW -THERE WAS A CHOICE &quot

NOW I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY , SO IF THERE IS A VICAR OR A CURATE
PRESENT , I APOLOGISE ,
AND IF THERE IS A SCARLET WOMAN HERE , I'LL MEET YOU IN THE BAR IN 30 MINS.

I DON'T THINK IT'S MY THROAT THAT I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT
MY ANKLES ARE KILLING ME , FROM GAYNA KICKING ME
SO I'VE DECIDED TO CUT THE OTHER 45 MINS. OF THE SPEECH

KAREN HAS BEEN AN EXCELLENT DAUGHTER
AND IF SHE IS HALF – THE WIFE – TO ANDY
THAT HER MOTHER HAS BEEN TO ME – HE WILL BE VERY LUCKY
I MUST STOP NOW , SO THAT THE CELEBRATIONS CAN CONTINUE

SO IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO PROPOSE THE TOAST , OF LONG LIFE AND HAPPINESS
TO KAREN &amp ANDY

SO – IF YOU WOULD ALL JOIN ME

HERE'S TO THE PAST – FOR ALL YOU HAVE LEARNED
HERE'S TO THE PRESENT – FOR ALL THAT YOU SHARE
HERE'S TO THE FUTURE – FOR ALL THAT YOU LOOK FORWARD TO TOGETHER

SO LET'S PLEASE DRINK THE MOST IMPORTANT TOAST OF THE DAY

TO THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE OF THE DAY

TO THE BRIDE &amp GROOM