Speech by J Harris

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: J Harris
Speech Date: dec 2004
Sarah

What an emotional wedding! Even the cake is in tiers. The old ones are the best! Got that from t'internet!

Before I go any further, just look at my lovely wife. Scrubs up well, doesn't she? Isn't it amazing what you can do with a bucket of soapy water and fifteen quid? That was just for the face. The rest cost me another tenner. Super shop, Oxfam!!! If I wasn't married to her I could quite fancy her! And look at my little girls! Don't they look lovely! Round of applause for my little loves. Now look at the rest of you. From here, if It wasn't for the lovely ladies, it would look like an Alcatraz reunion. There's my brother sitting over there. Bob the builder. If you need a really good builder………..try Yellow Pages, I would. And there is my mother-in-law, who looks regal and magnificent………..it says here!

There are lots of sayings that people say at times like this. “I'm not losing a daughter but I'm gaining a son”. A variation is “I'm not losing a daughter but gaining a bathroom”. Well, in Sarah's case, I'm not losing a daughter but gaining a bankruptcy. I have watched weddings from other cultures where the guests pin money to the dress of the bride. I always thought that was a bit showy, ostentatious, over the top………until today.

When you marry, you marry for better or for worse. Sometimes things do get worse. My wife has just been lucky. They say that the first ten years are the worst. All I can say is, if that's true these are the longest ten years of my life! Now I don't want to give you the impression that Jean and I argue all the time. Nothing could be ffrther from the truth. After all, sometimes she sleeps!

I am a Nelsoner born and bred. I grew up on Smith Street. Not in a house, just on the street. Well, actually, we did have a house. Of a kind. Our house was the only one in the street to have a doormat on the outside………..you wiped your feet when you went OUT! Riff-raff, that's us, common as muck!

Jean & I got married in Sept 1975 while we were at college. In June 1977 we both qualified and moved back to Nelson, where we had bought a house (the only house that we could afford) 24 Crawford St. £3500. It looked a nice quiet area but it was actually a wild place of drunken brawls……….and that was only OUR house!!!!

Quite soon Jean found herself to be pregnant somehow or another. On September 14th 1978, Sarah Louise was born, at Burnley General Hospital, Edith Watson unit. She was blue when she was born and she did not breathe for about a minute. But when she did, she began to roar, and soon everyone on the ward got to know the sound of Baby Harris. She has not quietened down much since, as you are probably aware. Well, maybe Al hasn't yet noticed…………but he will!!!! I guarantee it!

Sarah went first to Reedley County Primary School and then to Walton High School. I remember her saying to us when she entered Year 11 that she was going to make us proud of her. I did not realise to what extent she would do so until the results came out. Eleven grade A GCSE passes, four of them A*. She went off to Blackburn College and then to Sheffield Uni, where of course she collected a First Class degree. Looking at her, it is obvious that she has inherited her brains from her mother and her beauty from her dad.

Upon leaving Sheffield, she decided upon teaching as a career, not fancying the idea of having to work for a living. She trained at Manchester Uni and then obtained employment at Coates Lane CP School, Barnoldswick. At about that time, a young man whom we knew from church arrived at our house. Now, I'd better be careful what I say about Al. Anyone who breaks his brother's nose while having fun is a force to be reckoned with!

At first it appeared to us that he was interested in our Laura. Al, if it is Laura that you are interested in, you aren't half going a funny way about staying close to her. All of a sudden, to everyone's amazement, Sarah and Al were an item, as they say. When I first met Al I thought he looked a bit dour. He didn't smile much. Then he took up with Sarah and I thought that he would have to have the silly grin surgically removed! A few weeks later they had it all sorted, they were getting married. I was a bit put out but I knew that Al was an electrician, a calling dear to my heart. Now, I want to take the time to pay tribute to Al for his organisational ability. Let me be the first to admit that I am not a manager. I could not organise the proverbial in the brewery. But Al, now there's a master in the art of organisation. So skilful is he that he fooled a great many people into thinking that he was doing absolutely nothing. I think about him as being like a swan, gliding along the water gracefully and apparently effortlessly, when below the surface it is paddling like fury. Al has this same deceiving ability. Above all, he is a superb delegater. As each problem regarding the wedding appeared, he weighed it up and said to himself: “Yes, there's one for Sarah”. Everything that has happened, is happening or will happen today is a tribute to Al and to his delegational ability. None of it would have happened if Al had not delegated it to Sarah and then sat on his managerial backside until she did it. There are not many people around with such talent. Truly, they remind me of my wife and I, and believe me there is no greater tribute that I could pay him.

I would not want to let this moment pass without warning him of the difficulties that inevitably lie ahead. First of all, he has married my daughter, and she is not perfect! After all, half of her genes come from her mother. Secondly, despite the advantage of having me as a father-in-law, it means that he is going to have Jean as a mother-in-law! Why should I have all the luck? Now Al, there are some things you need to know about women. First of all, in our family, if you kick one they all limp. The opinions and attitudes you share with Sarah will be passed on to her mother, then in turn to Donna, Laura, Emma, Lydia and Tara. Once they have heard, they all join forces against you. I know that you aren't good at resisting them. What about the shoes, then? WARRAWIMP!!!

Apparently, it is traditional for me to give Al some advice at this time. Advice about marriage……..how to be happy despite being married and so on. Should I give him advice? What am I, an expert? Nobody warned me about Jean. He can find out for himself.

That said, women do have their funny little ways, not like us men. A wife will buy her husband two ties, a red one and a blue one. Having to choose, he comes downstairs wearing the red one. She says to him: “What's the matter? Don't you like the blue one?”

The Hollywood actor Charlton Heston has amazed all in Hollywood by remaining married to one woman for sixty years. When his wife was interviewed on an American TV chat show, she was asked if she had ever considered divorce. She thought about it for a few seconds and then replied:

“Divorce, never. Murder, often!”

Serously, now. My wife and I are delighted to welcome Al to the family. Sarah has always filled us with pride, and I have never been prouder of her than I am right now. Al is exactly the sort of young man that we would have chosen for her. (Her mother had earmarked Al for Sarah more than two years ago). Join with Jean and I in wishing them God's richest blessings for their future life together.