Speech by Jack Steinberg

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Jack Steinberg
Speech Date: 13/04/2010 10:31:15

Chris and Maxine like to do things their way, so I have been asked to start the speeches before the meal.  I think the idea is you will be that drunk you will not notice the meal.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and anyone who might have sneaked in for a free meal; many of you don't know me, and as lucky as that might make you, I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the next few minutes.  So from me, Jack, Father of the Bride, and on behalf of Diane, my wife, I would like to welcome you all to Maxine & Chris’ wedding.  I would like to mention the family members not here today Grandfathers Cyril, Desmond, Arthur and Noel and Grandmothers Kathy and Elsie who left us too early.  

If my speech is not up to much, don't worry, it's deliberate.  I  see myself as the warm-up man for the rest of the speeches, and I don't want to make it too hard an act to follow.  After much research, I've discovered there are four sections to this speech:  To welcome everyone here on this fine occasion, to say a few words about the bride in a loving and balanced way,  to give some words of advice to the happy couple and to give the first toast to Maxine & Chris.  

With the welcome to all having been done, the first thing I must do, and I'm sure Alan will agree with this, is to give a big thank you to both Diane, Maxines’ mum & Tina, Chris’ mum, for all their hard work over many years, in bringing their offspring up into the caring people they are. I would also like to welcome Alan & Tina to our small family.  Also let me welcome Chris to our family.  I knew I'd like him the moment he fixed my computer, and didn't charge me.  

Now what can I say about Maxine that you don't know? Plenty…but that's probably best kept for another day. And didn't she look stunning earlier, while Chris, on the other hand, just looked stunned – but then again why wouldn't he?  Anyway about Maxine…
She was born at an early age at Whipps Cross Hospital.
(1st Slide)  In the womb.
 She was no problem as a baby, sweet and innocent.
(2nd Slide) Looking to the left.
But soon made up for it as she got older.  She kept asking questions that I couldn't answer.  About the Russian Revolution for example.  
As a child she was house-proud.
 (3rd Slide) With wooden spoon.
But things changed as she grew.
(4th Slide) Messy room.  
A word of warning to Chris, Maxine is not always at her best first thing in the morning.  
(5th Slide) King Kong.  
Depending on how she slept,
(6th Slide) Asleep.  

Maxine's birthday (if you don't already know is the 5th October) ((to Max)) extra presents, and I have some examples of other not so famous people born on the same date.  They are: Ray Kroc (McDonalds) , Bob Geldof,
Kate Winslet, Charlton Heston (An actor from the fifties & sixties) and Chester A Arthur (21st US President).  

You'd better keep on her good side as who knows where her future lies. Chris & Max have already set up a home, and Maxine has shown a flair for decorating, cooking, and gardening – a talent she managed to keep hidden when she lived with us.
During the time we've come to know Chris, we realise how much he means to Max.  He's smart, kind, thoughtful and generous and, according to Maxine, as tidy as a student.  We have also learnt that Chris is a man of vision, sometimes double, but had glasses when he found my daughter.

Earlier I warned Chris of some of Maxine's funny ways, which is a bit unfair towards Maxine, so to balance the books a little here's some help for you Maxine.  We know all young men like to show off their bodies.  (7th Slide) Chris as a baby.
Don't let Chris near a bike, I've heard he's a speed freak. (8th Slide) Chris on bike.  He's useful around the home.  (9th Slide) Handy Man.  Good at bribery when he's in the wrong.
(10th Slide) The Florist.  He's rough & tough.  (11th Slide) Action Man.  

Have a great honeymoon, which Chris, is the period between “I do” & “You'd better”.  Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses for Maxine & Chris.