Speech by John Lomax

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: John Lomax
Speech Date: May2007
Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me I'm John, Kirsty's Dad,
and for those of you who do know me, I am still John, Kirsty's Dad

Kirsty's Mum, Christine and I would like to welcome Mark's mum Barbara and all of you, Families and Friends to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Kirsty to Mark.

Making this speech, I feel a bit like a Sheikh walking into his harem for the first time. I know what I've got to do, I just don't know where to start.

We are so proud today, seeing Kirsty looking so beautiful.

She has always brightened up our lives by mainly leaving bathroom, kitchen and bedroom lights on. She has always been full of chat and plenty to say, the trouble was it was on my phone and at my expense.
I am only joking she is so very special to us.

Mark, we are delighted to welcome you into our family. I want you to know that Christine and I took to you instantly well as soon as we realised that you were taking Kirsty off our hands!.

We thank you both for giving us such wonderful grandchildren – Steven and Isabelle.

Now some nuggets of wisdom to help them settle into their new life together.

I have been trawling the internet to find some interesting things to say in this speech and no doubt you'll all go home saying &quotwhat a waste of time the internet is if that is the best he can come up with!&quot.

I will start by quoting that great diarist Samuel Pepys and this is aimed at all married couples, and the quote is Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools yes that is you Kirsty and you Mark! decoyed into our condition.

On this date in history, some great things have taken place, for instance

in 1911 – R.M.S. Titanic was launched.

At least there should be no icebergs in Barcelona!

in 1969 – John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded Give Peace a Chance, from their hotel bed.

Kirsty , I have heard you singing and you are nearly as awful as I am – so I don't want to hear of any weird noises that emanated your hotel room.

also,

the famous Persian philosopher Omar Khayy&#225m was born on this day in 1048,

Mark I think you will now start becoming a philosopher yourself – you will start wondering what you the bleep bleep bleep you have let yourself in for!

Here are some pieces of advice I have found

Firstly for both of you

I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.

Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen, look – Ogden Nash wrote this – not me! – I don't know who Copen Hagen is!

– to continue –

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna
and flotsam and jetsam, I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam,

Right, a couple of pieces of advice for Mark

There are only two times in a man's life when he can't understand a woman
before marriage and after marriage.

Also

The most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget once.

A Word to Kirsty

There is an old saying that I think you have now heeded –

When you meet someone who can cook and do housework – don't hesitate a minute – marry him.

To the two of you

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it
Whenever you're right, shut up.

To all married couple – but especially the two of you please don't stand yet

A toast to sweethearts – May all sweethearts become married couples, and may all married couples remain sweethearts.

It now gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to the happy couple. look at Kirsty and Mark

Here's to the past, for all that you have learned
Here's to the present, for all that you share
Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to together

Ladies and gentlemen,
please be upstanding and raise your glasses

to the bride and groom Kirsty and Mark