Speech by John Mellon

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: John Mellon
Speech Date: Oct2006
This is the fourth time in the last hour I have stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

Firstly on behave of Gemma and Ross, Jean and Ray and Agnes
and myself I would like to welcome all our family and friends
and thank you for joining us today

Gemma and Ross have worked extremely hard to make today a success and they should be applauded for the effort they put in. They have done everything themselves, from the handmade invitations to choosing the church and this great venue for the reception, how could anyone complain there's a golf course. And then the DJ later SO WELL DONE KIDS.

That's where their bit finishes and yours begin.

Remember you were asked to supply a couple of your favourite songs, well that's what the play list is made up of this evening, and I have seen it. I can tell you there are some very sad people amongst you. So be very afraid later

There might be murder on the dance floor

Now Gemma, doesn't she look beautiful, a picture, blooming in womanhood, not motherhood, well not yet anyhow, or is there something you want to tell me Ross.
I've got a long list of great things I could say about Gemma but I can't make out her handwriting.

Gemma is a daughter any parent would be very proud of, but she is our daughter and we love her dearly. She is one of those daughters that never seems to do anything wrong well not in my eyes, although her sisters and brother may have something to say about that.

Gemma is very much like her mother, when she is wrong she is not afraid to admit it or say sorry even if it's only after you've had to say sorry first.
She is a very loving daughter and sister and a dotting Aunt. to her niece and nephew

At the age of 7 Gemma went of to join her sisters at boarding, and oh boy did me and Agnes party. Well actually we didn't, we used to travel down to Devon to see them or bring them home sometimes doing over 600mls a weekend.

We were occasionally summoned to the sister superiors’ office to be told of some incident involving the girls but it was never Gemma..… Elaine or Toni but oh no never Gemma.

She seemed to have a good time at boarding school ending with very good results and also being not so bad on the piano, which even to this day if she's hand a couple of sherries well…..…

When she was young and even now she loves reading, it was the James Bond novels then. In those days she seemed to be into older men, as I mentioned Sean Connery as Bond and Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones films and Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap. She used to love them.

Then there was Red Dwarf, watching all episodes and reading all books. That's where the weird sense of humour comes from.

I don't know if her music taste has changed but it was Take That. You know what I mean T shirts, records you must all remember the days of vinyl, and also going to the concerts.
It was partly them that helped her choose Ross.… was it the way they danced.… no doubt you'll see later.

Then finally she would spend hours surfing…not the web but Teletext… Ceefax, you name it and she would find it. You know the type of thing, the weather in the most strangest of places, recipes for cooking frogs and jokes that were never funny. It would drive us crazy, and her other thing for some reason unknown to us she would have subtitles up all the time whilst watching TV. She never did explain that one to us.

Some of you may see Gemma well being a little quiet perhaps even reserved, but being the daughter of a former Paratrooper there had to be a thrill seeker side to her. And that came out several times when she was younger, for instance.

Many years ago when I was still in the Paras and Gemma was about 8 I took the family to AB Day. It's where they had a big parade, stands and displays everything to do with The Paras. They also had the Display Team tower there. Now this is a scaffold tower of about 75 feet in height. So you climb up a series of steeps steps to the top, there you strap on a harness. You are then lead to the edge and invited to jump off, which without any problems Gemma did, but then nothing bad happened she was floating down gracefully as one would expect, and as she was getting closer to the ground everyone could she as her dress had ballooned out there was a hole in her knickers. Well of course it amused everyone around except her.

And another occasion when Gemma was about 12 is the she went parascending.
I am sure you all know what that is. So she has this great parachute sprawled out behind her wearing the harness she is winched up to a height of about 1200 feet the cable is disconnected she then flew around the sky for about 10min slowly floating down, and no she wasn't wearing the same knickers. It's not what everyone would call fun but it certainly gave Gemma a buzz. Incidentally one of my other daughters refused to do it can you guess which one?

Gemma then went on to UNI and as all students did she partied for four years, you know Tupperware, Avon and Anne Summers During this time she worked at Dera in Farnborough for a year where she met Ross.

One final story I was in a film with Sean Connery…… oh didn't I mention that.… Well anyhow my boss and his wife know him very well and when I mentioned the film and Gemma's interest they got me a couple of photos personally signed from him. I gave them to her on her 18th birthday. Well Gemma's eyes lit up, the only other times I've seen them brighter was when her brother Thomas appeared on the scene and today when she was walking down the aisle on the arm of her own special agent Ross.

So now I turn to Ross, what can I say? Well thank you ladies and gentlemen for No I'm kidding.
I'm not going to say to much as it is Andy's job to tear him apart and maybe put him back together again… if he wants to that is.

Doesn't Ross look well, no I said that wrong. What I meant to say was Doesn't Ross look well polished. It must be that present Kieran gave you for Christmas last year.

So what do I know about Ross, well he has at least four loves his main one is Gemma well it better be.

Secondly playing football, when he visits he always has time to have a kick about with Thomas and any of his friends that are around. I think it's so he can show off his skills mind you 11yr olds are easily impressed.

He claims to be a football supporter but follows the Baggies, what's the connection it's like saying, I have a sporty Volvo.

Now Thomas having been converted to a Baggie fan has learnt
what pain and humiliation is, and at such a young age. I'm sure he will learn to live with it just like Ross's sister Abi.

On real football playstation Fifa 2006 the boys show Ross their skills. They think he's got the thumbs of a goalkeeper rather than a striker.

Then there's his cooking, it doesn't all end in ping.

He's never shy in making a meal for the family which is no mean feat, as there can be anything up 10/12 around the table. Let me tell you I never new you could cook faggots so many ways and the standard well is adequate….… no no I mean it.

And finally this may go for both of them, have you tried to ring them before midday at the weekend? You have no chance they certainly like a lie in, unless its match day.

They must have this little game they play of whose going to give in first and answer it, so it rings and rings and rings nothing. Then later on Gemma will phone and say why haven't you called today?

I am sure Jean Ray and Abi are very proud of Ross for he is a great bloke. Bloke where did that come from I'll be drinking bitter next. What I meant to say Ross is a great chap and we welcome him into our family as well as Jean and Ray do for Gemma.

People say it's not losing a daughter but gaining a son. I came from a family of 4 boys and our mother used to tease us by saying,
‘A sons a son til he takes a wife, but a daughters a daughter for all of her life’
I know that brings a tear to Jeans eye but why is Ray trying to conceal a grin?

Now both Ray and I have been married to our lovely ladies for over well we don't talk years more in life terms, and I make it over 2 terms apiece, and what we have learnt? Only that the female brain is very complex, and as Oscar Wilde said ‘Women are to be loved not understood’

If I may I offer a piece of advice for each of them.

For Gemma,
If you want something from Ross just ask for it Remember he's a man. Hints don't work.

And for Ross,
Treat marriage like your job you'll find it a lot more enjoyable if you get on with the boss.

So if you will all charge your glasses and join me in standing we will toast the happy couple.

If you want happiness for a few hours drink wine,
If you want happiness for a few years get yourself a puppy, but if you want happiness for your whole life find a good golf club.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I GIVE YOU

GEMMA AND ROSS