Speech by John Roberts

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: John Roberts
Speech Date: Jan2007
Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would like to welcome all our guests. To-day we are surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some of them have travelled thousands of kilometres, just to be here today. On behalf of Peter and Mary, Jack and Susan and Barb and I – we welcome you all and thank you most sincerely for sharing this special day with us.

I've tried to memorise this speech, which isn't easy when you have the memory retention of a geriatric goldfish, so please forgive me if I resort to my notes, probably every five seconds. I did ask for an Auto-cue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far….And neither does my eyesight.

Making the Father of the Bride speech, I feel a bit like a Sheik walking into his Harem for the first time. I know what to do, I just don't know where to start!

We are very proud today, to see Mary looking so radiant and married to Peter. During the time we have known him, we have come to realise how special he is to Mary, and anyone can see that they are soul mates. He is very likeable and easy going – although “Not a Fanatic and all” and we are delighted that she has chosen someone to be her husband, who hasn't got green hair and a nose ring, but someone whom we like so much and welcome as another son.

What we find gratifying, is that Peter's parents feel the same way about Mary. They have welcomed her into their family with much kindness.

Many things have happened and I feel particularly proud as I stand here and see an independent, attractive, elegant, stunning young woman, my daughter Mary celebrating her wedding day, who I think you'll agree takes after her mother. Perhaps, as parents, we did get a few things right after all.

Of course she inherits other traits from me..…

Her brilliant brain……

Her cooking..…

Her humour and sense of fun..…

Her allergy to housework!

But what she seems to have developed all on her own, is her artistic talent.

And above all, her lack of fear

– Setting off to the Caribbean across the Atlantic in a ten metre yacht with a single yachtsman, only to be stranded at St. Helena for a month or choose to continue and survive on one litre of water per day for the rest of the crossing to St. Martins.

– Another scary incident was when she was washed overboard on a dark and stormy night at one o'clock in the morning during a yacht race off Cape Point. It was only by chance that she was rescued from Davy Jones’ locker.

Ever since she was a little girl, Mary has always been a bubbly independent, go-getter. After a few weeks of starting nursery school, the teacher called us aside and said that of all her pupils Mary was the one most likely to become the first woman Prime Minister of Rhodesia. Unfortunately, Bob Mugabe took over and didn't give her a chance! And look where that has got Zim!

You have both travelled extensively and visited places that not many people have even heard of. I hope that your marriage will be a journey of discovery too.

We hope that you will both appreciate what you have gained by being married. Between Barb and I and Jack and Susan we have over 86 years of marriage experience and we hope that you will continue the tradition.

Marriage is like wine – it gets better with age.

Now it is time for you to settle down and let us enjoy a few more grandchildren.

As a man who has survived 43 years of marriage, I am supposed to offer a few words of warning / advice. I haven't worked it out myself, but I'll pass on a few tips that I have picked up along the way.

Marriage will teach you many things:

Loyalty

Self restraint

Obedience — together with a whole load of virtues that you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single.

Now that you're married, Mary will always have the last word in any argument. Remember as Oscar Wilde said “Women are meant to be loved and not understood”

There is no challenge in a marriage that can't be overcome by one or more of the following:

I was wrong

You were right!

Yes dear

I love you!

But remember Peter, a man is not complete until he is married.

Finally..… Never go to bed in the middle of an argument. Always kiss and make up before you go to sleep.

Mary, also remember that it takes a good wife to make a good husband.

Remember Peter, when you buy her flowers..… It PROVES you are guilty. But of course beware of the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers!

Little things to keep in mind are

Support one another through thick and thin

Don't forget to put the seat down after you.

I asked Peter recently what he was looking for in a marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually, a family.

I asked Mary the same question. She thought a while and then replied a “Perky Copulator”, I had to think about that, but I finally figured it out – she had meant to say “A Coffee Percolator”.

With that in mind, I have a present for you Peter. It's for Mary's belt.

I read somewhere that a man should try to marry a woman who has older brothers, because if she has grown up with men she will then know not to expect too much from her husband. In those terms, Mary qualifies, having two older brothers. She is also very lucky to have her sister Charmaine who is her confidant. Between Brian and Alistair, they have knocked off a lot of sharp edges, but make no mistake, Mary nearly always has the last word in an argument.

It is only right that we should toast the Bride and Groom, but we should also toast each one of you here.

You have come to help us celebrate this special occasion, of those we love, and who love each other.

By your presence you show friendship and love and bring even greater joy to us all.

May all sweethearts become married couples and may all married couples remain sweethearts

We wish you a long and happy marriage, and we hope you have a really great honeymoon, which, Peter, you will find is the period between “I Do” and “You'd better”

So.… Peter and Mary

It is now my pleasant duty to propose a toast to the new Mr. and Mrs. Gordon and wish you all the luck in the world and a long and happy life together.

Here's to the past, for all you have learned.

Here's to the present, for all that you share.

Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to…..TOGETHER.

Ladies and Gentlemen

Please be upstanding and raise your glasses to

THE BRIDE AND GROOM.