Speech by John Seggie

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: John Seggie
Speech Date: Sep2004
Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, on behalf of Susan & myself and Ryan's parents, Margaret & Mark, I'm pleased to welcome you all here today.
We thank you very much for being here and are delighted to share this day with so many dear friends and relations from both families, particularly those who have travelled a very long distance to be here. I'm sure that you will all leave with the everlasting memory of what a perfect couple Kirsty & Ryan made as they stood side by side making their vows.

Indeed, when Kirsty said those magic words I do I couldn't help thinking that it was one of the few times in her life that she's agreed to do something without question.

Now before I warm up I would like to dispense with a few formalities. I would first like to thank Monsignor Thomson for his beautiful service. Unfortunately he cannot be with us at this reception but has asked me to let you know that you can see more examples of his work on his website www.god.com.

Secondly, I would like to thank Bella for preparing and decorating what can only be described as a truly magnificent wedding cake, and for not allowing my wife, Susan to help her bake it.

Finally, I would like to thank the Hydro Hotel management and staff for the delicious food they prepared and for organising this reception in such an efficient and professional manner.

Now before I go any further I would like to apologize in advance for my bad behaviour, not that I've said or done anything wrong yet, but this apology should at least give me some scope……
As you all know I have the proud distinction of being Kirsty's father, although at times I have to say I've felt more like her financier and I have long looked forward to this important moment when I close my bank book, tuck away my credit cards, put the lid on the biscuit tin and hand over the management of Kirsty's spending habits to another man.
During the last few weeks I've come to realise that for the first time ever in my married life this occasion will give me the unique opportunity to get a word in edgeways after nearly thirty years of living in a house totally dominated by women.

I'm told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up and I'll try to stick to that advice.

It only seems like yesterday when I was watching Kirsty being born, and here I am now giving the father of the bride speech. It certainly makes you wonder where all the time has gone. Being Kirsty's Dad has been an absolute joy and she has brought me nothing but fun and happiness as I've have watched her grow through childhood, nursery, school, university, her professional career and now marriage to develop into this beautiful and radiant young woman you see before you today.

For those of you who don't know Kirsty, I can tell you that she is a daughter I am extremely proud of. She has many fine qualities and has been good enough to provide me with a list – but unfortunately I'll have to skip these as I can't quite make out her handwriting.

As a child she could be best described as a wee bisum. From an early age she was very inquisitive and when something of interest caught her eye she thought nothing of undoing her buggy straps and making a dash for freedom to investigate and we spent many a worrying time searching through crowds of people trying to find her. She is also very territorial and the sight of Paul being tossed head first out of her room was a regular event. Worse than that, I would have rather taken on Mike Tyson than attempt to intervene in her warfare with Lucy over who had been wearing each others’ clothes. Seriously though, Kirsty has been a very caring sister to Lucy and Paul and I'm sure that they will forgive her for these small past indiscretions.

Kirsty also values friendship very highly and is fiercely loyal and protective to all her friends. During her rebellious teenage years she was always out and about, never where she told us she would be, she totally ignored curfews and went clubbing with her pals long before she ever got our consent. As a result of this she has become very streetwise and doesn't tolerate fools gladly. Although she is not in the least demanding she nevertheless knows what she wants, she is a meticulous planner who sets herself very exacting standards and works hard to achieve her goals. She never allowed her hectic social life to interfere with her studies and she made both of us very proud when she graduated with honours at Strathclyde University. This was almost immediately followed by her starting her professional career as an electrical & computing engineer with a large multi-national company on the east coast.
Now by this time all the individual parts of Kirsty's master plan had clicked smoothly into place and everything seemed to be going swimmingly with the exception of one vital component – and I'll let you hazard a guess as to what that was. Then came that fateful day in July 2001 when she was partaking a few aperitifs with her friends in the infamous Caly Bar in Tenerife where she caught a glimpse of an innocent and unsuspecting lad who was wearing her home country's national dress – a Scotland football shirt. Remembering the tricks she fine tuned as a toddler she broke free from her friends and made a dash to investigate.
Now little did Ryan know but he had been snared, the tigress had pounced and the hunt was over. The news filtered back – Mum I've met a boy. This was immediately recognised by Susan as being a statement of some significance. After her holiday she continued to see Ryan. More news filtered back – Dad, He lives in Kirkcaldy and loves football. By this time even I had started to notice subtle changes in her demeanour. Her room had been transformed from a bombsight into a haven of peace & tranquillity. She started to take a keen interest in cooking and, most astonishingly of all, told me that she liked football and knew the offside rule. Even more news filtered back – Dad, Ryan supports East Fife and is a fully paid up member of the Tartan Army.

Well, we were mystified. How was it possible for any boy to trigger these amazing changes in Kirsty? How could he possibly fulfil her exacting standards? Who was this mysterious young man from the east where men are men and sheep are scared? How could he love football yet torture himself by following East Fife and Scotland? We waited with bated breath to meet the poor soul.

When we eventually met Ryan we were immediately impressed. Kirsty's Nana, Nancy, was so taken by him that she asked if he had any older brothers still living at home. All the tell-tale signs were there and it was obvious to everyone that that this was the real McCoy. In the time that has followed I have got to know Ryan so well that in many ways he has been like a son to me; insolent, ungrateful and disrespectful. Seriously though, Ryan has many fine qualities, he is honest, forthright, unlike Kirsty – usually sober and above all, with today in mind, very courageous. Susan and I are very fond of Ryan and have come to realise how special he is to Kirsty and we are absolutely delighted to welcome him into our family. I'm sure that you will agree that Kirsty & Ryan are well matched and I know they will continue to make each other very happy in the years ahead.

Now come the words of advice. First of all, to both of you:
Remember that there is no secret to a happy marriage. You'll have to work at it like the rest of us and confront your ups and downs head on. Now I've no doubt that you will do this with flying colours as over the last two years I have watched you both work as a team through redundancies, new jobs, arranging the building of your new house and the most traumatic event of all – organising a wedding.

Be tolerant to each other – As Confucius said – Man who sinks into woman's arms. Soon has his arms in woman's sink. Now I think that this is meant to demonstrate the subtle differences between the sexes. Remember also that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Now I've thought long and hard how I could best explain these important differences between the sexes and looked towards the computer industry you both work in for an example you would understand and found an interesting report regarding the findings of a unisex research programme into whether computers are masculine or feminine.

The men on the research team concluded that computers are definitely feminine because even the smallest mistakes are stored in its long-term memory for later retrieval.

However, the women on the research team concluded that computers are most certainly masculine because in order to get their attention you have to turn them on.

To Kirsty, I give you one piece of advice:
If you want something from Ryan, just ask for it. Remember, He's a man, hints don't work.

To Ryan, I give you two pieces of advice:
Don't attempt to unravel the female mind. All us married guys have already tried and failed miserably and it will be a complete waste of time and energy. Remember the wise words of Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved, not understood.”

And finally, treat marriage like your job – you'll find it a lot more enjoyable if you get on well with the boss.

Now I'm sure you have all heard enough from me, and I know Ryan is bursting at the seams to say a few words. But first I'd like to propose a toast. – Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses, I give you . . . the bride and groom.