Speech by John Wheelock

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: John Wheelock
Speech Date: Jun 2009
Thank you Andrew. For those of you who don't know, Andrew is my sister's godfather. My father actually had a somewhat spotty record when it came to picking godfathers. My own godfather apparently forgot he was my godfather when I was about five years old and I have never seen him since. Andrew on the other hand was a tremendously kind and benevolent influence in both my life and Elizabeth's life as we grew up without a father.

I would like to start by, on behalf of my mother Jill and myself, Colin's mother Diana, and Elizabeth and Colin themselves, welcoming all of you, friends and family here today. And an especial welcome to those of you who have traveled long distances. Some of you have traveled from as far away as Newcstle and Wales to be here, and of course Colin's Aunt Margaret who traveled all the way from Portugal.

I would also like to pause for just a moment to remember those who cannot be here today because they are no longer with us: Elizabeth's grandparents George and Mary, James and Betty, Colin's grandparents Simon, Anne and Henrietta and of course Colin's father Jack and Elizabeth's and my own father Charles. Wherever they are today, I know they are smiling down on both Colin and Elizabeth with joy and with pride. And with that I would like to propose the first toast of the afternoon. Please raise your glasses and drink to absent friends.

It was Churchill who said “There are only two things more difficult than making a speech: kissing a girl who is leaning away from you and climbing a wall which is leaning toward you!” and therefore it is with some trepidation that I now stand before you.

But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person feeling trepidation. When you lose a father very young, as Elizabeth and I did, there are some consequences that simply don't occur to you – in thirty seven years it never crossed my mind that I would be giving Elizabeth away at her wedding. I don't think it had really occurred to Elizabeth either. It wasn't until several weeks after the wedding announcement that I received a slightly nervous call from Elizabeth suggesting that I give her away and that I would therefore have to give a speech. Before I could even accept, she rushed on to say “Now you do know it's not a best man sort of a speech, it's a totally different sort of a speech, don't you?”

Yes Elizabeth, I do understand.

That's probably a good thing for two reasons. Firstly I have only been a best man once and it would be difficult to stretch the imagination far enough to describe that particular occasion as anything other than a bit of a disaster. The wedding was in Morocco, I couldn't find any alcohol for the stag night, my speech was cancelled on the grounds that hardly any of the guests spoke a word of English, and my chief duty turned out to be helping to negotiate the price of the bride. The groom has since informed me that he now feels we considerably overpaid! Secondly, a brother is almost inevitably in possession of more of his sister's embarrassing secrets than a father could ever be – but rest assured, Elizabeth, your secrets are safe with me, for at least a couple more drinks!

Today as I look at Elizabeth it's hard to believe she was once my baby sister. I suppose like many brothers and sisters our relationship during our early years can best be described as mixed. And looking back I have come to the conclusion that this was largely because Elizabeth just didn't understand her proper place. I was eighteen months older, and yet Elizabeth was taller than me for much of our childhood. She was reading the newspaper while I was still struggling with Peter and Jane, and at the age of five she was receiving rave reviews in the local newspapers for virtuoso performances on her violin while each Sunday my mother would lean over in the church pew and furiously whisper in my ear: “Please stop singing!”

But as we grew older, we became much closer and I was able to appreciate all Elizabeth's qualities. And I can only imagine how proud our father would have been of his daughter, could he have been standing here in my place today.

Elizabeth is a young lady of tremendous accomplishments. She is both academically gifted, having turned down a place at Cambridge University, and musically talented. She grew up as one of the best young violinists in the country, accepted a scholarship at the Royal College of Music and went on to lead the Symphony Orchestra in her final year and also served as president of the student association there. And who knows what she might have gone on to achieve had she continued to pursue that path. Instead, as many of you know, she chose a career in public relations and spent many years working for charity. And now we must wish her good luck as she will be starting a new job in a few weeks working for the NHS. Good luck Elizabeth!

Elizabeth is enormously kind and giving and possesses an overwhelming and genuine interest in other people which perhaps explains why she has always had more friends than anybody else I know. By my late teens I gave up trying to count them let alone keep up with them all. It must have been extremely difficult for her to cut down the list of invitees to the wedding to the mere 168 here today – so perhaps we should all feel flattered that we made the cut at the top of such a long list.

And my sister is beautiful. It's actually quite hard for a brother to objectively judge the beauty of his sister. So, over the years, I have been forced to rely on the opinions of several of my own friends. The usual accolade ran along the lines of “Ooh err she's a lot better looking than you mate!” from which I was able to deduce, by a simple process of logic, that she must be extremely beautiful indeed. And really, who could have expected anything else from the daughter of our mother?

So I don't think I'm being biased when I say Elizabeth is a special person. Actually, just to make sure I wasn't biased, I checked with Colin. He agreed.

When I wrote the first draft of this speech, I wrote some glowing words of praise about Colin. I described him as kind, courteous, caring, witty and courageous. The problem was, living three thousand miles away, I haven't actually had the chance to spend a lot of time with Colin, so I had no idea if I were telling the truth. About all I could honestly say from my own experience was that I had met him once. In a pub. He bought me a drink, and he laughed at my jokes without seeming to require that I do either of those things in return. What more could a man possibly hope for in his future brother in law? But that seemed a little inadequate for this occasion and luckily I was able to consult the opinions of two people I trust, my sister and my mother and they reassured me that Colin was indeed kind, courteous, caring, witty and courageous. My mother went on to add that all of Colin's family, his mother and his sisters were very nice people indeed. And for those of you who know my mother, you will realize that there exists no higher distinction than to be a very nice person indeed.

And therefore it is with great delight that I welcome all of you into our family with open arms and Colin I formally welcome you as my sister's husband, my brother-in-law, and uncle to my children, and, from what I hear, I will also shortly be welcoming you, although perhaps with rather less delight, to the long list of people to whom I regularly lose money on the golf course.

I believe it is traditional at this stage of the speech for me to offer some sage, or perhaps corny, advice on how Colin and Elizabeth should conduct their marriage, but since Colin is several years older than me and Elizabeth has politely listened to every piece of advice I have ever given her in forty years and just as politely gone on to do exactly what she had originally intended, that seems a little pointless.

I do however have one piece of advice that I'd like to share with Colin based on my own experience of handling my sister. If Elizabeth is sitting on the floor, perhaps not wearing too many clothes, gazing at you, and she slowly rocks forwards on her hands and knees and begins to crawl slinkily towards you with a gleam in her eye. Take it from me, and I learned this lesson the hard way before I was three years old, you need to pick up whatever toy you're playing with and run away as fast as you can!

It remains only to thank Colin and Elizabeth for organizing such a splendid wedding, and all those who worked so hard to help make today happen: my mother and Gerald, Diana, the beautiful bridesmaids, and what about the musicians? Absolutely fabulous. And Elizabeth asked me to say a special word about County Caterers who have been as helpful as they could be at every turn.

And finally I would like to wish Elizabeth and Colin a long and happy marriage. Please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the happy couple. Elizabeth and Colin! Mr. and Mrs. Fordham! The Bride and Groom!