Speech by Keith h

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Keith h
Speech Date: 26/01/2015 10:27:06

Speech for Sam's wedding.

Welcome and good afternoon. For anyone that doesn't know me, I'm Keith, and very proud to be Sam's Father.   It is my honour to open the address this afternoon and be the warm up act for the much more professional speeches to follow.

On behalf of Karen and myself, I would like to thank everyone for coming along and sharing with us, the biggest day, so far, in Sam and Pete's life.

 I would also like to briefly remember the friends, parents, grandparents and relatives who are no longer with us who would have treasured today's proceedings.

This offering is speech number 4, version 8, completed 17 minutes ago, so I must apologise for reading most of it.  When writing this, I decided not to go down the soppy route as, recalling some of the antics of Sam over the years made me smile.

Perhaps to relay 1 or 2 of these will have the same effect on you today.

Besides, I don't want to be responsible for any more runs in makeup. It's particularly embarrassing when it happens to the men!

We were beginning to think that the words ‘Sam’ and ‘wedding’ would never be found in the same sentence, until that is, she met Pete.  I knew from the way she talked that this time something was different. Having told her many times (in the early days) that there were plenty more fish in the sea, her reply was always the same.  She didn't want any other fish, it had to be this one!

As Pete will be aware, she is not one for fishing with barbless hooks!

Despite my best efforts, Pete proved his worth and stuck around and has today become my son in law.

Thank you Pete and welcome to my family! 

Normally it would be appropriate to use this opportunity to make him feel a bit warmer under the collar than he already is.

Unfortunately, other than a healthy turnover of speeding points and the fact that he dyes his hair, my investigator can't find anything.

 I have had this man watched for 18 months and can find absolutely nothing.  He is a successful business man, company director and played the true northern game of Rugby league. He seems to me to be a genuine, all round nice guy.    

Though we did run out of money, just as the P.I got around to interviewing his last girlfriend.

Sam!

I did say that this was not going to be a soppy speech!

Sam. Where to start?  To look around this room at her loyal, beautiful and innocent (looking) friends.  Many of them can recall what we label as ‘stories’ involving Sam.

 I believe West Yorkshire constabulary refer to them as ‘incidents’.

 Fortunately, most of them have never reached my ears!  

When Sam was born, Ben would have been around 18 months old and we still hadn't got the hang of this parenting business. By this time, he was well practised in the art of attracting our attention and more than capable of disrupting our sleep on a bi-hourly basis. We heard our friends whisper ‘they can't be doing it right. They should get a grip! So when Sam was the perfect baby and very quickly sleeping all night, we had to keep prodding her to make sure she was ok!

 She only began to develop ‘attitude’ from about 2 years old!  

I will begin with the story of my little 5 year old angel with her almost new wooden garden house. Made by her grandfather Ken, lovingly, over several months and at the expense of making a living doing his normal job and in fierce defence from the machine gun like flak constantly heading in his direction from Mary (Sam's grandma).  The house was quite spectacular. It boasted its own veranda and window boxes, nicely planted of course. Inside was a carpeted first floor and working lights.

Before I go much further, I need to mention that before this incident 5 year old Sam and her 7 year old brother Ben were already in trouble for sneaking and watching the film arachnophobia. I believe that the film is rated ‘P.G’ Regrettably, the ‘p's’ didn't get chance to give any of the ‘g’.  A few days later, when Sam wanted to play with her friend Currie and Ben had taken over her new Wendy house with Curries older sister, she seized the opportunity..

 She closed the heavy wooden door and promptly turned the key on the professional, 5 lever, burglar proof lock.

In 1 swift movement she turned a lovely detached Wendy house into Armley prison.

Unfortunately, whilst weighing up his options of escape, which I have to admit, were limited, Ben spotted first of all a web, and then after looking closely, it's hairy resident.

At this point Sam had an attack of a lifelong affliction, (which she has suffered from many times since) of T.S.D syndrome (temporary selective deafness). 

Her brother's ear piercing screams could not be heard by her as she wandered off to play in her bedroom with her friend.  The heavy key, safely in her little pocket.

Ben still hasn't recovered fully from the trauma. Decades later, the first thing he did when he moved into his 1st house was employ ‘Rentokil’ at great expense. Not to rid the house of mice or sort out a mole problem in the garden. But to rid the house of spiders!  Inside and out!

When Sam was choosing her career path, I have to say, she chose wisely. Her final report from school, complimented her on being a very bright and sociable child, though mysteriously, the ink always seemed very smudged and difficult to read on her exam results page.  Upon leaving, she embarked on a long hairdressers training course at Huddersfield College and refined her chosen speciality of Colour Technician at Tony and Guy's, attending courses in Manchester, London and Middlesbrough, passing with flying colours.  Literally! (The flying colours, that is)

This final short story is an example of this perfect career choice.

Most of you here today know Zoey. But for those of you that don't, Zoey is to Sam what Bonnie was to Clyde or Butch Cassidy was to the Sundance kid.  She is her oldest friend and ally from school.  As such, it was natural that when Zoey moved house recently, Sam, along with her other old accomplice Gemma would go along and visit.

The occasion, an Ann Summers party.  Apparently you can buy dishes and other useful plastic things.

Though Sam had forgotten the house number, she had a good description of the road, the house and even the wallpaper.  So when finally they reached the road and the house matched the image in Sam's head, even down to the wallpaper..… There could be no doubt.

Sam duly knocked on the door and entered with her usual breezy ‘Hi-ya, alright?’ A call came back from upstairs returning the greeting.

Sam took off her shoes, entered the lounge and duly parked herself on Zoey's settee. Feet up of course! Waiting for the customary Blue wicked or glass of white wine. 

Not too long afterwards, a young women entered the lounge, looked at Sam, by now comfortably parked on her sofa and asked ‘Sorry love, are you lost?’

The wheels slowly began to turn in Sam's head who of course was mortified when it finally sank in.

This is not Zoey's house is it? She asked quietly as she began to plan an escape. Though she realised this would not be easy from her horizontal position on the sofa.

No dear, she lives 2 doors down, came the inevitable reply!

Fortunately the women saw the funny side and allowed them to leave without charge.

Just another normal day in Sam's uneventful life!

But now it is my honour and privilege to propose a toast,

Sam and Pete, you are about to embark on your life together.

Along the way will be many twists and turns, great days and those not so great. But you have each other, and that is all you will need.

 Cling to each other, communicate with each other and be tolerant of each other, most of all, make each other the most important thing in your lives.

I love you both very much.

If you could please raise your glasses,

Sam & Pete