Speech by Keith

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Keith
Speech Date: 20/12/2012 13:33:48

Ladies and gentlemen,

For those of you that don't know me, I'm —–, —‘s Dad, and on behalf of my wife ——, and —— – —-‘s mum, I would like to welcome you all here today to celebrate the marriage of our daughter — to —.

As Father of the bride, I have the pleasure of making the first speech.

I have been given lots and lots of advice on what to or what not to say – such as keep it short, I will, no smutty jokes, they are best left to the best man, try and remember names, not easy for someone who has the memory of a geriatric goldfish.

However, it is 47 years, since I was allowed to say anything without been disagreed with, frowned at, laughed or ignored.  At the end of the day, it's my speech, and I can say what I like.

I would like to start by giving a warm welcome to all the relatives and friends who have joined us to celebrate —- and —‘s wedding.  I appreciate many of you have travelled to be here; perhaps some have come a considerable distance.  Thank you all for coming to see me, it's very much appreciated.

Now we get to the tricky part of the speech – where I am supposed to give advice on the subject of marriage.  Many would say that I am probably not the best person to do this; I do know that it is the time when you stop painting the town and start painting the walls and ceilings.

Anyway, —- & — do not need my advice.  Today I look at my daughter and see an independent, sometimes self willed, attractive woman; she obviously takes after her mother.  Of course, she inherits other traits from me – her allergy to house work, her appreciation for the finer things in life – like a large snifter of good brandy.

Every Father hopes his daughter will find a reliable sensible partner, and as much as you try not to interfere in her life, she will still go her own way.

—-, I hope that you will be able to keep — in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed to.  I totally understand why you have shares in Bargain Booze.  —-, what advice can I give you on my 47 years married life?

Marriage will teach you many things, loyalty, self-restraint, obedience – I am still in training aren't I dear?

Remember, certain phrases can smooth things out, like I was wrong, you were right, yes dear, I love you.

Never go to bed in the middle of an argument, be a man, stay up, have a drink, watch some TV, you've lost anyway.

I am informed that the actor Richard Burton once said, that a woman accepts a man for what he is and then spends the rest of her life trying to change him.

Ladies and gentlemen, if we can all take one last look at —- as we know him, because —‘s remodelling begins tomorrow. 

On a serious note everyone, —- & —‘s separate lives have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, with more downs that ups, from today let us wish them only ups.

Oh! That advice —- and — – You've probably read it on the “Rules for a happy marriage” board in our home – neglect the whole world, rather than one another.

Finally, if you would be upstanding, I would like you to all raise a glass for the health and happiness of the bride and groom…  — and —-.