Speech by Kelly Seaman

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Kelly Seaman
Speech Date: 23/08/2011 17:30:07

Ladies and Gentlemen, Relatives and Friends

The fact that I am on my feet signifies that the speeches are about to start, but rest assured that mine will be as short as possible, it being little more than a warm up for the groom and best man. But perhaps you will allow me a little leeway, this being the first time in 29 yrs that I have been able to speak in Hannah's presence without being interrupted or corrected by her.

Winston Churchill said that there are only two things more difficult than writing a speech, kissing a girl who is leaning away from you or climbing a wall that is leaning towards you, or in this case doing both at the same time. Having had only a few years to prepare for this moment, you will appreciate that it's been something of a last minute thing so I have made a few notes. I have also been practicing this morning, so you will understand that this is not the first time today that I have risen from a warm seat clutching a piece of paper. I've been told that delivering this speech will be as nerve wracking as giving evidence in Crown Court. Well I can confirm that. The only difference being that today, I have no reason not to tell the truth as Tim is already tried, convicted and condemned.

I am sure that Richard and Linda would join us in welcoming you all here today. Some of you, I know, have travelled a long way, from the northernmost county of England, otherwise known as Scotland and even from Dubai. It is actually quite surprising to see so many of you here today, clashing as it does with other notable events. Even now England are thrashing Wales at Twickenham, or you may have been drawn to the Eastbourne Dog Show and who could fail but to have been tempted by the Agricultural Show at Osmertherley? So thank you all for choosing to be being here today.

On a slightly sombre note I should mention some who are not here today, namely Shelagh's parents, Tom and Elsie and Walter my Father and of course John, who was such a significant part of Hannah's childhood, they would all have loved to have been here.

Just the other day Hannah reminded me that I should in my speech say nice things about her and I find no difficulty with that at all. Hannah you look absolutely gorgeous today and I should tell you something that perhaps I don't tell you enough, that is, how very proud of you we all are. You have shown so much commitment and dedication to get where you have. On the way you have gone from being a pretty, happy little girl to a caring and approachable young woman who has the rare ability to get on with anyone she meets. And of course you managed to find the time to produce a lovely daughter.

So much has happened that one wonders where the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday that you were running round that house nearly naked, wetting your knickers and having temper tantrums on the kitchen floor, hang on that was only yesterday!!

On the 12^th May 1982, while the rest of the world was distracted by the Falklands, Shelagh and I were coming to terms with our own imminent invasion. The midwife said “She looks just like you Mr Seaman”, then realised her mistake and turned Hannah round the other way.

Little did we realise just how soon Hannah would be back in hospital, this time with Bactearial Meningitus. If we ever doubted how ill you were, then the Dr's advice that he fetch the Chaplain certainly bought it home to us. But thankfully you showed what came to be that characteristic pig headed determination and confounded us all.

Since then you've not given us two, any problems. Sorry, that's a misprint, not given us too many problems, that's better.

Some years ago Elinor and I took Hannah to a boat show of all things, accompanied by friends and their children. It was packed and we suddenly realised that we had lost Hannah and her friend Gemma. We searched frantically before the loudspeaker summoned us to the organiser's marquee. They had kindly placed the girls in front of a large buffet, which Hannah was taking full advantage of. Gemma was distraught at having become separated from her parents. Hannah however only became distraught when we tried to separate her from the buffet.

Then there was that compulsory right of passage, the first holiday abroad with friends. I was opposed to the idea but was reassured that she's “sensible and level headed” and “would be fine”. With those reassurances still fresh in my mind I was therefore somewhat puzzled when Hannah phoned from some Greek Island to say that she wouldn't be coming home, or going to Uni but had instead been offered a job in a bar. I remained calm of course and asked where she would be living.… “In the bar owners flat, but don't worry Dad, it's not like that, he's nearly as old as you.”

Then a few days later, having rolled that hand grenade into my placid existence, the idea was dismissed.

And finally, University. That strange black hole that your children fall into, taking all your money as they do, from which communication with parents is apparently impossible and where the only way to survive is to be constantly drunk. I still smile as I recall taking Hannah back to Loughbouro’ one evening. She calmly announced that she thought she would like to work with convicted criminals in prison. You can imagine how delighted I was at the prospect of my daughter working with the very people I had worked so hard to put in prison in the first place. In fact my delight was so great that I triggered not only one speed camera going through Guyhirn but all three! Again, a few days later, the damage having been done, the idea was again, dismissed.

And so, Tim. They say that “no man is complete until he's married, then he's finished” but you've known Hannah long enough to know what you're letting yourself in for. But as she describes herself as a control freak, you may find the following stock phrases can divert no end of trouble..… “Yes dear”, “My fault dear” and “If u want it darling, just buy it”. And Tim if u practice those phrases in the mirror, u can even say them with a smile. But above all, never try to understand women; they're not like ordinary people

I recently expressed my concern to Hannah that I am supposed at this point to offer some sound matrimonial advice and that I didn't know if I was the best person to do that. Hannah said “No, Dad you're absolutely the best person”, not too sure if that was a compliment.

But while driving home the other night, I thought that I might compare marriage to a car journey. You know… smooth roads/bumpy roads, wrong turns, going round in circles, looking for signs to guide you, that type of thing when my attention was drawn to the cats eyes down the middle of the road. For those who don't know they were invented by a chap who saw real cat's eyes reflecting back his headlights. Then it occurred to me that had that cat been facing the other way, the guy would have invented pencil sharpeners and we'd all be in a muddle.

And a few words of thanks……..

To Shelagh for the daughter that every Father hopes for.

To Hannah for being the Daughter I always wanted.

To Richard and Linda for the type of son that everyone wants their daughter to marry.

And to Elinor, for guiding me through the difficult years of Fatherhood and keeping me calm when I wanted to be anything but.

AND FINALLY……………

Hannah and Tim……

“May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever”

Ladies and Gentlemen, please join me in a toast….

Hannah and Tim