Speech by Ken Hastings

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Ken Hastings
Speech Date: 02/10/2013 14:51:30

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank all of you for being here today, especially those of you who knew that I'd be saying a few words – it's very touching that you've come in spite of that.

The first big thank you goes to Emmy and Ollie who both knew exactly how they wanted today to be. Through their thoughtful planning and tireless efforts they have made today a tremendous success for everyone.

The second big thank you goes to Ali, who made such a magnificent wedding dress for Emmy.

You know I really wanted to memorise this speech, but it's not easy with such a distinguished audience and especially when you have the memory of a geriatric Goldfish!!

I've had 28 years to prepare for this moment – it nearly brought tears to my eyes in the church when, for the first time, I actually heard Emmy say “I will” with a smile on her face – and without moaning.

Now, taking the maxim “never do today what you can put off until tomorrow” I ended up getting this speech off the internet this week. I've not read it yet so I hope it's good. 

Anyway, something I DO take comfort from is that this isn't the first time today I've stood up from a nice warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

Now, according to the internet and, I suppose tradition, the Father of the Bride has 4 areas to cover in his speech

To welcome everyone to the ‘Do’

To say a few words about the Bride in a LOVING and BALANCED way

To give a few words of advice to the happy couple

To give the first of the toasts to the Bride & Groom.

I had a look at the year Emmy was born, 1985, and a number of fascinating and world changing events happened in that year :

Eastenders hit the screen and many of us immediately lost the will to live – it's never been the same since Phil & Grant split up – not that I ever watch it!

The Titanic was found after 73 years of searching – some say it's taken about the same time for me to find my wallet!

BUT – the most important event, particularly where Emmy is concerned, was that the first British mobile phone call was made. This was by Ernie Wise to Vodafone and I think he just managed to get a signal before he passed away, God rest his soul. The reason this event figures so much in Emmy's life – and in my nightmares – is that the first mobile phone bill I had for Emmy showed that she'd appeared to text for MORE minutes than there physically were in the month! I still don't know for the life of me how she did that but I do know that I'm still paying the bill off in instalments!

Anyway, so much for my futile attempts at humour, let's begin the more serious stuff :

1) The Welcome

Distinguished guests, those of lesser or no distinction, family, close relatives, distant relatives, in-laws, out-laws, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances of friends, freeloaders and anyone else who's turned up for a free meal – on behalf of Ali & myself, it's a real pleasure to welcome you all to the wedding celebrations of Emmy & Ollie.

That's the welcome out of the way.

2) A few words about the Bride in a LOVING and BALANCED way  

Firstly, Ali and I are very proud of Emily and pleased to see her looking so beautiful and happy today.

Emmy has been through relationships in the past in which we have all laughed, moaned, sworn and cried with her, but I have never seen her with a bigger smile on her face the day they announced their engagement to us. I knew from that day that they were made for each other. Ollie – Emmy deserves a good husband and you're really lucky to have married her – before she managed to find one!!

Emmy has really grown up quickly – it doesn't seem that long ago she was running around the house trying to get her toy kitchen off her older brother!! I don't know – teenagers!

She's always been mature for her age – Auntie Maggie used to say at playschool “here comes Emily, 4 going on 14”. She's very single minded and determined and once she sets her mind on something, she usually gets it, as Ollie can already testify to. I wasn't going to mention her 1st class  honours degree in adult nursing but she DID ask me to, especially as she got a better result than I did all those years ago. Did I mention that she is also very competitive!?

That's the loving and balanced thing out of the way.

3) Advice to the happy couple.

I'm proud to say that your Mum & I have been together for 32 years – I haven't got a clue how we did it or what the secret is – but we did it!! One thing's for sure, it's not easy but we never gave up.

To Ollie – A great philosopher once said, (or was it a bloke in Pershore?), a man who gives in when he's wrong is a wise man: A man who gives in when he's right….is married!

To Emmy – when you want something from Ollie, ask for it – don't forget he's a man and hints just don't work!!

My best advice for Ollie is to make the most of the honeymoon period – that's the time between “I will” and “You'd better”. Ollie, I am delighted that Emmy chose you to spend her life with. You're funny, kind, good looking, talented, generous, hardworking and have all 10 fingers – they may be webbed but they're all there – and I am proud to welcome you officially to our family, even though it seems like you've been here for ages!

I think you have been with Emmy long enough to know what you are letting yourself in for by joining our family, so to be honest I haven't got any sympathy for you at all.

Seriously though, if I could've chosen anyone to marry my daughter I would've chosen you. And that's not just because I needed a new rear porch! Or the Annexe kitchen done. And by the way, the cupboard on the landing still isn't finished!!

I wish both of you fun and excitement for today – hopes and dreams for tomorrow – and love, happiness and talking forever!

That's the advice done.

4) The Toast – The last and easiest bit!

All that remains for me to say is to ask everyone to have a good time this evening. 

My final duty and very great privilege is to propose a toast to our daughter and new son-in law. 

Here's to the past, for all that you've learned.

Here's to the present, for all that you share.

Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Emily and Ollie THE BRIDE AND GROOM