Speech by Ken Storey

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Ken Storey
Speech Date: 31/01/2012 00:37:38

Welcome

Ladies and Gentlemen – good afternoon.

I'm Ken Storey and I have the proud distinction of being Eleanor's dad – and now Oliver's father-in-law.

As father of the bride it's my pleasant duty, on behalf of my wife Claire and myself, Oliver's parents Chris and Wendy – who must be very proud of their son today – and, of course, the happy couple themselves to welcome you to Eleanor and Oliver's wedding celebration and to thank you for all your presents.

Sorry. Thank you all for your presence. [Careful with this one. You have to get the pronounciation just right or the joke is lost]

It's particularly pleasing to see a large contingent from the Spry side – Oliver's Army, as we think of them, and also from my own family, many of whom I've not seen for far too long. I look forward to spending some time with each of you individually in the course of the day's events.

I know some of you have travelled a considerable distance to be here -: the Gloucester Sprys, [at this point everyone was sat dutifully quiet but I said “give yourselves a cheer” and announced them again with an exaggerated gesture – “THE GLOUCESTER SPRYS”. Then everyone became involved rather than just listeners] the James family from Northampton, my sister Jules from Perugia, Italy – but collecting the most air miles today is Eleanor's Godmother, Catherine, all the way from San Francisco. It's good to see you again Catherine.

However, whether from near or far, you are all here because you have played some part in the lives of Eleanor and Oliver over the years, and we are honoured to have you with us to celebrate this happy occasion.

Absent friends

Sadly there are loved ones, on both sides, who are no longer with us, though we know that they would have shared in our joy today.

Also there is Oliver's granny, Dorothy Haig, who unfortunately is too unwell to make the journey, my little niece Rosa who was to be a flower girl but is also not well and Oliver's friend Keira who, more happily, can't attend because she is about to have a baby.

They may not be here in body but they are certainly here in our hearts so, ladies and gentlemen, I would ask you to please remain seated but to raise your glass and take a drink with me –

To absent friends.

Preamble

So. Here we are in Dorchester.

My apologies to those who thought they were going to THE Dorchester but I'm sure you'll agree that the tea was every bit as good. Thanks to Sue Martin and her team for that.

Claire

Now, today is not the first time I've walked down the aisle with a beautiful bride on my arm – though last time I was going out not coming in.

That earlier bride was, of course, my Claire and I would like to take this opportunity to thank her publicly for 31 years of love and good companionship and for bearing, nursing and raising our 5 wonderful children [HUGE unexpected cheer and applause here. So much so that I had to stop and wait for them to finish before I carried on. Expect the unexpected]. Which brings me to the reason we are all here – my eldest daughter Eleanor.

Eleanor

Being the eldest means that we got to make all our parenting mistakes with her, but thankfully she seems to have emerged unscathed. Looking at her – so beautiful and radiant today – makes my chest swell with pride. Regrettably, my stomach seems to be doing the same – though that is “London Pride”.

Eleanor was born on the 27^th January 1983. I blinked for a moment and now here I am making a speech at her wedding. In that seemingly brief span of time I have watched her grow from a wobbly toddler, mastering the laws of gravity, to expert wedding organizer.

She has been planning this day for a long time. A very long time [show photo 1] – the first fitting of the dress, [show photo 2] – selecting a suitable venue – that one didn't have a late license [show photo 3] – and the regular meetings of the catering focus group.

I think all that preparation has paid off though as everything seems to have gone very smoothly today – so far.

Achievements

One night, when Eleanor was about 2 years old, there was a particularly fine full moon. So I wrapped her up and took her out into the garden. As we both gazed in wonder at the spectacle, she raised her little hand trying so hard to reach it, turned to me and said “Want it moon”.

From that moment I knew that she was someone with high aspirations who would never settle for less than the best.

Eleanor attended St. Edward's school where she did well in most subjects but particularly made an impression on her drama teacher, Jane Evans, who offered her the opportunity to tour with the Jake's Ladder theatre company during her gap year in 2001, playing the part of Eggletina in “The Borrowers”.

She prepared diligently for the role – by borrowing things from me – money … socks … guitar effects pedal – but probably the less said about that, the better, eh Eleanor.

She then went on to university and I was delighted to witness her graduation from Winchester in 2005. Unfortunately Claire couldn't be there as Isobel's graduation was on the same day, some 200 miles away, so we had to split the proud parental duties.

Still the pull of the footlights would not let go and she spent the following summer playing the part of Foxy Forsythe in the children's show at Longleat.

Sadly, as with so many other great stars at the peak of their career, the offers stopped coming in and so Eleanor had to find a proper job, firstly as a letting agent with Taylor Made and latterly her current position in public relations with Tasty Marketing, a career which, I feel, suits both her talents and her personality.

As well as the day job she now runs a successful pole dancing school with her sister Isobel and is building her own internet and publishing empire.

Eleanor has always been very close to Isobel. In fact they were more like twins than our twins were. And when Olivia came along she was readily assimilated into the group, becoming an honorary teenager at about the age of 9.

And as if that wasn't enough they banded together with other like-minded ladies and formed a fearsome alliance, known as “The Motherhood”. To disguise their true identities they took on animal names – Eleanor being Mother Hen.

The sworn purpose of this subversive organisation was, I believe, to scare boys and wreak havoc by buying up the nation's entire supply of shoes and handbags.

I warn you, ladies and gentlemen, these dangerous individuals are still at large.

Mothers – make yourselves known. [I had tipped them off previously and they all stood up and made a large – well, shrieking – kind of sound]

Some of you may have wondered during the ceremony today about Eleanor's, shall we say slightly unusual, middle name. Well, she started life with a perfectly respectable given name but changed it by deed poll for charity in 2009. [show photo]. Today she has changed her surname too but she will always be Eleanor.

Through all these life experiences that wobbly toddler has become an elegant, intelligent confident and enterprising young woman now embarking on the next phase of her life with her chosen partner, Oliver.

All this to make her old Dad proud – and how well she has succeeded.

Oliver, if Eleanor brings to you only a fraction of the joy and delight she has brought to us over the years then you will, without doubt, be a very happy man.

Oliver

Well, Oliver.

We are pleased to welcome you as Son-in-law, though perhaps we should reserve judgement on just how pleased we are until after the best man has had his say.

It was a whirlwind romance and I have to say that the engagement came as a surprise, though I did suspect something was afoot when both their Facebook statuses changed from “single” to “in a relationship” on the same day.

I did hear, from what the press might refer to as an “unnamed source” – no, I didn't tap his phone – , but I am reliably informed that, when discussing it with his mum, Oliver told her “I knew within the first hour”. [I caught the Groom with this one – I asked him if it was true. He flushed a bit and mumbled “yes”. I pointed to the guests and said “they can't hear you, Oliver, could you repeat it?”. He went bright red. They loved it]

Eleanor's thinking “What took him so long”?

But, to me, it shows, not only impeccable taste, but a man who knows exactly what he wants and with a determination to make it so. A perfect match for someone with high aspirations who would never settle for less than the best.

Oliver, you are a positive, calm, easy-going young man -all qualities which will serve you well in your marriage to Eleanor – and in making your vows today you have demonstrated that most rare of male attributes (some women would say non-existent) – commitment.

But most importantly, you bring a smile to our daughter's face.

Also some of you may not know, Oliver is a passionate cook. You'd have to ask Eleanor about the passion but I can personally vouch for his cooking. In fact – I think we should all go round tomorrow for Sunday lunch. One o'clock be alright for everyone?

Eleanor, if Oliver brings to you the devotion and support he has shown over this past eighteen months – not to mention the dinners – then you will, without doubt, be a very happy woman.

We wish you a long and happy life together and hope it won't be too long before you have your own little “Sprys”.

Conclusion:

Finally, you will all be relieved to hear – especially Oliver who, I'm sure, can't wait for his turn to speak – it is customary at this point for me to pass onto the newlyweds the secrets of a long and happy marriage. To this end I have two pearls of wisdom I would like to share.

Firstly, regarding love

• Love is not gazing into each others eyes, but looking forward, together, towards your future.

• Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

• Love is all you need. [I'd left a note on each table asking the guests to respond with “Love is all you need”, like the song. About 50% remembered]

Secondly, concerning respect

I would urge you both to treat your partner like a dog. By that I mean

• Feed them well

• Make a fuss of them and pamper them a little

• And let them off the lead once in a while.

It seems only right to end with a quotation from Dorchester's most famous son, Thomas Hardy. Gabriel Oake in Far From The Madding Crowd.

“And at home – by the fire, whenever you look up, there I shall be— and whenever I look up, there will be you”.

Toast:

Eleanor, if you still “want it moon” then it's yours, along with the sky and all the stars. Today the universe belongs to you and Oliver.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Bride and Groom.