Speech by Mark Holmes

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Mark Holmes
Speech Date: Sep2005
Hello my name is Mark and it is my great honour to be the father of the bride.

As father of the bride there are two downsides.

One is having to stand here and give this speech and the other was to give the bride away. Having been in sales all my life, giving things away is not something that comes easily – ‘sell’ I understand, but give away, is not a phrase I normally use. However, if I'd had to sell Steph, this wedding would not have taken place as Olly could never afford the value I put on my daughter. …..ok £60 quid but remember you have 28 days to try her out and if you don't want her I expect the original receipt and returned with her box intact.

From the day she was born she has never been a moments trouble – always conscientious and grateful. The only thing she ever complained about was her name.

Steph was named after Stephanie Powers – the beautiful leading lady of my favourite TV programme at the time Hart to Hart. All I can say Steph is think yourself lucky – as my second favourite programme was George and Mildred.

Time has gone by very quickly and it doesn't seem so long ago since Steph was running round the garden with no knickers on, kissing slugs .… luckily she has grown out of kissing slugs.

She has grown into a beautiful young lady about to embark on a very exciting time of her life and the man she has chosen to share that life with is Olly.

On getting to know Olly I have found him to be a man full of integrity, honesty and loyalty but mostly full of real ale. We are very pleased to officially welcome him to our family. Likewise it is heartening to know that Olly's parents, Anne and Peter, have taken to Steph and have made her feel welcome within their family.

I'd like to thank you all for coming to share this special day of Steph and Olly's, especially those that have travelled a long way – including America, Finland and Ireland.

I'd like to thank Steph for organising everything and I'd like to thank Anne for the lovely flowers in the church.

Finally, I believe that as father of the bride it falls on me to give some words of wisdom to the newly weds. So…

-Never go to bed on an argument — stay up and fight.
-And Olly, a couple of words to the wise.
-remember to say those three little words that keep marriage alive ….… ‘I was wrong’
-and remember just before you take her out, the answer is .. ‘No’ your bum doesn't look big in that!

And to Steph I think the following words taken from the magazine – Housekeeping Monthly of 1955, will prove very useful.

The article is called The good wife's guide and I can assure you my wife….… practices all its advice. The article reads as follows.
Just before your husband arrives home from work clear away the clutter, make one last trip through the main part of the home, run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and it will give you a lift too.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting as his boring day may need a lift.
When he arrives home make him comfortable, have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and you are concerned about his needs.

Some don'ts. Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner, count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
Never complain if he doesn't take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment, understand his need to be home and relaxed after a day full of strain.

I think all the men here will agree that this is what we expect from our wives.

Anyway will you all be upstanding and join with me in toasting the bride and groom and wishing them every happiness in their life together as Mr & Mrs …………..