Speech by Mike

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Mike
Speech Date: 30/08/2016 18:37:57

INTRO For those of you who don't know me, I'm Mike, Laura's dad and I have the dubious pleasure of making the first speech so effectively I'm the warm up act for Sean and Pattie. I also read somewhere that the Father of the Bride speech is generally the worst one of the wedding and I'm sure I can maintain that low standard. The good news for you is that I will only be droning on for 3 or 4 minutes.

WELCOME So Ladies, gentlemen I'd like to welcome you all here today. It is good to see so many friends and family here, especially as I know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here. I want to start by admitting that I'm a bit nervous. Not because I'm making a speech, but because Lynn told me what I had to say and, because I'm a man and I can, I've chosen to ignore her orders.

LAURA So, on this happy occasion I thought I'd look back to see what else happened on the day that Laura was born but the best I could find was that on that day in history Australia banned Bungee Jumping. What a memorable event so now you know why I forget your birthday sometimes. For the first few years of Laura's life we were just an average family with a couple of kids. When she was 4½ things changed because Jack, her younger brother (aka The Mistake), was born and Laura had someone to be in charge of. She's never looked back since! At the age of 5 I can remember her sitting on the kitchen worktop telling her mum to “get out of my life and stop ruining it”!! I can only assume that the breakfast being offered to her was not to her liking. The next event that I can clearly remember is a family day out at Stockwood Park in Luton when Laura was about 5 or 6. She was bitten by a donkey. What a fuss! Don't worry though, the donkey recovered. Laura was always a bit of a sporty tomboy and enjoyed playing rugby from the age of about 6. I've got some great memories of watching her on Sunday mornings in January with rain coming down horizontally. Unfortunately she had to give up when she was about 13 because the boys kept on complaining that when she tackled them she wouldn't let them go afterwards. She then went on to join the Sea Cadets, often going away, sometimes as far as Scotland, the boys didn't have a clue where they were going, but it was all OK as Laura was in charge…whether they liked it or not.   SEAN As Laura got older she had a couple of longish term boyfriends who I am not allowed to mention here. She didn't use Tinder or any of the other apps when she was younger as she worked in Tesco and there were clearly plenty of defenceless victims there. Sean also worked at Tesco and I understand that one day he was happily sorting tins of beans on a shelf when he saw Laura leering at him and things progressed from there. On a more serious note, it's normal at this point to welcome the new son-in law to the family but in Sean's case he simply moved in after I got a job in Luxembourg and is now clearly in charge of the TV remote. Also the fact that he is over 6 foot and slightly fitter than me means that I have to treat him as part of the family or he won't let me into the house next time I come home. Things are moving on now for Sean and as I'm sure you are aware, he couldn't get a proper job so he's joined the Royal Navy where he has opted to join the submarine service. This means that he can get away from Laura for 3 to 6 months at a time and live in a metal tube with 135 like-minded men! They say a daughter marries someone not dis-similar to her father, well Sean all I can say is you must be PERFECT!!

THE TOAST Ladies & Gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to propose the first toast to the happy couple. Would you please be upstanding and raise your glasses – The Bride and Groom