Speech by Nigel Dean

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Nigel Dean
Speech Date: 11/06/2013 21:26:11

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, family, relatives, in-laws and outlaws, young and old, friends, friends of friends, and anyone who happened to be walking by and came in to see what was going on – let me extend a warm welcome to Michelle and James's wedding reception. I'd like to thank all of you for being here today, especially those of you who knew that I'd be saying a few words – it's very touching that you still decided to come. Today we are breaking slightly from tradition by having the speeches BEFORE the meal because James and Guy are both terrified of giving speeches and it means they can enjoy the meal afterwards. For those of you that don't know me I'm Nigel and I am Michelle's dad and as the father of the bride I have the dubious pleasure of making the first speech   –  I am the warm-up act for the star speakers and their words of wisdom –  the Groom and Best Man, James and Guy. I apologise to them both if I pinch their best jokes, but that's the privilege of speaking first. Most of you will know of Michelle's interest in fashion so I thought I would try to make my speech like that well known item of fashion clothing, the mini skirt – short enough to be interesting and long enough to cover the essentials.  Michelle looks beautiful in her dress, don't you agree?  Which is good, because as from tomorrow she'll be wearing the trousers! When I researched my speech on the Internet (ah thank God for the Internet) I found some quotes that seem to sum it all up. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. Ogden Nash I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. -Rita Rudner Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” Her mother said “Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”  A couple of thoughts for you James:  First – A 9 year old girl was asked for her thoughts about marriage and she replied “It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them”.  So true Second – A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. Michelle only gave me one instruction about what to say today. And the message was clear “Dad … please don't embarrass me.” Which meant that I have had to scrap ninety per cent of my speech.  I have many memories of her as a baby. I've seen her wet herself and crawl around on the floor dribbling, but I think that's enough about her 21st birthday. There was a little story about a couple who had been married for 30 years. The wife noticed that her husband kept looking at their wedding certificate every day. Being a woman the curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask her husband “why do you keep reading the marriage certificate”? The husband replied “I am looking for the expiry date but can't find it”! So James, you are stuck with her for life, make the most of it and be happy, above all else be happy! Incidentally, I've noticed that James is a bit of a gadget freak – Satnav, mobile phone, Ipod, laptop etc. If it's smart and attractive, takes control and gives out non-stop information 24 hours a day, he's got to have it. I can see now what attracted him to Michelle. But it is nice to know that James has the traditional values instilled in him by his parents, Nick and Jane.  I remember the afternoon when he rang me and said that he loved Michelle more than anything in the world and wanted to marry her, and he was ringing to ask my permission.  I hope I didn't sound TOO eager when I said “Yes”! Michelle, there is so much more I'd like to say about you. But I believe that my time is up. You look incredible today. You are a beautiful woman and a wonderful daughter. You have married a terrific man. And you will make a perfect wife.  When you and I shared our little glance at one another as we were ready to start our walk down the aisle, that will be a moment I will cherish forever. Last but not least any one here who wishes to help out a happy but now poor father after paying for most of this reception can give a donation in cash, cheque, bank transfer or visa card all will be gratefully accepted, there will be a collection box placed at the exit for your loose change. I'd like to close with a poem that I wrote.  No, I may not look like a poet but I do have a sensitive side and write the occasional poem when the mood takes me.   WEDDING DAY The waiting is over, the day's here at last, The planning is finished, it's all gone so fast, The church is resplendent with colourful flowers. The bells are all ringing from up in the tower, The guests are arriving, they all look so sweet, There's an air of excitement as each takes their seat. The bridegroom is nervous, the Best man more so, Palms sweating, hands shaking, they glance to and fro, The vicar is waiting, then the organ starts loud, The bride has arrived, not that late, as she'd vowed A vision of beauty, so radiant, so light, I scarce can recall such a beautiful sight. Then they're standing together, both with love in their heart. Pledging love to each other ‘til death do us part’. The service is finished, now they're husband and wife, To love and to cherish the rest of their life. Then photos, confetti, the bells ring again, With so many photos the smiling's a strain, Then we're here at the breakfast, a jolly affair, Good food, wine, and speeches and toasts in the air. And then it's all over, and all the goodbyes. The guests are all waving, some with tears in their eyes. As they're off for their honeymoon, the end of that day All that mad frantic planning, but it all went ok, But the lasting result, before we bid them farewell,  Is now James is married to my daughter Michelle. Ladies and Gentlemen please raise your glasses to Michelle and James