Speech by Oliver Edmunds

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Oliver Edmunds
Speech Date: Oct 2001
Good Afternoon

One down , one to go !!

Unaccustomed as I am to PUBIC Sorry, Public speaking please bear with me..

I wont go on too long, on account of my throat…

Tina tells me she's gonna cut it if I do
Anyway, It gives me great pleasure to make the first speech; and I would
like to welcome Janet & Keith Mike's Parents

and all of you who have travelled so far to be with us to celebrate these
nuptials…

Today has been a long time in the planning stage (or it seems) and now I get
the chance to say a few words

I‘ve surfed the Internet looking for what should be said
And basically this is my chance to impart some well-meaning advice on
marriage to the happy couple, without fear of contradiction or interruption

I suppose the best way to do this is by example and quotes,

one of which being: –

“Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and
the woman gets her Masters.”

And as Groucho Marx said: “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who
wants to live in an institution”

I asked Kerry what she was hoping for out of marriage –
She said love, happiness and companionship..
I asked mike the same question and he said
A new car and the latest lara croft game –

Its good job Kerry did all those dancing lessons when she was younger and is
still quite supple..
Moving swiftly on from lara croft to another famous
Quote this time from Oscar Wilde
One, which I can whole-heartedly agree with
“No man should have secrets from his wife. She invariably finds it out”
Let me say that marriage will bring you many things – loyalty,
self-restraint, obedience, a sense of fair play and loads of other virtues
that you wouldn't have needed if you had stayed single.

>From the year that mike was born here are a couple things that “us” older
ones might remember
US astronauts drive on the moon in a ‘Moon rover’
London bridge moves to Arizona
Decimal currency introduced in the UK
Philips launches the first VCR
Nontuplets (9) are born in Australia
And Liverpool lost to arsenal 2-1 after extra time in the FA cup final
And when Kerry was born
Disposable plastic razors invented by Gillette
Three-day working week introduced in the UK
Free family planning available on the NHS
And Liverpool beat Newcastle 3-0

Now you're married Mike there's something you'll have to learn to live with,
because no man has yet found a remedy for it…and that is….the female
mind!
It can be summed up by on simple instance.
A woman bought her husband two ties for his birthday, a red one and a blue
one.
He was undecided which one to wear at his party that evening, but appeared
in the red one.
As soon as his wife saw him, she said, "Oh! you're wearing the red tie.
Don't you like the blue one?"

There's no way you can win ….However, forewarned is forearmed.
According to Charlton Heston, the key to a long and happy marriage Mike, is
to remember these three little words, "I was wrong."…
Or three that have served me well in the past
“OK lets buy it”
Passing Kerry over to Mike reminds me of what someone once said :-
“If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
And,
if all it does is …just sit in your house, mess up your stuff, spend
your money, eat your food, use the telephone all night, and monopolise your
Television.…
You either married it, or gave birth to it!

That's about it really just want to thank the vicar for a lovely service if
you want to get hold of him you can find at WWW.GOD.CO.UK

It now gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to the happy couple.
Here's to the past, for all that you've learned,
Here's to the present, for all that you share,
Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to together.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding, and raise your glasses
to Kerry and Mike
The Bride and Groom