Speech by Paul Murray

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Paul Murray
Speech Date: Sep 2008
Hello everybody — Thank you very much for that applause – I tell you it's much better being clapped in than clapped out.

Before I start – I have been asked to inform you that all of today's speeches have been sponsored by…..Imodium. Actually, there are so many cheesy jokes in my speech that the sponsor should have been ‘Laughing Cow’.
It is my privilege to make the first speech of the day.… although I wish someone would tell my stomach that this is a privilege, because this is the third time in the last hour, that I””ve got up off a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
I think by now you will have established that I am the Father of the Groom – Paul. I am merely stating this for the benefit of those of you on the Bride's side of the family – who may have thought I was Matthew's slightly older brother……

The reason why I am making this speech today – instead of the Bride's Father, Robert – is that he made me an offer I couldn't refuse……Although now that I'm stood here – petrified – in front of you all – I realise I should have asked for double……or maybe that should be a ‘double’

I have promised that I would keep my speech relatively short today – mainly for the sake of my throat…….if I go on for too long, my wife, Denise, said she would cut it!

So here goes – and as Henry VIII said to each of his wives “I will not keep you very long”

Greetings &amp Welcome

I would like to start off by extending a warm welcome to all of you – the relatives and friends of both families – and especially those of you who have travelled long distances to be here with us today.

I would also like to give a special greeting to the Brides Mum – or as they say in Geordie – ‘Mam’ – whose name is Alex or to give her her ‘Sunday name’ Alexandra and a special greeting to Robert, Christine's Dad, and his partner Judy.

I would like to thank both Alex and Robert very much for inviting us to this wonderful wedding and reception – in this magnificent venue. I know I am speaking on behalf of everybody here when I say that I am sure we will all enjoy the rest of the day very much.

There is also a special welcome for Matthew's Mum – Christine – and her husband Keith and, of course, for my own wife Denise – who has known Matt since he was 9 years old.

Toast to Absent Friends &amp Family
At this point I would like to mention some important people who are not here today to celebrate with us at the home of Christine's favourite football team – Newcstle United.
I will return to the football theme again a little later but as Matthew knows – and many on my side of the family will know – Matt's Granddad – my own father, Bill – was once on Liverpool's books during the early 1950’s.

He is sadly no longer with us having passed away in the year 2000 and I would like us to take a few moments to remember the other family members who, like Bill, are no longer with us. Matt's two Nana's – May &amp Alma, Christine's grandparents – Sandy &amp Lucy and Robert &amp Nora – would all have loved to have been here today to join in Matt &amp Christine's special day and to celebrate with us.

There are also a number of other family members that have not been able to make it here today – in particular – Christine's Uncle Tom and other family members from Scotland Matt's Aunty Susan &amp Uncle Neil, his Aunty Pamela and his Uncle Paul and their families and 2 of his cousins, Katherine &amp Greg Murray

So Ladies &amp Gentlemen, Boys &amp Girls – I would ask you to raise your glasses for our first Toast of today – “ To Absent Family &amp Friends “ [Absent Family &amp Friends]

Welcome The Bride

Before I reminisce about Matthew's childhood – I would like to officially welcome the brand new Mrs Christine Murray – my new daughter-in-law – into our family.

It is the second time that I have had someone important in my life called Christine Murray – and I certainly hope that you do not cause me as much trouble as the first one did!!

I know that it already causes confusion each time I use the name ‘Christine’. However, I cannot bring myself to refer to you by your nickname – ‘Hanners’ – so maybe I should adopt one of your Mam's nicknames for you – the ‘Little ‘un’ or ‘the Bairn’ – although maybe those terms ought now to be reserved for Ryan

Christine – I have to tell you how very beautiful you look today. Don't you agree, Ladies &amp Gentlemen?

I think it is fair to say, if Christine &amp Keith and Denise &amp I had made a wish, we could not have wished for a more perfect partner for Matthew. She is kind and loving and down to earth and absolutely right for him – I have never seen him look so happy. Christine – I can't read the next bit!. She's a lovely person and she deserves a good husband. Matthew is very lucky to have married her before she found one…..…

Christine – it is my great pleasure to officially welcome you into our family and would like you to accept this small gift on behalf of the members of the Murray clan. But just before I give you this gift, let me tell you the little story behind it….…

Many years ago, Matthew returned from a weekend at his mum's house with a new football top – not just any top but probably the worst football top that it is possible to bring into the home of a red hot Liverpool fan [ disclose Man Utd carrier bag ]

No we haven't found the original top – which was used for many years in our house as a dishcloth – but hope you will accept this on behalf of all the Murray side of the family as we welcome you into our team as our brand new signing !!!

Grooms Family Life
I am well qualified to say a few words about Matthew – after all, I have known him for his entire life. In fact – exactly 10,095 days ago today – you were born on exactly the same day as a very famous England &amp Chelsea footballer also came into this world – although I have to say that there was little chance of getting the two of you mixed up as babies …..as his name is Ashley Cole. And he also married a good looking Geordie lass !!
I remember shortly after you were born the midwife turned to me and said &quot He looks just like you Mr Murray&quot – then she realized her mistake and turned you the right way up !!!!
As most of you will know Matt &amp Christine have a shared love of football – they have both played and indeed Matthew still does. He was delighted a few weeks ago when a few on-lookers referred to him being like Beckham………but what he doesn't know is that they meant Victoria!

Some years ago when I was researching my family history, I was scanning photos onto my computer – that I had got from my Dad – when Denise spotted a photograph from the 1920’s and said “Who's that?”
“That's my Granddad” I said “ My Dad's Dad – I never knew him as he died in 1939 when my Dad was only 10”
“Well – Matthew is the spitting image of him – you can definitely see the family resemblance”
And so it is rather fitting that Matthew – who looks so much like my Grandfather – should be getting married here in St James’ Park – because that was my Grandfather's name – James!

And it is fitting that we celebrate this wedding today – of two people who share such a passion for football – in one of English football's great stadiums. There has always been a ‘synergy’ between the two teams that they each support – Newcstle and Liverpool – and many great players have been associated with both clubs – Barry Venison, Terry McDermott. Peter Beardsley, Ian Rush, Graeme Souness, Kevin Keegan, John Barnes, Kenny Dalglish, Craig Bellamy, Michael Owen……in fact Matt's Aunty Diane lives at the bottom of Michael Owen's garden in North Wales.

And talking of John Barnes, it reminds me of the time that my Dad managed to get tickets to take me and Tim &amp Matt for their first visit to Anfield. Now for those who know little or nothing about football, John Barnes was the first ‘black’ footballer to play for Liverpool. Matthew would have been about 9 or 10 years old and of course was absolutely thrilled to be watching Liverpool for the first time but as the teams ran out for the match, he excitedly shouted
“ Granddad! Granddad! You can tell which one is John Barnes !!”
My Dad and I looked at each other in trepidation.
“He's the one wearing number 10!”
Oh – the innocence of childhood!

As you all know, Matthew and Christine have been brought together by their chosen careers in the RAF service where they met at RAF Coningsby before buying a house in Sleaford and then moving to their current home in Downham Market when they were both moved to RAF Fareham.

What you won't know – and I'm sure even Matthew doesn't know – is that there is a family history of military service. My great Uncle Jimmy – on my mother's side – fell at Waterloo – he was rushing to catch the 10.45 to Glasgow !

And Matthew's great grandfather – again on my mother's side – had a connection with the RAF and actually fought with the great Douglas Bader. Unfortunately, it was in the ‘Hare &amp Hounds’ over a woman behind the bar….…

Which brings me nicely on to alcohol – as some of you will know, Matt enjoys a drink or two. Denise and I have nicknamed him the Exorcist – whenever he comes to visit, there are never any spirits left in the house

Seriously though, since Ryan was born in May, he has actually cut down on his alcohol intake…..I think he may have seen the writing on the floor.

While I am on the subject of beer, Matthew has told me that now he is married and also a father, he won't be drinking anymore. The thing is he won't be drinking any less either!

I am not trying to say that he is a big drinker, but the jobs of three brewery workers depend solely on him.

As a baby, Matthew developed quickly and by the age of one he was able to walk the length of the room without falling over, he could drink without spilling it down his shirt and he could even sleep without dribbling onto his bed. Anyone who went on his Stag Night last weekend will know that these are skills that he has subsequently lost.

There is one incident when he was about 16 that caused him huge embarrassment which I would like to relay to you. He was allowed to attend a house party with school friends to celebrate the end of his GCSE exams. Denise and I took a call around 9.30 to say that Matt wasn't very well and would we go to collect him. When we got there he was propped up against the wall looking rather the worse for wear – so we bundled him into the car, got home and I carried him up the stairs in a sort of ‘fireman's lift’ where he was put to bed – still almost comatose. The next morning – when he eventually surfaced – he was horrified when his older step-sister Joanne explained how she had helped to put him to bed the previous evening – and was able to prove it by describing in precise detail the colour and pattern on the boxer shorts that he had woken up in a few minutes before !! It took him a few hours – and a few glasses of water – to realise that Joanne had been primed and he had been set up!

Nevertheless – regardless of his liking for drink – I would like to assure Christine's family that a man like Matthew is hard to find. Last night we had to look in 4 pubs and two wine bars!

Brides Family Life

Mind you, Christine likes a drink too. Apparently there are 80 pubs in Newcstle and Christine proudly claims that there is only one that she hasn't been in. Unfortunately, she can't remember which one it is though.

When they lived in Sleaford, Matthew once said to her, “What do you mean by coming home half drunk?” and Christine replied, “It””s not my fault – I ran out of money.”

Actually, Christine has told me that she started drinking at an early age – and by the age of 14 the landlord of the local pub was giving her beer for a Christmas present.

With 2 older brothers – ‘my Stephen’ and ‘my David’ – she never really pursued so called ‘girlie’ stuff and in the words of her Mam, she was a ‘proper tomboy’. In fact, she hated wearing a dress or skirt and used to leave the house to go to school and change into her ‘trackie’ bottoms when she got round the corner. She had to change back into her skirt for the school photographs so that her Mum &amp Dad wouldn't find out.
In fact, the engagement party in Sleaford at the beginning of November last year was the first time she had worn a dress in years – and she also wore a dress for her Hen Do at Newcstle Races at the end of July.
And talking of the ‘Hen Do’ – along with her gorgeous dress – and her fabulous hairstyle – she had on a lovely pair of high heeled shoes. However…midway through the day, she said to her Mam “ Just look at my feet!!” – which were covered in blisters from her new shoes……and then made an emergency phone call to her Dad to bring her ‘flip flops’ to the racetrack – which she then wore for the rest of the day and her tour of Newcstle's nightspots!!
You will notice, Ladies &amp Gentlemen, that Christine has high heeled shoes on again today so to save her Dad the embarrassing job of going home to pick up her ‘flip flops’ – I would like you to accept these!! disclose Glittery Flip Flops
Mind you, she””s had a hard week leading up to the wedding – not many people know this but she actually had her credit card stolen on Monday – Matthew is not reporting it to the police because whoever nicked it is spending less than Christine!
Her Mum, Alex, was telling me that she remembers one occasion when she was about 7 when she came in from playing outside crying her eyes out and saying that she had hurt her arm when she fell off her bike.

She was inconsolable and fearing the worst, Alex took her off to Casualty where a fractured arm was diagnosed.
“How did it happen?” said the doctor.
“Er…..I fell off me bike” sobbed Christine, looking at her Mam sheepishly.
“Well we'll set it in plaster then” said the doctor, “and you can pick whichever colour plaster you like”.
Now as I've said, Christine was a proper tomboy and was always playing football. You could have knocked her Mam over with a feather when she said that she would have a bright pink plaster cst! And as for ‘falling off the bike’….Christine eventually confessed that she had fallen out of a tree…..and was lucky only to have broken her arm!

In fact she was such a tomboy, that one year – for her birthday – she was allowed to have a 5-a-side football party at the local Sports Centre but she didn't invite any girls to her party – only boys – because the girls wouldn't play football as well as the boys did and so she wouldn't have them on her team.
I have taken the opportunity whilst I have been up here in Newcstle to take a look at some of Christine's family photographs in Alex's old photo albums. It was a very interesting look back at her life but the one picture that really stood out from the others was the striking photograph of Christine lying on the rug, just as nature intended – breaking wind and gurgling at the lens ! What a little poppet she looked kicking her little legs in the air ! YES it was taken on her 18th Birthday !!!
Pieces of Wisdom
Well that's about it. I would just like to finish off – as is established by tradition – by giving Christine &amp Matt a couple of pieces of wisdom and advice as they start out on their married life together. As someone who has been happily married for more than 26 years I feel suitably qualified to be able to offer this advice

OK….26 years is stretching a point – it was actually a 10 year stretch and a 16 year stretch but overall I am happy to record that I have been very happy as a “married man”.
Remember, this advice is free… ..and advice is usually worth exactly what you pay for it!
I thought at first I could get some ideas by looking on the internet to see what others might have said on this very complex subject – marriage.
One quotation that I found said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership – I could not find out who made this statement – but whoever it was – they knew very little about marriage – even less about mathematics – and nothing at all about women.
So 3 pieces of advice first for Matthew :
• Firstly – There is no challenge in your marriage that can't be overcome by you saying one or more of the following simple 3 word phrases :
o I was wrong!
o You were right!
o I am sorry
o I love you!
• Secondly, Matthew … remember these 3 words ……… All ……… Only ……… and Just Treat them with extreme caution as they are gross understatements that you will hear time and time again ,.…
&amp#61607 all you need to do is, ………
&amp#61607 it only costs this much ……… &amp ………
&amp#61607 it will just take 5 minutes. ………
• Thirdly, Matt –
o now that you are married, Christine will always have the last word in any argument – ….anything that you come out with afterwards is, by default, the start of the next argument!
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say….talk in your sleep.

And Matthew, there are two essential things to keep your wife happy. First of all, let her believe she is going to get her own way. Secondly, let her have it !
And a piece of advice for Christine : If you want something from Matt just ask for it. Don””t forget he””s a man and hints don””t work.
Finally, some more serious thoughts for both of you:
• Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction
• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
• Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being a ‘best mate’
• When you are wrong, say I'm sorry. When you are right, say nothing
Happy marriages begin when you marry the one that you love, but marriages blossom and last when you love the one that you marry …….and there's a lot of truth in that.
So back to the happy couple – I now need you to both to participate in my speech – Christine please put your hand on the table – Matt place your hand on top of Christine's – You enjoying that Matt? – remember what it feels like, Matthew – it's the last time that you will have the upper hand in this relationship
And Christine – if you ever hear Matthew brag that he wears the trousers at home, don't forget it was you who told him which pair he could wear!

Being serious for a moment – Matthew and Christine – as long as you maintain the obvious friendship, love and respect that you have for one another, you will be fine.

Cherish and support each other, stay friends and have a long and happy life together.

I would like to end my speech with a few lines of wisdom from Henry Van Dyke.

Time is….…
….Too slow for those who wait,
….Too swift for those who fear,
….Too long for those who grieve,
….Too short for those who rejoice,
………but for those who love…..time is eternity.

Toast to the Bride and Groom

So, Ladies &amp Gentlemen, as I finish off with a toast to Matt &amp Christine would you please make sure that your glasses are charged and would you please rise –

Matthew &amp Christine ……..Here's to the past – for all that it has taught you
Here's to the present – for all that you share
And here's to the future – for all that you can look forward to together

Ladies &amp Gentlemen the Toast is……… ‘Matt &amp Christine – The Bride and Groom’