Speech by Paul Stratford

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Paul Stratford
Speech Date: Sep2004
hello everyone.

I want to start by thanking all of you for joining us here today on caroline and pauls wedding
day. for some of you the offer of free booze was enough. for others the
fear of beverly stratford or scarey bev as shes known amongst my friends
was equally as compelling!

I think Paul knows exactly what I mean – coz he's here today!

Before l go any further, l should introduce myself to those of you who
hopefully thought l looked too young to be Carolines father… l am too young! I'm actually her brother Paul. I won't dwell on the fact our father can't be here today, but l know he would be feeling as proud as l do, so there was no person better suited for todays
role. Caroline has brushed up really well and I am really proud!

As her brother, this hasn't always been the case…

l remember a nickname our dad had for Caroline of Cazzie mojo. l don't
remember her having a hairy hunchback or dodgy teeth but its fair to say whatever
the reason for this name, she obviously grew out of it.

cazzie mojos nickname then developed into something a bit more bizarre… l have some very good friends of hers here to help me explain it. For those of you that can remember these overpriced furry creatures they are Care Bears. However, there was one care bear no-one knew of. A secret care bear. One that lived not with the other care bears in a land called care-a-lot, but infact resided with the Stratford family in Guildford. Yes, Whilst most little girls just want to be princesses, my sister wanted to be called princess care bear – which my friends and I soon worked to our advantage.. By calling her this, we could get her to do all the chores I was supposed to do, whilst my mum was out, including making us tea whilst we sat around laughing.

Just as well then in 1995 when a dodgy haircut by our mum retitled my sister when she restyled Princess Care Bears hair in such a strange way that it actually grew back vertically. This strange sight earned Princess Care Bear the new title of sonic the hedgehog, which I can't and won't forget.

‘Sonic’ as she was now known, began to develop her stubborn streak. A good example of this is when scarey bev taught her how to drive. She had been doing really well, even on main roads and motorways. The fact she did this using just one gear made it even more impressive. When mum suggested using some of the ‘spare’ gears on the gear box Carolines defiant answer was “I don't do 4th gear”. And for a long time she didn't. I think she does now, but reverse gear is still a mystery to her.

Funny enough Paul has a similar stubborn streak to Caroline especially when arguing and remembering the truth …And like Caroline he too has earned many nicknames such as Burkie, BK1, Schumacker but probably more famously the ‘Aquirer’.

Let me explain..
The Aquirer as we know him, has a long history of borrowing things from friends and family, but on a no-return basis. Its more like a long-term storage facility, but Paul doesn't charge for his service. Just as well really, as when you have given up all hope of ever seeing the items again, they turn up in the boot of his car. Damaged, out of fashion, and redundant of any value. Its at this stage that he uses the famous rhetorical “ you gave them to me – don't you remember?”

Well you've got to hand it to the acquirer – today really has to be his best acquisition. Fair and square Paul you have acquired my sister. It leaves me only to say that I don't expect to see her reappear in ten years time in the back of your Ford Sierra — along with my tent, my five star CD's, or anything else I apparently ‘gave’ you.

Seriously though, I've known you for a good 20 odd years and Ive saved a lot of attic space in that time. I can honestly say you are a top friend, a kind bloke and are a valuable asset to our family. And I wish you and Caroline all the happiness in your marriage.

Caroline – I just want to say that when we were growing up, l always thought you were a berk. today you have proved me right, but I really wish you the best of luck in your marriage to Paul – I think you make a great couple … of burks..

Finally – I just wanted to say on behalf of my mother, who's not that scarey anymore, that we welcome not just Paul but his entire family and we look forward to many years of friendship. She especially wanted to thank Sue & Graham and George & Sue for all their generous help.

So now would you please join me and raise your drinks to paul and caroline.

I will let Paul now say a few words as My sisters husband.