Speech by Paul

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Paul
Speech Date: 04/09/2014 21:08:41

Good afternoon everyone.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Paul.  And in case anyone hasn't realised I'm the very proud father of the Bride.

And I'm afraid it's now time for you to listen to my speech.

Well I had to suffer writing this, now it's your turn to suffer. Jean has suffered quite a bit already I can tell you.

Before I start.  The ushers have been instructed that if there is any barracking during the speech those guests will be escorted from the building. 

My Wife, Jean and I would like to sincerely welcome you all here today, and to thank you all for coming and sharing the day with us. I hope you will enjoy the food, and the rest of the day.   I'd like to particularly welcome Malcolm and Rosemary, John's parents of course, and to thank them, and every one else who has helped with the wedding, and for helping us put up the decorations…….

So if any body is injured through falling props or exploding devices it's as much their fault as is it mine.

Anyway we are looking forward to seeing more of Malcolm and Rosemary in the future.

Ah yes while I am on the subject of shifting blame we hope you will enjoy the music.  I don't actually know what sort of music has been selected.  I did remind Jill that there are a few old crocks here …………

Sorry I should have said older crocks…..… eerrm…..older guests … older guests.

When I first heard from Jill that they wanted a steam-punk themed wedding I had little idea what was involved, thinking it must be some kind of new age religion, or annoying punks until they got all steamed up, or something like that.  Well I'm a little wiser now, and for my own part making some of the bits and pieces has been a lot of fun. 

After today I guess we'll have to put it all on e-bay.   Unless anybody wants to make an offer now………..No….And I'll have to shave off this moustache I suppose, which I've come quite attached to over the last few months.   At least it will stop Jean tugging at it while making some silly comment about old fuzzy face.

Don't worry, this speech isn't really that long I just thought it would look more impressive if I printed it in large type.

 One of the pleasures in life is that on this day I get to say a few words about my daughter.  Well she certainly seems to have inherited her mother's imagination and skill for dress making.  You both look lovely, as do all the women on the top table,… as for us men well we look pretty good to.

As a little girl it was always a problem knowing what to buy Jill for Christmas, or for her birthday.   Jill was never into particular toys or fads, she was always more about people than objects.  Always more interested in her friends than Barbie dolls or Lego.  Our sweet little kid that always wanted picky-up.  When we were out walking I sometimes used to sit her on my shoulders. She used to hold on to my head by putting her hands over my eyes so I couldn't see where I was going,,,    When she got older of course she became much more subtle at pulling the wool over my eyes.

Well I'm very proud of my little girl and of the beautiful woman she has become.  I remember seconds after she was born there was a loud noise just outside the delivery room.  She flinched and I thought at least her hearing is good anyway.

In marrying John here today I think her taste in men is good too, and I'm very glad to welcome John as a part of our family.  For years now I have thought of him as being my half son-in-law, and today he becomes my full son-in-law, and I'm very pleased about that….

Of course there is always a down side.  I'm afraid John I am now your official Father-in-law.  But don't’ be too down hearted as I promise to only call you Son when it will cause the maximum embarrassment…………Alright son……..

I must say it's always good having John around.  He is witty and charming of course, and he's also rather good on his I-phone.  Any time I can't remember an actors name or something important.  I just turn to John and ask, what was the name of the most famous tiddlywinks player inManchester?  And the answer comes back in seconds.   In fact I often find myself calling out important questions just like that when they've gone home.  It really is quite annoying to actually have to look things up yourself. 

So I'd like to congratulate John on his choice of bride.   And I'd like to congratulate Jill on her choice of groom.  And I'd like to congratulate them both on their choice of parents in law

As tradition dictates,  If I could just give you both just two pieces of advice about how to make happy marriage.  It's like the way Jean and I do our gardening, cultivate and nurture the flowers and if you can't get rid of the weeds,… frankly just ignore them.   Actually that would be a terrible way to do gardening, but it is I think a good way to live your life.  Like gardening in general, marriage is not an original idea but if you work at it , it will turn out fine.

I have now one final pleasurable responsibility to fulfil

Jill, John.… may your marriage be a truly happy one, and may you have a long and wonderful life together.

So it's my great pleasure to propose the toast,  The Bride and Groom.