Speech by Peter McKeich

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Peter McKeich
Speech Date: Sep2004
(Name of Bride & Groom), ladies & gentlemen, friends, family & honoured guests, (Have I left anyone out?), it is my great pleasure to welcome you all here to day to celebrate with us the happiest day.… of my life. ………
Sorry! That wasn't the wine talking, it was just a cheap joke to help me over my nervousness. Of course I meant the happiest day of my beautiful daughter's life.

I trust that you all enjoyed your meal. (Space for ad lib if appropriate.) And you have your glasses refilled for the toasts.
The choice of menu was, I am aware, not exactly the usual wedding fare and, I must confess, (Name of Bride's mother) and myself were somewhat doubtful about the departure from tradition.
However, we were invited up to Manchester to “discuss” the matter. Little did we know that we were walking into a carefully prepared ambush. We were made comfortable, fed, watered, except that they didn't use water, and before very long we were agreeing to anything.
“ Another gin and tonic Mother?”
In our house a gin and tonic is now referred to as “a weapon of Ma's distraction”.

And it certainly distracted her that day. Any way it seems that it was all worthwhile and that most of you seem to have enjoyed your meal. (Word of praise for the service etc) Andrea and her team have done a great job and deserve a round of applause.

Now, even those of you who don't know me will have worked out by now that I am of Scottish extraction. (Cheers from Scottish contingent).
My wife, (Name), is from N. Ireland. (Cheers from Irish contingent.) That's the cultured side of the family.
And both of our children, (Name of son & daughter), were born and brought up in England. (Cheers from the English).
(Name of Bride & Groom), of course, spent some time in Australia. (Cheers from the Aussies). They've come a long way and deserve a mention.

So, a Scottish father, an Irish mother, born and bred in England, what does that make them? Apart from confused? If we had thought of it at the time we could have given them Welsh names and made them truly British. So today it could have been, “Do you (Name of Groom) take Bronwyn …..em perhaps not.
So it is with great pleasure that I welcome (Name of Groom), our new son-in-law, into the (Family name) family, and to express my pleasure at the merging of our family with that of (Groom's) parents (Name of Groom's parents). I sincerely hope that we will share many happy occasions in the future.
I would like to thank (Name of Groom's parents) for all their help and support during the build up to this day. Your co-operation has been greatly appreciated. Thank you both very much.

The (Groom's surname) family, already a strong combination of Scottish and English, now has a wee dash of Irish to add to the mix.
Prior to us meeting (Groom), the first we realised that there was someone special on the horizon was one Christmas when (Bride) was home for the holiday and mentioned this “friend” from work who was helping her decorate the cottage she was living in. She got a ‘phone call from this “friend” on Christmas day, it didn't sound to us as if she was being asked what colour she wanted the hall doing!
So we began to realise that she wasn't just encouraging this “friend” for his DIY skills, which was just as well as subsequent events have proved.

Then of course came the customary invitation to the parental home for dinner and the once-over! And before we knew where we were they had announced that they were planning to go to Australia together.
And the rest, as they say, ………..is geography.
I have to say though that I was very impressed when (Groom) took the trouble to ask me for permission to marry my daughter.
So what is (Groom) getting for his money? (Apart from my everlasting gratitude)
(Bride), or Daddy's little princess, as she likes to call herself, is a complex character and not an easy person to describe in a few words.
But you expect me to, so, I'll give it a try!

As a child she was an absolute delight. Full of fun and a pleasure to be around. There was never a dull moment.
She has always had a great sense of humour, and is extremely perceptive. Takes after her mother there, she doesn't miss a thing!

One example of this was when she was about 7 or 8 and we were on holiday. We were in Paris, taking a boat trip on the Seine.
We were surrounded by Japanese tourists doing what Japanese tourists usually do. Chattering away in Japanese and photographing everything. Suddenly, one of them immediately behind (Bride) sneezed. It was a “Ha cha” type of sneeze, a bit like a Karate shout. (Bride) turned to her Mum, and brought a smile to the faces of all the English speakers on board when she said, “Mum, they even sneeze in Japanese”

Even when she was young, her artistic side was very evident. (Bride) could play away quite happily for hours provided she had some coloured paper, a pair of scissors, pot of paste and a set of crayons. So it came no surprise when, one day, she asked if she could have 50 pence to take to school to buy a “sticking set”.
No problem, she got her 50 pence and the following day arrived home from school with a jam jar. Inside the jam jar was an insect. An insect that looked like a stick!

A little known fact about (Bride), on no fewer than two separate occasions she has won first prize in local newspaper colouring competitions. Winning a box at the pantomime and a meal at the restaurant of our choice for the whole family.
I bet Michaelangelo's Father couldn't say that!

Then came the teenage years. (Hesitate, sigh). Contrary to popular belief, (Bride) was a model teenager. I still haven't worked out what she was modelled on however. Here again her artistic side was in evidence. I believe that Tracy Emin's unmade bed at the Tate Gallery was inspired by (Bride's) bedroom at home.
She had also developed an interest in Chemistry. At least I assumed that that was the reason behind the green fungus she used to cultivate in teacups in her bedroom.
(Bride) and I did however develop a kind of telepathy between us. I acquired the ability to know exactly what (Bride) was just about to do next. I would say to her “Have you done your homework yet?” She would reply “I'm just going to”.
How could I have possibly known that?
“Have you tidied your bedroom?” “I'm just going to” It never failed.

I didn't hold on to these powers however. They seemed to vanish around about the time of her departure for University. Strangely enough!

A couple of other notable events took place shortly after (Bride), and her brother (Name), left home.
Mansfield Brewery went out of business. And Edwinstowe won the “Best kept Village” award. Now I am not suggesting that these events are connected in any way.
I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I can't possibly do justice to all of the qualities that (Bride) has and will bring to the marriage, but I can assure (Groom) that, being her Mother's daughter, love, loyalty and humour will be the cornerstones of your life together.

Having mentioned the Mother of the bride, (Name of Bride's mother), I would like to thank her for all her hard work in the build up to this day, and especially for not panicking, though Lord knows there were plenty of times when it would have been the most appropriate thing to do. Mothers of the bride often get a bad press. (Bride's mother) has done a great PR job on their behalf. A big hand for (Bride's mother).

I'm now supposed to give the newlyweds some gem of advice to see them blissfully through the years ahead. So here it is. Never go to bed feeling angry with each other.
Stay up and fight! Then go to bed and make up.

Despite being fortunate in having had a long and happy marriage myself as I know a lot of couples in this room have had also, I don't pretend to know “the secret”, although I suspect that it probably has something to do with being sure that you have made the right choice to begin with. Having got that right, all things can be overcome. So if I am right, then the young couple whose marriage we are celebrating here today, having undoubtedly made the right choices are set on the road to a long and happy life together.

I have just one more thing to say before proposing the toast, gleaned from personal experience, “If you want to be happy for a few hours, drink wine” I can see I am preaching to the converted here. “If you want to be happy for a few years, get a puppy.
But if you want to be happy for the rest of your life (pause, & look at married couple)…get an allotment!
L & G, please be upstanding,
To the Bride and Groom.