Speech by Phil Addison

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Phil Addison
Speech Date: oct 2003
BEGINNING

Good afternoon everyone, for those that don't know me, I am P…, the proud father of the bride, and on the other side of the happy couple is O…., her equally delighted mother. Either side of us is Mr & Mrs A………, I.. and J.., the groom's parents. Also here is R…… our son (still up for grabs by the way, girls) and J.. & I..’s daughter E…… (I think I.. may be collecting names of potential suitors there, too). Completing the table is J.… the Best Man, and M….… & S.… the Bridesmaids, with little C.… our Flower Girl.

O.… and I, would sincerely like to welcome today, I.. and J..; and relatives and friends of both families, to this very happy occasion.

We are also very pleased, that H.… has married A….-J.., a very special young man – who likes to be called A-J which is easier for my English tongue. A-J comes from M……… in Holland, which accounts for his height (amongst other things). Apparently Holland produces the tallest people.

Anyway, they're happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together – and I am not the man to dispense advice in public. In fact, according to my children, I'm not the man to dispense advice at all!

And what about the bridesmaids and flower girl? Didn't they look lovely, in the church?

I've been told to keep this speech short so I'm delighted to report that after much editing I have got it down to 40 minutes. No, seriously, 35 minutes should do it. Apart from that my throat could give me trouble if I go on too long – H.… threatened to cut it!

MIDDLE

O.… and I are very pleased for H.… and A-J and they DO seem to be well suited to each other.

H.… travelled far and wide before finding A-J. In fact she went on a round-the-world back-packing trip and got as far as Australia before romance struck. We thought something significant had happened when our daughter, who used to plan everything in advance and never budged from the schedule, sent us an email saying that she decided to stay in the Antipodes for a lot longer than planned.

Well, it transpired that H.… was in a certain Massage Parlour in Australia (what was that? Oh, I stand corrected – it was an Aroma-therapy Massage Class in the backpackers hostel) where she got talking to a tall handsome boy, who turned out to be A-J, and from that point on they hitched up their backpacks and toured Australia and New Zealand together.

A-J must have felt the same about H.… because he came almost directly from his world tour to be with her in England. Actually, he insists that he was coming to England to find work anyway, and in that he has been successful, finding a good job in Environmental Engineering. He is responsible for clearing up the contaminated ground left by gas and chemical works; though I gather that his enthusiasm does not extend to gardening chores!

We are sure H.… will be in good hands with A-J – well, with their massage training she should be. I'm told it takes a lot of practice to be give a good massage, so I suppose they are quite expert by now!

Last time I had to give a wedding speech was nearly 40 years ago, and that was at my own wedding, yes – to O…., and by the time we celebrate our Ruby wedding next year, H.… & A-J will be approaching their First Anniversary. No doubt they will then look back on today and say "I can't remember much about that, can you?" Fortunately in these high tech days we have a video record of the proceedings, so they will actually be saying "What on earth was Dad on about in that speech?".

At this point I am supposed to recall some excruciatingly embarrassing memory of our sweet daughter, and there is no shortage of material there,… but I have been threatened with dire consequences if I mention that time she and S.… came back from the fields plastered in mud, or of them riding round the block on the back of Eddie's motor-bike. Mind you, they were only 8 at the time so perhaps that doesn't count.

I said earlier that H.… was very methodical and a good time-keeper, but to look at her now you wouldn't believe she managed to arrive in this world 6 WEEKS early, weighing-in at a mere 3 3/4 pounds (or 1.7 kilos).

Now, what about A-J? I don't have any embarrassing tales about him… YET, but I do know he is a thoughtful, conscientious and hard-working chap who deserves to succeed. He is also a Life Guard and trained scuba-diver – so H…., those hours watching Bay Watch obviously were not wasted!

END

Anyway, I would like to finish off, by giving a few words of wisdom, to the newly weds.

Never go to bed on an argument – stay up and fight.

A-J : Consider the words of Oscar Wilde, "Women are meant to be loved, not understood". Marriage will bring to you many things; Loyalty, self restraint, obedience, and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldn't need had you remained single.

Now that you are married, H.… will always have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards is by default, the start of a new argument! Remember, when you buy her flowers, it PROVES you're guilty. (but or course, beware the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers!).

Put the seat down after you. And remember those two invaluable words "Yes Dear", but I think you have already learnt them.

Today, you may consider your wedding day to be the best day of your lives. But that's only today. There will be even better times to come.

I want to wish you a very happy marriage, and I hope you have a great honeymoon, which you will find is that period between ‘I will’ and ‘You'd better’.

Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding. I propose a toast… to the bride and groom, H.… and A….-J.. A………! May they have a long and happy life together.