Speech by Phil Stimpson

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Phil Stimpson
Speech Date: Jun 2009
My name is Phil Stimpson. On behalf of myself, my wife Delia you're my best friend, and Sam's parents Nick and Keifer may I welcome you all to the wedding reception for Sam and Ellie Bransden. You have all played some part, however small in the lives of Sam and Ellie and I know that your presence here is important to them

Although it evokes a touch of sadness, I cannot let this moment pass without mentioning those family loved ones who cannot be with us here today.
I am also aware that there are other guests here whose day is also tinged with sadness for the loss of a loved one. How they all would have loved to be part of today's celebration It was Sir Winston Churchill who said:
There are two things more difficult than making a speech:- Kissing a girl who is leaning away from you and climbing a wall which is leaning toward you! I have a feeling that making this speech, might be like trying to do both at the same time. So I'm under pressure but don't stop me now.
To find out how to cover the essentials for a Father of the Bride speech I did what everyone else does these days. I cheated and plagiarised the internet.
Apparently The Father of the Bride has 4 areas to cover in his speech:
1 To welcome everyone here to this fine occasion
2 To say a few words about the bride in a loving and balanced way
3 to give some words of advice to the happy couple about this crazy little thing called love and
4 finally to give the first of the toasts to Sam and Ellie
My name is Phil Stimpson. Although this is only a slightly unusual variant of a common surname, for some reason people have great difficulty with it. I often finish up having to say it three times, then spell it – TWICE! To avoid this hassle I tend to slur it a bit and people can cope quite happily with Simpson. I suspect that Sammer suffers similarly, as when Ellie first brought him home I got the impression that his surname was Branson. Also his family worked in the Virgin organisation. Funny, I thought, I've heard that combination before. Branson, Virgin, trains planes and hot air balloons, even my email account. Ellie may have made quite a good catch there! And so it has proven Returning to Ellies childhood I'll regale you with my own personal version of the film Groundhog Day – Bicycle Girl. Those of you that know me know that I'm absolute rubbish with things mechanical. Bolts that won't shift, things that would break rather than give a little, and when you're taking something apart and trying to reassemble it there's always a vital looking bit left over at the end which I have no idea of where it fitted in. So every Sunday morning the only day we got a chance for a lie-in was devoted to fixing Ellie's bike. Either the chain needed tightening, or a link replacing, or the tyre was flat and needed pumping up or a puncture repair. So I would spend an hour and a half wrestling with it and finally get it fixed. Ellie would then get on and ride it – FOR A WHOLE 5 MINUTES! And that was it until the next Sunday, when the whole process would be repeated and I would bite my tongue and suffer in silence as fathers do. Sam is a star at fixing things like this, so I know who to call when my bike needs attention!
Eleanor's qualities include a strong sense of right and wrong. One of her phrases – &quotit's not fair&quot. She first uttered this about 4 years old when she discovered that her sister 4 years older was getting more pocket money than her. The other favourite phrase – &quotare we nearly there yet?&quot demonstrates her levels of patience, which again seems to be one of Sam's excellent qualities. More recently, her keynote phrase seems to be &quotdoes my xxx look big in this?&quot Not fat-bottomed girls here, but it could be any part of the body – ear lobe, left elbow, little toe today obviously it's the fourth finger on the left hand! Woe betide you if you even hesitated before saying no, as she would strop off in a huff and ask another dozen people until she got the answer she wanted to hear. Anyway, today I have to answer truthfully, so yes, Eleanor, it does look big in this, and what IT IS is your shining personality, for you are indeed one who has that enviable and rare quality of being able to mix and get on with everyone you meet.
Another of Ellie's excellent qualities is serendipity – the art of fortunate things happening at the most opportune moment. She is able to bag cheap flights to exotic destinations at a moment's notice. Even on this occasion today on Friday not quite the 13th.
As a child she was very outgoing, adventurous and eager to take risks. Now she is much more cautious and if she sees a rabbit or pheasant on the road ahead she takes avoiding action even when it's still a hundred yards away. If you have never witnessed St Vitus” dance – see Ellie in the vicinity of a wasp.

The path of life that we had planned for Ellie was – do well at school – go to College – then University to get a degree in something interesting. But Ellie was always cussedly obstinate and if you tried to telling her what to do she'd do the exact opposite. So she did reasonably well at school, then left to get a job and travel. After a year or so she decided that she had to go to 6th form college to get some A levels. After that, more short term jobs and travel. I thought she was just trying to put off the evil day when she had to knuckle down to a proper job, but I was wrong as she has always worked very hard and been dedicated to any task she was set. Her thirst for knowledge increased as she met up with other young men and decided she needed to speak whatever language happened to be their native tongue. She finally decided to go to University at Brighton, liked it so much and stayed on to work in the area afterwards where she met up with Sam.

A marriage certificate is very much like a blank lottery ticket. It carries the anticipation of a rosy future, which I hope pans out for Ellie and Sam. Talking of which, you see that you each have a complimentary lottery scratchcard in front of you. Sam is delaying his honeymoon until tomorrow in case somebody strikes it lucky, when they'll be after you for a contribution to this splendid occasion!

I would like to give special thanks to my wife Delia for seeing Ellie through all the panic attacks, to my daughter Faye who is brilliant at presentation and organising the important little bits, to her partner Danny for the forthcoming musical entertainment where they will rock you, Sue and Kate for the magnificent floral arrangements and to my brother in law Peter for his unstinting dedication and efforts in tracking down and sampling the wines for today's event. Tonight is also a special occasion for me as well, as it is the first time I will be going to bed with somebody's mother in law!

In this speech, I've concentrated on the first two items on the agenda, so we're about half way through. The remainder is mercifully short, you'll be pleased to hear. I was struggling to come up with some sensible advice for a couple who've been together for 2 years, and suddenly had a eureka moment in a flash of inspiration last night. In fact my advice to Sam can be delivered in 8 words in 5 seconds and will last, I hope, for some decades: here's a man – still working – for your smile.
Now and it's my proud privilege to propose the toast to the Newlyweds, whose love wants to live forever. So I call upon you to raise your glasses to Sam and Ellie. To Sam and Ellie.
Thank you. Before I call upon Sam to propose a toast, the eagle-eared of you may have noticed some quirky bits shoehorned into the speech. Two minutes before I was to start, I was challenged to incorporate as many Queen song titles as I could into it. I think I can claim 9, so the charity Hearing Dogs for the Deaf will receive a suitable donation.

Phil Stimpson