Speech by Richard Clements

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Richard Clements
Speech Date: 29/12/2013 12:32:37

 Speech by Bride's Father – Wedding of Leah Clements & David Armstrong

 Doesn't Leah look beautiful?!  And isn't David a brilliant Groom? …….Good afternoon everybody, I am the bride's father Richard, and speaking on behalf of myself, my wife Judith and David's parents Tim and Trish, we are delighted to welcome you all here today….… and of course to take all the credit for producing such a wonderful couple.

I hope you like our barn? It's a Tythe Barn from the 16th Century. ‘Tythe’ is the old English for ‘tenth’ – a reference to the tax taken by the Landlord from the villagers. And we like to maintain traditions around here, so I'll be sending the ushers around shortly to collect your donations.

I also hope you liked the church? By the way, The ‘Dance of the blessed spirits’ was played by Judith's sister Sandra with Tog accompanying on the organ and  Sandra played exactly the same at our own wedding, when she was just… 11 years old….(Now say ‘Aaahhh…) Thanks to you both.

My first duty is to thank you all for coming to celebrate this special occasion with us. You are, how can I put this politely, well, you are a pretty mixed bunch of people! But I mean that in the best possible way and it is a testimony to Leah and David's rich and varied lives so far, that they know and love such a lovely group of people.

 Let me tell you a little more about their lives and the memories you have given us ………..

Although Leah was born in England, she was made in Japan and like all things made in Japan, she is high quality and very reliable. I know she will retain her value for a long time to come – and David that doesn't mean you can ever trade her in for a new model!

First on the list of people she met was of course her immediate relatives many of whom are here today. Grandmother Mollie, Uncles and Aunts Rog and Sue, Sandra and Tog, cousins Peter, Diana, Graham, Tasha and Oscar. There are also some very close family friends here –  second parents Jackie and Peter, and many others thank you all for coming along.

Special mention must be made of Leah's brother Jay with his wife Gill and their new son Ethan – my first Grandchild! Gill is one of the bridesmaids of course. You may have noticed how many of the bridesmaids have just sprouted their first children or are about to do so? A 50% success rate.

Back to memories and what memories Leah and Jay have given us. One from their early school days, travelling in the back of the car, when her Mum screamed into the rear-view mirror… ‘Leah, stop hitting Jay’ …and Leah replied ‘I didn't hit him – I missed him that time! But Jay got his revenge in the garden later, standing by the watering tap ‘hey Leah, listen to the end of that hosepipe, you can hear the sea!'(mime the hosepipe to the ear and turning a tap on).

On David's side, from France there's his folks Tim and Trish, sister – and Bridesmaid – Sarah, Aunt Sarah, cousins Ellie and Molly –and there are many more relatives from London, Scotland and Australia – welcome to you all.

There are some missings from the list of relatives on both sides. Out of sight but not out of mind, we wish them all well.

Next on the list for Leah and David's memories are their school-friends. Leah went through school in Surrey, Hong Kong, KL and Singapore and we are delighted to see many of her friends made during those years here today, especially Gemma from Surrey. Leah, when you said Gemma is your ‘longest-standing friend’, did you mean she never drinks quite as much as the others?

From their days at United World College in Singapore, both Leah and David have many friends here who have come from many countries, including Singapore itself, Australia, the Maldives, Israel, Poland, Holland, Austria and from around the UK including especially London and Bristol. Thank you all for coming today.

There are at least 4 of Leah's friends from UWC who are missing from here today – Leah's ‘boys’ George, Tim, Kaiesh and Zal. The story goes that they would take her downtown on a Friday night. We used to think of them a bit like ‘Bouncers’… It was always good to know that these boys would be looking after her, yeah, right, more like holding her up on the way back home!

Although Leah and David never dated in Singapore, their two families knew each other there. Judith actually sat on the same school PA as Trish….and we share many friends and memories from those days. There is one contingent here we know and love in particular which might be even larger than our own immediate families – and they of course are the Cooks – Janie Cook being another member of the UWC PA – thanks for bringing such a full team with you here today, Janey, we actually do have a lot of clearing up to do

And so to University. Some of Leah's friends from Salford are here and on David's side from Uni there's two mates from a variety of bands. Finally, some of Leah's colleagues are here from the London fire service and for David – well there is his boss and his current Band mates from the Soul Collective – we will enjoy them later!

So as I said before, you are a mixed, sorry, a rich rainbow of relatives and friends, characters and memories. When Leah and David sent me notes about you all, their emails were laced with warm words, such as ‘known them since I was 2′ and ‘they're like second parents to me’ and, don't tell everybody I dated ‘em!!!

And Leah you yourself are a rich rainbow of characters and memories for your Mum and me. We remember when you were lying on a rug, dribbling and pointing at the camera lens. What a treasure you looked trying to stand up on those little wobbly legs, yes, we'll never forget your 21st birthday!!

Then we remember Chirpy the Blackbird, rescued from certain death after falling from her nest; Millie the cat, rescued from Uncle Chris and saved from a journey from Ascot to Chippenham only to be flown to Hong Kong, KL and Singapore; and we remember our beloved Sally Wood-Rabbit; the times Judith picked you up from playing with your friends to be met by a herd of girls pretending to be dogs, wearing tights on their heads and barking – with you as ring-leader of course; we remember the time at Diana and Graeme's wedding when you danced on my feet all night

We remember life in Clearwater Bay and your first boy-friend there; the scary snakes in our garden in KL and the hours you took to match Jay's feat of 100 jumps on the Pogo stick; our visits to Pangkor island with the Tucks, and the leeches there; We remember your teenage years in Singapore, yes with tantrums but mainly with fun, including our collection of pets, which numbered 16 at its peak; we remember how your Christmas present list always ended with the plea….’and a pony’ and indeed that continues to this day

We remember how you developed and perfected the ‘Leah Look’ (watch out for that one David). We remember your determination to do well in your final exams and annoyance at how little work Jay did to achieve a similar result; We remember the nickname they gave you at uni because you had spent so long in the tropics, what was it? Jungle girl?

We remember ‘shot gunning’ drinks after Christmas in Walton and censoring the film of our subsequent dancing performance; And we have seen your rapid progress at the Fire Service and achievements with the big investigation, and planning for the Olympic Games – and oh, you even got to the Palace garden party last week, was it you who nudged the Duke in the stomach

And of course we remember your meeting David. Now how did that go exactly? You needed to leave a house-share right away and didn't know what to do and David just happened to hear about your predicament on the grape vine. What did he say exactly? ‘Leah, you can come and live with me if you like’? (Turn to David, pause, hmmm, smooooth David, smooth)

And David you have so many other qualities, I did have a long list somewhere but sorry I couldn't read your handwriting….

David I am delighted that Leah chose you to marry. You're kind, calm and abundantly tolerant. You are a devoted fan of Michael Jackson and very conveniently for us all tonight, you are also a member of a terrific band. I am proud to welcome you to our family.

You look incredible Leah. Your Mum and I have watched you develop from a beautiful baby into a beautiful woman, from a determined kid to an even more determined grown-up.  You are a loving little lady, unbendingly loyal to your family and a worthy inheritor of your Mum's traits, personality and good looks. We look forward to grandchildren (no pressure) and many more happy days of laughter and fun with you and with David.

It is traditional at this stage for me to offer some wisdom, and advice on how Leah & David should conduct their marriage, so here goes….

David, It's been said that a man is not complete until he is married and when he is married, he's well and truly finished

Also, just remember that a man who gives in when he is WRONG is a WISE man. But a man who gives in when he is RIGHT, is married!

Leah (and these are repeats from Jay's wedding with Gill) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong; A perfect wife is a wife who helps the husband with the dishes

Before I propose the toast, I know the Groom will be thanking the people who have contributed so much to make today happen but I do also have some thanks of my own to extend…firstly to Tim and Trish, who amongst other things purchased and delivered all the wines and bubbly from France, also to Jay and Gill for the flowers today and thirdly to my PA Samantha who has been working feverishly behind the scenes to co-ordinate the catering staff – many thanks to you too.

Leah and David – bless you both; we hope you live as long as you wish and have all that you need as long as you live; we hope your joy will last for ever and that all your pain is champagne

Ladies & Gentlemen, I am delighted to propose the first toast to the happy couple. Would you please stand and raise your glasses with me? Here's to… The Bride and Groom.