Speech by Rodney Sharpe

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Rodney Sharpe
Speech Date: Apr2004
Good afternoon everyone, for those of you that don't know me my name is Rod and I'm Victoria's dad, and in keeping with tradition, it is my honour and privilege to deliver the ‘Father of the Bride Speech’.

Before I start, a health and safety warning – the hotel management have asked that none of you get up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation.

Seriously; I've been told to keep this speech short so I'm delighted to report that after much editing I have got it down to about 40 minutes.
Weddings are a marvellous excuse for a big party, and today is no exception. We have a lot of people here today – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends… and a couple of people I actually know – on behalf of Kathryn and myself, I extend a warm welcome to Victoria and Cameron's wedding celebration.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Kathryn for not only being organiser of this event, also for being a tolerant wife and; most importantly an outstanding mother and the guiding influence in the upbringing of Victoria, culminating in today's celebrations.
I'd like to raise my glass to you Kathryn in a private toast, “To the present Mrs. Sharpe (drinks) (aside).… That should keep her on her toes!

Victoria and Cameron had a few problems with the seating plan. As father of the bride, stepped in to help.
I decided to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back from there. So if they can hear me at the back, Allen and Jean …thank you for the lovely oven glove.

The last speech I made was at our wedding 134 years ago.
Kathryn and I were so naive we sat up all night waiting for our sexual relations to arrive;-mind you Kathryn still thinks Cunnilingus is the Irish Air Line!

It is traditional for the Brides father to offer some worldly thoughts and advice about marriage, and during the last 134 years I've learned a few things about it,
So firstly for Cameron…

Cameron, we are delighted to welcome you into the family. By now you must be wondering what on earth you let yourself in for. I want you to know that Kathryn and I took to you instantly.

You are a kind, considerate, man who deserves a good wife.
Thank goodness you married Victoria before you found one!
Only kidding!

When Cameron asked my permission for Victorias hand in marriage I asked if he would be able to support a family.
His answer was no! He could only support our daughter.
Kathryn, Ken and I would have to look after ourselves.

I asked Cameron what he was looking for in marriage.
He said love, happiness and eventually, perhaps, if all goes well…get the Corvette resprayed.

I asked Victoria the same question and she said she would like a coffee percolator. She actually said a perky copulator, but I knew what she meant.

Cameron – the only real advice I can offer. If you want Victoria to pay attention and listen to your every word – talk in your sleep
Now some words of wisdom for my lovely Victoria.

From the moment Victoria was born…head first into a bedpan, she has brightened our lives. She never has learnt to switch off the lights!
When Victoria and Cameron stood together earlier and she spoke those magic words “I Do” it was probably the only time in her life that she's agreed to do something without question.

Don't get me wrong, Victoria has a long list of wonderful qualities but I cant quit decipher her handwriting look when it comes to talking about Victoria's good points, the list is endless She's intelligent, generous, hard working and popular – she's her father's daughter all right!

I do have some minor concerns with Victorias cooking skills -she is the only person I know who uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

Kathryn and I are very proud of both of our Kids but especially proud today to see Victoria looking so beautiful on this celebration day. Anyone who knows my daughter – and I assume that's all of you here, unless you're gate-crashing (in which case, pay attention) – knows she is quite simply, one in a million. This, by my reckoning means there's only another 20 or so like her in Australia. So, any single guys out there get your skates on and try and track one down for yourself.

I have to say that Victoria and Cameron are extremely well suited, aren't they? They're happy and love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together. It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Whoever said that knew nothing about women…and even less about fractions.

While everything seems to have gone very smoothly there have been a couple of minor problems with the Honeymoon arrangements – luckily we managed to get a last minute bargain
A Honeymooner special 4 days and 10 nights.

I started writing this speech about a month ago and I expect some of you feel I have been delivering it for just as long.

So, approaching the toast, ladies and gentlemen, please stand and make sure your glasses are fully charged…mine is being charged to Visa…
Ladies & gentlemen please raise your glasses.

The toast is…Victoria & Cameron, Bride and Groom