Speech by Steve Miller

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Steve Miller
Speech Date: 11/12/2012 13:13:49

Welcome Ladies and Gentleman. As the father of the bride I have the dubious pleasure of making the first speech – I am the warm-up act for the star performers – the Groom and Best Man, Nick and Ken.

I am actually very nervous about giving my speech. I have had the pleasure of witnessing some brilliant ‘Father of the Bride’ speeches by Phil, Rob and Mickey, so I have a lot to live up to.  I also get very emotional and if get through this without blubbing, it will be a miracle!! I may need some help!!

I really wanted to memorise this speech, but it's not easy when you have the memory retention of a geriatric Goldfish!!  . . . My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be…My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be!!

Firstly, I'd like to welcome and thank all of you for being here today, especially those of you who, knowing that I'd be saying a few words, still decided to come, it's very touching! Clare was worried that some of you would not want or be able to come so she sent out far more invitations than we had planned, relying on the law of averages that a percentage of the invitees would decline. However it was worrying when all the acceptances were returned so quickly, I soon realised that you thought ‘A free do on Steve, yep we'll definitely come!!’

Seriously though, I can't tell you how much it means to have all of you here to share in Clare and Nick's special day. Every one of you has played some part, however small, in their lives and your presence is important to them. So important, in fact, that in the run-up to today Clare and Nick had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn't decide who to seat where. So as father of the bride, I offered to step in and help work something out. What we finally decided was to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back from there. So if they can hear me at the back over there, thank you to Mike and Trish…for the oven glove…(Oh! and Nick says, “Can he have the other one for their first anniversary?”).

Extra special thanks must go to Joanna, who has travelled all the way from Las Vegas, Tim from New York and Aneke from Munich. Thank you so much for being here.

Before I go any further I hope you have enjoyed the wonderful wedding breakfast. I think Sally and her team from Vanilla Catering have done an amazing job. Also to Bridget and the girls for playing so beautifully, you've really made the day extra special.

I must also thank my old mate thank Steve Farrell for taking all the photographs, if I don't, he'll never forgive me, so, thank you Steve, I'm sure you'll be able to produce a half decent image of me once you've given me the Photo Shop treatment!! Well, I hope so!

Over the last 28 years I've had the privilege of watching Clare blossom from a gorgeous little baby girl to an independent, opinionated teenager and on into the beautiful woman we see before us today – mind you she's still independent and opinionated!

Clare is a Gemini!!…whose birth sign is depicted as Twins! So, Nick, you've not married one woman but two!! You've got Mrs Nice and Mrs Nasty!! . . .be warned, I hope you manage to develop the skill in knowing which one you're having to deal with as I never have!!

I won't embarrass her by recounting any one particular story but there have been many situations where she's changed without warning, most notably on our annual Christmas shopping trips and motorcycle rides, which have been very eventful!

When I gave thought to what I might say about Clare I couldn't think. I mentioned this to Clare and worried that I might embarrass her, she said, Dad it's simple; we're so alike, just talk about yourself!! . . . Which as those of you who know me, is not difficult!!!  But, she said, don't say anything horrible or try to be funny . . . . Well these will have to go!! (START THROWING SHEETS OF PAPER AWAY!).

. . . .She said just say soppy things

So searching for inspiration, I decided to look through some old photos of Clare. I got all sentimental and tears welled up in my eyes as one picture stood out. It was the striking pose of our precious daughter lying on the rug, dribbling, mouthing the word Daddy, as she reached out to the camera lens. What a treasure she looked trying to stand up on those little wobbly legs……..… We'll never forget her 18th birthday!!!

She really has grown up quickly – it doesn't seem long ago that she was running around our garden in Waterlooville with no knickers on, peeing on the flowers and eating mud…….thankfully she has stopped eating the mud!!

It's actually a wonder that Clare is here in one piece as she often reminds me that over the years I have inflicted injury on her!! She's fallen in to my toolbox from the worktop when I turned my back, broke her finger sledging with me and I dropped a chair through the loft hatch onto her head, requiring it to be stitched!

I'm just relieved that Social Services weren't quite so inquisitive to life's little accidents back in those days!!

I apologise Clare for all the scars that I given you!

She is also a big worrier and I've had to reassure on many occasions that a speck of dust that may have floated from the air and into her mouth wouldn't kill her. Or that if she looks at a light bulb for a nano second that she wouldn't go blind. Furthermore, she always tests food on me before eating it herself so that we can be ill together!! . . . .How thoughtful of her!

Seriously, Clare and I are very close, although we do clash, just ask our work colleagues!!

She likes doing things with me and one of her ambitions is for us to run The London Marathon . . . I think we've left it a bit late as I'm not sure that I've got another one left in me, so I keep putting her off!

However, last year we undertook an equally gruelling challenge when we completed Alfred Wainwright's Coast to Coast walk across The North of England from St. Bees Head, over 200miles, across the Lake District, The Yorkshire Dales and The North Yorkshire Moors to Robin Hoods Bay. It was a fantastic experience being able to share it with your daughter, although spending 14 days alone with Clare was, at times, more challenging than scaling the peaks!!

I recently revisited St Bees but unfortunately Clare could not come with me, much to her disappointment, so I brought her back a present.  PEBBLES. . These will mean nothing to any of you except Clare and me.

Clare has always dreamed of the day when she would find and marry the perfect man (I did tell her that unfortunately that couldn't happen as her Mum had beaten her to it!).

She had boyfriends before Nick . . . all of them what a parent might refer to as ‘What on earth does she see in him’!!  Now the last thing you can do is interfere and give an honest opinion of your daughter's boyfriends!  Clare would often ask why we didn't invite any of them to dinner. It was a real test for us to come up with new and original excuses!! What a relief when she introduced us to Nick, someone who we could see straight away was normal!! (Apart from supporting Watford!!) . . .we thought if she gets bored with him we'll do all we can to keep him interested so that she doesn't find another ‘What does she see in him’ boyfriend!!

It cost us a fortune in food, we offered Nick the best roast dinners, Ann's famous Lasagnes and Chilli's, together with cooked breakfasts just to ensure that he'd stay interested in Clare. I'm glad to say that it worked and as their relationship developed, we could pull back on meals and the strain being put on our culinary skills!!

They now have pet names for each other, Bubba and Sweet. I'm not sure why, but I think that because of his love of food that Nick thinks that it's really Bubble and Squeak!!

I hope that they won't mind me saying but Clare and Nick actually met through an online dating site, ‘Match.Com. Their first date was unusual. Nick was late, but brought Clare a cream egg as a peace offering!! Clare thought that he smoked dope because his eyes were red; in reality he was having problems with his contact lenses! Then, when in the loo, Clare dropped her phone into the toilet! At that point, she thought it was an omen and that her new found relationship had ‘Gone down the pan!!

However, they started seeing each other regularly and early on Clare knew that Nick was the man for her.  As time passed and their relationship grew she often wondered whether Nick would pop the question and propose.

Being the impatient girl that she is, she grew more frustrated as the months went by. Nick took Clare to Las Vegas and she was convinced it was his opportunity to ask, but no. Then to Paris on Valentine's Day, surely this was it, but again, no. Cool hand Nick left it to one bank holiday weekend when they went down to Lyme Regis. Sitting on the cliffs, overlooking the sea, Nick popped the question, over a pork pie and some Branston Pickle . . . . What a romantic!!

Ann and I were sitting in our garden when Clare and Nick arrived back home. Clare rushed in to tell us the news with complete elation!! However, she couldn't understand my reaction when I said ‘Ok, that's good’. She had a right go at me and did that woman thing when they go all quiet! I explained to her that after being questioned by her for months and months as to why he hadn't proposed and knowing he inevitability would, in his own time, it was no great surprise! I then turned to Nick and asked if he wanted a beer!! A beer! Clare exclaimed!, we need Champagne!! Well, I didn't think it was necessary but I cracked open a bottle just to keep her quiet!!

Nick, I admire your resolve and the manner in which you handled the whole affair, it was brilliant.

Little did I know however, that the preamble leading up to the engagement would be nothing compared to the organisation of the wedding. For the last 18 months I've been bombarded on a daily basis for my opinion on wedding things! Now don't get me wrong, but like most men, what do I know? We just show up for the beer!! I think I'd have had fewer decisions to make organising the Olympic Games!!

I'm only kidding, Clare is a fantastic organiser (beware Nick!!) and to her credit she's been magnificent in organising today. She and Ann, together with a little help from friends have sorted out every last detail for the wedding.  All I've had to do was pay up, turn up and say a few words. Easy eh?

Now it's customary on these occasions to offer the happy couple some worldly advice on marriage, I am not an expert but I will share some of my thoughts with you.

They say a Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished

A great philosopher once said, a man who gives in when he's wrong is a wise man: A man who gives in when he's right.… is married!

Clare will always have the last word in any argument – Nick, any words spoken by you afterwards are, by default, the start of the next argument!

My best advice for you Nick is to make the most of the honeymoon period. For those of you who don't know when this is, it's the period between “I do” and “You'd better”.

Nick, housework won't kill you but I say, why take a chance…

Clare, Nick will drive you mad, he's an engineer, he takes great care and is very precise in what he does, he takes his time!! . . I've never seen anyone butter toast with such precision!! He's slow, and deliberate, he thinks deeply! He's a real diplomat and peacemaker; he only sits on the fence so as not to upset you!

Clare when you want something from Nick, just ask for it – don't forget he's a man, hints don't work!!

Nick, Clare is a nightmare!! . . . Whirling dervish does not begin to describe what she's like!!  If they didn't name the Caribbean hurricanes in alphabetical order after boys and girls names, they'd all be called Hurricane Clare!!! Oh and by the way Nick, GET OFF THAT FENCE occasionally, upset her; she'll get over it!! . . . . Also the splinters must be killing you!!

Success in marriage is not about finding a person that you can live with… It's about finding the person that you can't live without..

Being Olympic year I thought I would relate marriage to the Olympics – This is a marathon and not a Sprint, with plenty of Hurdles along the way, but as long as you strive and work as a team you will go the distance to reach silver, gold and beyond!

Now I believe it is customary to spend a few minutes bragging on the qualities of our new son in law. Nick, I have 3 pages of notes here but I'm sorry… I can't read your writing…

Nick is a very respectable lad and I'm pleased to welcome him as a Son-in-law, although I will leave judgement on just how pleased I am until after the best man Ken has spoken and revealed the bits I don't know about!!

Today's celebrations are the culmination of Nick and Clare's courtship. Clare has met someone who has made her happy, happy enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him. And when I looked at her getting ready, doing all the stuff women do when they are on an important mission, I realise just how happy she is and just how much this day means to her… I realise that this is what we all hope for as parents… To see our children happy, settled and making a life for themselves. Clare has always wanted to find her knight in shining armour and she definitely has in Nick.. As I said earlier of Clare's previous boyfriends, we used to ask ourselves ‘what does she see in him’. Well, Ann and I are delighted to say ‘we can definitely see what Clare sees in you’ and that you will be caring for our hero!

Today, Clare traditionally relinquishes her surname and takes the name of her new husband to become Clare Freeman.  Nick may not realise it but he too will relinquish his name today, as he will no longer be ‘A Free Man’!!

Earlier this year we were lucky enough to welcome Rachael into our family when she married our son Robert. She has become an essential part of the Miller family. Now Nick joins us and we would like to assure them both that there may be “in-law” on the back of son and daughter, but for us there is no distinction, they are real family.

It is now my duty and great pleasure to formally welcome Nick into our family. I say ‘formally’, because he's already made himself at home with us and to all intents and purposes has long been in the family – and if I can court danger for one more moment,  Nick, now that you're actually married to Clare, you're are well and truly in it.

 I would also like to welcome Joan, Roger, Tony, Sylv and your respective children into the family, you are all lovely people.

So, finally, for those of you that are still awake, please be upstanding and join me in toasting the bride and groom, Clare and Nick.