Speech by Stuart Waddington

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Stuart Waddington
Speech Date: Oct 2001
Ladies & Gentlemen –
I am only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat – apparently, if I go on for too long, Suzanne has threatened to cut it!
I'd like to apologise in advance for any misdemeanors that may happen today, not that I've said or done anything wrong yet, but that apology at least gives me some scope….…
First of all it is my very pleasant duty to welcome you all here today – Marion and Robin Sr., Robin's parents, thank you both for your help and support and all relatives and friends. Thank you all for being here at this very special and happy occasion to help us celebrate the marriage of Suzanne and Robin. There are also some people we wish could have been here but hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar.
I would also like to thank Jim Roy for the beautiful service and his boss for providing such excellent weather for the photographs. My thanks also to Phil and his staff here at Fenwick Hotel – I am confident they will help to make this a day to remember. A special thanks to Samantha, who designed and produced all the wedding stationery, delighted us with her singing in the church and for her and Cameron's hard work and support for Annette throughout.
One of the best things about being a man is that weddings seem to organise themselves – and more so for me, being several thousand miles away. Clearly events like today's don't just happen. They take a considerable amount of hard work and organisation and it would seem an appropriate point for me to ask you all to join me in a toast to Annette whose constant hard work and organisational skill has made this the celebration that it is.
To Annette
On the way over here from the church, while you were all looking forward to a few drinks and a good meal, all I could think about was getting up to make this speech. It's amazing what you think about when you are worried! I stared at the cats eyes in the middle of the road and remembered about how they were invented – apparently the inventor was driving in the blackout during the war and saw a cat coming towards him in the dark, its eyes glowing in the headlights, and the idea came to him in a flash. If the cat had been walking away from him I suppose he would have invented the pencil sharpener!!
Seriously though, we are very proud to have such a beautiful daughter as Suzanne – the blushing bride – and I must congratulate Robin on his perception, he is a very special young man. He has been a part of the family for some time now but I would like to formally welcome him to the clan.
It is the Best Man's privilege to reveal some ‘facts’ about the Groom and I think Michael will also take this opportunity to do the same about his sister! However I would like to make some comments about her without stealing all his glory. They say that being asked to be Best Man is like being asked to sleep with the Queen – it is a great honour, but nobody really wants to do it!
It seems only five minutes since Suzanne was born and being a modern Dad I was present at the birth – I remember that day very well – we had a very shortsighted midwife. Soon after the birth she picked Suzanne up and held her saying “Oh, you look just like your Dad!” Unfortunately I had to quickly point out that she was holding Suzanne upside down and back to front! Doesn't time fly! When she was a toddler Annette was concerned that she was not learning to speak very quickly – I think there are occasions now when she wishes she hadn't learned.
Only joking of course!
Suzanne is a unique character and always tries her best to accomplish the tasks set out for her. She did ask Annette to give her some cooking tips and some time ago made dinner for Robin. Unfortunately the cat got it first and she was quite upset, but Robin said it would be OK they could get another cat!!
We love them both and have confidence in their future together – we have observed them and they are well matched and work together as a team – one thinks of something, the other corrects it and off they go!
The occasion of a wedding presents itself as a great temptation for us older folk to pass on some advice to the happy couple and I can't resist the temptation……..…
I did some serious research into the subject of marital advice and I asked a significant selection of the population for their advice to a couple setting out on the adventure of marriage. Their answers were surprising, not in their originality but in their unanimity. To a man they said ‘Don't do it!’ However, with any statistics there must be informed interpretation. My own interpretation is that this doesn't so much reflect on the institute of marriage as much as it does on the characteristics of the clientele of the Bay House Pub on a Friday night.
To Suzanne –
Never go to bed in the middle of an argument, stay up and fight, but be diplomatic and magnanimous when you let him have your own way.
If you want something from Robin, ask for it. Remember he is a man – hints do not work.
From now on you will find that you make all the minor decisions while Robin makes all the major ones. Robin, you will find that all future decisions turn out to be of a minor nature.
To Robin –
You should remember the words of Oscar Wilde, ‘Women are meant to be loved, not understood.’
Marriage will bring you many things – loyalty, self restraint, obedience and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldn't need if you remained single.
Now that you are married, Suzanne will have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards is, by default, the start of a new argument!
Remember, when you buy her flowers it PROVES you are guilty. (But of course remember the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers!!)
And remember these two invaluable words – ‘Yes Dear’
We all wish you a wonderful marriage and hope you have a really great honeymoon, which, Robin, you will find is the period between ‘I Do’ and ‘You'd Better.’
I can see Suzanne is eyeing the knife in front of her rather ominously so I think it is time I sat down.
Before I do, it gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to you both –
May you live as long as you wish, and have all you wish for as long as you live.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the Bride and Groom, Suzanne and Robin.